Having turned 30 a few days ago, and having had minimal dating success in my adult life thus far, I’m worried that it’s only going to get worse now.

49 comments

  1. I’m 34. Dating is awesome. You had minimal dating success so far despite being below 30. So your lack of success is not due to age. It’s due to something else. There are probably many things you can address and change to improve your chances.

  2. I don’t think your lack of success so far necessarily means there’s anything wrong with you – it can be difficult to meet people that you actually want to spend more time with, open up to, get to know etc. I am personally in my late 20s and struggling to find someone I’d even want to hang out with as a friend. I’m interested to see other people’s experiences.

  3. I recently turned 30 as well, and dating has not changed. I have been a total loser my whole life, and I am still a total loser.

    I’m sure you will have better luck though. I am quite sure you will do better than me.

  6. It has the potential to be ALOT better or ALOT worse, but it’s on you. The things women generally look for in men, mental and emotional maturity, being in decent shape maybe, having a good career( makes such a big difference), etc tend to be things you have to achieve learn or earn.

    If it is better then It’s not because you are 30 and 30s are some magic age or that men age like wine or anything like that, it’s because If you have actually worked on yourself, and I mean holistically, then this is (generally) around the time of life that you tend to finally see the fruits of that labor.

    A mentally and emotionally mature, level-headed, well-groomed, well-educated, and well-heeled guy is attractive at any age, it’s just that those guys tend to take time to become those guys, but if you do become one of those guys, say in your 30s, then yes dating will be ALOT better.

  7. The individual is the source, if you have strong social emotional learning you will enjoy it or find it didn’t work.

    If you are below average on emotional learning you may have trouble. But if you self reflect and work on how you handle emotional situations you can improve.

    Also human age is the cave man understanding of age. Cellular age however, that’s something more important and gives a better idea of your age.

    I think the dating pool is shrinking because of modern society and the way it is structured, so I think there is less fish in the sea. Please see the ocean surface temperature anomalies for evidence!

    Good luck!

  8. Age isn’t the problem it is you. If you haven’t had much success in your 20s then you won’t in your 30s. It’s not like there is a barrier. Just take care of yourself and don’t be so down about it. Women can smell that on you and will further perpetuate your issues which may also make you more insecure.

  9. I had a long term relationship from when I was 19-31 so never really experienced dating in my 20s. A few years later I feel a lot more attractive and get a lot more attention in my 30s despite the past few years being more of a mess for socializing.

  10. I’m in a relationship at the moment but dating in my 30s was good. I was able to meet a few women on apps over the course of a couple weeks but wound up with someone I met in real life. I’m average height and average looks but somehow dating a younger woman way out of my league.

  12. Like someone else said, it’s all about how you spent your 20’s. If you developed emotionally and socially and kept yourself physically in shape, you’ll find lots of success.

    By the time I was 30, I knew how to talk to women and it was fairly easy getting dates. I also had my choice with most women whether or not to develop something into a relationship.

    A lot of women in the 25-35 range are looking for something fun that develops into something serious, so as long as you know how to tick their boxes, you’ll have a great time.

    If you’re in the same place now as when you were in your 20’s, it’s gonna suck. But it’s never too late to start.

  13. I went to six flags yesterday so that I could remember what riding and screaming felt like

  14. I could probably get rich and handsome tomorrow but still would struggle with finding a date because I still have my personality that I’m not going to change

  15. Dating doesn’t really depend on your age, it depends on your personality, your body, your abilities, and whether you put yourself in the right places to meet eligible people

    So… if you change nothing about yourself or your approach, expect nothing else to change either

  16. Sucks ass!!! 33 m it’s a joke especially the dating culture now a days too doesn’t help

  17. dating in your 30s can be amazing! …or it could be the opposite. as many other commenters have noted – it’s up to you

    have you taken the time to get to know who you truly are? what you like and don’t? what you’re looking for and what you aren’t? if you met a potential partner with your same qualities would you date them? if you answered no to any of the above, take a break from dating and take the time to work on yourself. when you feel good about you and are consistently showing up as your best self other people will notice and 2 things will happen:

    1. you’ll realize that *you* make the magic when it comes to being happy with your dating life or not

    and

    2. partners will be drawn to you. confidence and inner happiness radiate and people want to be around that

    good luck!

