My (19m) girlfriend (19f) was on a girls trip with her friends and they were playing a drinking game at her friends house. My girlfriend got a card that said kiss someone one or take 4 shots. She chose to kiss her college roommate, and told me after as if it was no big deal. She told me it was just a peck. She expected me to think it was hot but was surprised when I told her I didn’t like it. I said it was no big deal In the moment, and brushed it off. As time went on I can’t stop thinking about it and it upsets me. I’ve lost sleep over this, and I feel disrespected. Is this cheating or not? It makes me upset that she did something without talking to me first.
27 comments
You are stressing far to much. You have made your point – you dislike it. It was not cheating , physical nor emotional.
sounds like your girlfriend doesn’t take wlw relationships seriously which is pretty awful as it is. you have every right to feel uncomfortable.
Whether it was cheating or not is up to you guys in your own relationship. If it was me yes it is cheating. She kissed someone else. But rather than focussing on the cheating label, I think it would be more productive to talk about your feelings and say this crosses a boundary for you so she knows for the future.
What matters is what you consider cheating. I experienced a similar situation and, for me, it was cheating since we were in a closed relationship and kissing other people hasn’t been talked about. Does your girlfriend understand why you are upset? Did she mock you for telling you this? Did she apologize?
If you think it would’ve been cheating for her to kiss a guy, this is cheating too.
Your gf was expecting you to fetishize wlw relationships and was surprised when you didn’t. You’re absolutely allowed to feel betrayed.
Well, think it.
It was in a silly drinking game, she kiss a girl she knows and she told you the story. So, for her probably wasn’t a big deal and she told you like an anecdote of the trip.
On the other hand, you have all the right to feel bothered about it, also the feelings are not something rational, so it ok to feel that way.
But you shouldn’t let you mind go spining around this.
If it is bothering you way to much, you should talk to her, an let it out of your chest.
And explaine that’s a boundary that she cannot cross if she is in a relationship with you.
She cheated on you
Please dude you know she would be pissed if you kissed a girl instead of taking the shots. Why is it different because she is a girl kissing a girl? It’s the same thing, gender doesn’t matter.
The definition of cheating is subjective. An act you see as cheating could be seen as an acceptable act by your partner. That is why it’s very important to define cheating with your partner. You should both sit down and discuss what each of you would consider cheating (physical or emotional).
I think it makes a difference if your friend group regularly plays similar games. She should be respecting same sex relationships better than that. Definitely you should bring it up again and tell her it’s bothering you. If you say it’s no big deal and then act like it is that’s not fair to anyone.
It’s up to you whether this is cheating or not. It’s totally ok for you to feel upset, just describe your feelings to her directly and ask her to tell you first next time.
She cheated on you. Doesn’t matter the gender, doesn’t matter why. She kissed someone else. That’s cheating.
I ended my marriage because I kissed another man. I knew that meant I had been disrespectful in the marriage.
This is definitely cheating. No drama, no fighting just walk away. If she doesn’t respect you or herself enough to refrain from these kind of behaviors then she’s not gf/wife material. Walk.
Yes its cheating…..
If it was a guy she kissed you wouldn’t even question this.
You decide if it’s cheating to you. Nobody can tell you you’re wrong for that.
Kissing at parties just for fun is not uncommon for straight girls, it’s just fun.
I once made out with my best friend at a party with her husband watching and he thought it was hot.
If I found out my bf kissed his buddy at a party I would just laugh and be happy that he had a good time.
I don’t think it’s cheating, but if you do that’s totally valid.
Sit down with her and get each other’s boundaries clear. This is nothing you can’t sort out.
Option 1 – Discuss boundaries going forward.
Option 2 – Nuke the relationship.
Personally, I’d let it go this time but I’d discuss what is an isn’t acceptable going forward. A drunken playful kiss with her girlfriend can be considered cheating or it could be considered good fun depending on the partner.
In this world when LGB is more visible cheating with a guy or a girl should be treated equally.
So present your opinion and needs
There was a post literally yesterday about a guy who kissed his guy friends as a “joke”, and his gf said that was cheating.
Why would this be any different? Kissing people while you’re in a relationship with someone else seems like it would be crossing a line for a lot of people.
If it were me I’d probably be out.
This is why you let them know your boundaries early on (even though some like a kiss on the lips should be obvious ). Her assuming you’d like that is kinda weird tbh. Figure out if this is a deal breaker for you man and if it is, no one can blame u.
So…
I personally don’t think it’s a big deal, because I’m a straight girl and I would honestly rather peck one of my girlfriends than take 4 shots of any drink, and it would be as if I was pecking an inanimate object. That’s how insignificant that interaction would be. These things are also spur of the moment, so expecting her to ask you first is unreasonable.
I don’t think you should be bothered by that, considering she didn’t hide it from you and mentioned it nonchalantly. Had it meant something, she wouldn’t have said anything.
You can think it is a little inappropriate, but unless she’s given you a reason not to trust her around her friends, I don’t think it’s something to spiral about.
Gonna get downvotes here, but whatever….you are entitled to your feelings and your gf should respect your boundaries. But as a guy I think you are way overreacting. I can promise you your gf did not in any capacity think you would have an issue with this, and if I was her I’d dump you for being this sensitive about a peck between girl friends during a drinking game on a girls trip. Not like she was doing it at a party for attention from other guys.
Your only 19 and when I as your age I would think it was an opportunity. But you sound more mature than I was at 19 so I guess it’s cheating. Still 19 is very young to take any relationship serious. If I was your older brother I would say focus on school.
So, for her probably wasn’t a big deal and she told you like an anecdote of the trip.
At the end of the day, your boundaries are your boundaries and people see them differently. If I was playing drinking games with my husband & he kissed a close guy friend and me knowing he is 100% straight, I personally wouldn’t care but I know that if I kissed a girl instead of taking a shot he would probably care and that’s his boundaries and that’s perfectly fine with me!
Only you can decide if you think it’s cheating or not, and if you want to work past it. If it makes you uncomfortable, let her know and go from there:)
For me I would be happier with the kiss than 4 shots, that’s a lot for many people especially if they are already drinking as they seem to have been playing this game. Leaving over for a peck instead of 4 shots seems way better. But that’s me, I totally agree with posts that say however you feel about this is valid. Cheating seems a little harsh but being upset either way is definitely understandable.
If I was in your situation, Would I leave her over this? No. Would I be uncomfortable? Absolutely.