  18. Dating apps pool of swipes/potential matches nosedived when I turned 31, not 30, presumably because people end their criteria ON 30. Few of my 20-something colleagues confirmed that for me too.

    That said the quality of dating has improved massively, not sure why as only one woman I’ve dated has been 30+ anyway but yeah, maybe I’m more confident and assured, but it’s been better.

  19. Dating is at its best around your age … that is if youre looking to sgart a family.

    Interest is at its lowest early 20s and then again at 40+

  20. When I started taking (mostly online) dating seriously in my early 30s, I had more success in that first year than in my entire 20s.

    Met a lot of interesting people from around the world, had some fun times, eventually found someone to stick around longer.

    Be reasonably fit and hygienic, have a job and some interests, learn to take rejection and keep improving.

  21. Your situation matters. You need to have your shit together and be building a life. If I were 30 again, it would be the best time ever. Endless supply of easy sex, wide range of “acceptably aged” women, and around the most attractive age a man can be. Plus, there’s a bit of everything out there available to you due to the age range available (22-35 should all be pretty equally attainable). Women looking for fun and hookups. Women looking for something a little more serious. And women looking to settle down and start a family.

  22. I became single at 36 after being in a marriage for 10 years and having a young child that I have 50% of the time.

    I thought I would be alone forever.

    I don’t use apps.

    Mate, it’s been awesome, I’ve been in two 6month relationships (I broke the first on off because her personality wasn’t great, second one ended because we lived in different countries and whilst it was quick and cheap to visit eachother my situation being a single dad co-parenting would prevent me from moving to her and she had a health condition that she wouldn’t be able to get treatment for where I live).

    The third relationship is coming up to a year now.

    There’s been lots of old friends and acquaintances showing interest and also met new people through friends and meetups.

    These women are attractive, accomplished, interesting, fun, in great shape. There is a lot of great single women out there in their 30s and I personally feel pretty blessed!

  23. As I got my second girlfriend (who I am now raising our first kid with) after 17 years of being single, I’d say much improved.

  24. Mid 30s guy. Until I turned 30, I *never* once had a person actively pursue me. Since then it happens with some frequency. My challenge in my 30s is not finding people interested in me, its finding people I’m interested in.

  25. It’s fun Asf. Young woman, middle aged women, and older women all just want to have fun and I am the perfect age to have experience it all. Nothing about it is bad.

  26. Alot better tbh. Maybe it was that I finally have an OK job, but the latter also fixed alot things with myself that was awry as when I was a student

  27. Bad!! Very difficult, dating apps are not great either. Makes me think I missed the boat.

  29. I’m 37 and recently divorced. Women are a lot better and cut to chase faster than I remembered.

  30. Wayyy mo’ betta’ than in my 20s. I’m also fitter, richer, more confident, and more experienced so that all helps.

  32. Looks nightmarish if I am to believe certain things I’ve heard. Guess just giving up at 28 is the best I could do.

  33. Physically dating in your 30s: fun, exciting and about normal with just less of a pool in your age range

    Online dating in your 30s: is like sifting through garbage hoping to find the phone you left in your backpack.

  34. If you have spent this time making yourself into a desirable man with relative health, stability and emotional maturity, and you’re looking for a single monogamous partner, and you make that intention known, and you date within your age/socio-economic/attractiveness league, then it is waaaaaaaaaaaay easier than it ever has been.

    If you are still an unknown struggling creative who has no idea what you’re looking for and prioritize hot 21 year olds, it’s going to be a very rough ride.

  35. A lot easier than my 20s, more people know what they want, I’ve got more experience and can navigate the field better so it’s getting better as I get older…dating probably will never be easy, but for me it’s getting easier

    This obviously is an individual answer and age doesn’t make things magically better or worse…it’s about the individual, how self aware you are and how you make use of the elements you can control

  36. You’ll find what you seek when you aren’t even looking for it. Don’t focus on dating and enjoy life. Whether that means traveling or hobbies, do those and the right woman will come by.

  37. Pretty shitty until earlier this year. I am 37 and met someone on FB dating and have been officially in a relationship for a bit over a month. My gf is great and it feels like this is how dating is supposed to be. We knew from the first date that we really liked each other and were very honest about what we were looking for. Luckily we are on the same page about the things we want.

    Now with that being said. I had to deal with a lot of disappointment, ghosting, manipulation, etc before I found my gf. But the good thing from all of those shit dates and matches is that I was able to clearly see what I don’t want for my life. So it freed up a lot of space for the things that I do want in my life.

    Dating could have gone way worse or better depending on what I wanted as an outcome. If I wanted to just have frivolous sex and have meaningless relationships, then it would have went great. But since I was looking to have something meaningful with someone, then I definitely had to go through some shit before I found someone.

  38. Personally it’s like a minefield. I’d have more luck if I actually talked to more women in person but I’m shy as hell and working on cold approaching more. Dating apps are a joke. You can send tons of respectful messages and still never get matched. Even when u do match they either ghost or unmatch shortly after (sometimes completely randomly). Everyone’s got issues but how we cope with these issues is what’s important

  39. 20s were non existent..beyond one night with a 31 year old. 30s were just very short learning experience…but not a lot. 40’s finally met my forever woman only to have her taken away due to suicide. Now I’m in my 50s and have decided to just call it good. I’ve had a few dates, but nothing that was going to go anywhere. I’m too settled in my ways to get close to a woman.

  40. Met a girl in a park last Friday. Asked her out for a coffee. She said she wanted to have beer. Took her to a pub, chatted with her for 5 hours till 2AM. Then she tells me I am friendzoned.

    That bad.

  41. The contrast between the haves and the have-nots become like night and day.

    Because everyone in the middle is pretty much taken, what’s left are the ones that don’t want to commit and the ones nobody wants to commit to.

    Which makes for one group banging their fucking brains out and the other group feel even more lonely and invisible than what is was before 30.

  42. Awful.

    I meet a ton of women who are hurt, damaged, can’t and won’t even attempt to communicate, who won’t heal or put in any effort to work on themselves. They want to date but don’t want to actually try. They are often jaded and angry or sad and hooked on exes and are just going through the motions. More people are ghosting than ever, women are hilariously difficult to approach in person and are meaner and ruder than ever, dating apps are mostly trash with women who don’t want to be there and have so many options that they don’t have to put effort in…dating today is a cesspool inside a landfill in a war zone that has pee and ebola in it. It’s fucking awful out here.

    But, unfortunately, if you want someone you have to keep wading through this filth and hope you get lucky at some point, there are a lot of great women out there and all the single men (and some of the non single ones) are competing for them. Best of luck to you man, I’m not a misery loves company type, I hope you have far more success than me.

  45. Don’t overthink on the dating pool or the dating situation too much but mostly focus on yourself and people will just come around. I’m 32 and I am mostly working on myself, and many things I should have done in my 20s for my mental stability. The right people will stay, and those that you don’t need will weed themselves out. Mind you, a lot of younger women will be looking at you more often than ever because you’re a more mature man than their peers so if someone that is 10 years younger than you look at you differently, it’s ok. Let it flow.

  46. Let’s begin with the fact that if a woman asks how are you still single, that’s not a compliment. So a friend of mine (engaged, so off the table.) Asked how I was still single. The following was my response:

    Okay, so to start, I’m on seven different dating apps, and have been using them for the past 6 months, and never gotten a match, so I have to resolve myself to thinking I am just not most women’s cup of tea, co sidering I don’t even look at women’s profile picture at this point, I just swipe right on literally every woman that scrolls across my phone. Dating apps don’t work.

    Now, LDR doesn’t work for me, at least to start. I could be without my love if she, sat, had to go out of state for school, but I need a real, physical, emotional connection with someone I can see multiple times a week, so I want someone who lives in town.

    I’m not a cradle robber, so I’m not going for anyone under 21. I can’t tell ages at a glance, and after accidentally hitting on a sixteen year old a couple year ago, I’m not comfortable looking anywhere not explicitly adult in nature. I’m looking for someone between the ages of 21 and 32, who wants kids, has a job, isn’t in any other relationships, and doesn’t use drugs, isn’t fanatically religious, isn’t a complete psycho, and who actually likes me. The search isn’t going well.

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