I’ve never had a reason to go through my husband’s phone in the almost 10 years that we’ve been together. He’s always been one to hand over his phone for anything that I would need it for, like a quick photo, phone call or Google search.
Lately, I’ve had my suspicions, even though I could never put my finger on what was bothering me. He seemed to be staying out later, staying the bathroom longer, becoming less talkative with me, etc.
He had came home from golf around 9 PM the other day and went straight to bed. About an hour later, I got on his phone and opened his “Recently Deleted” texts after looking through all of his apps.
And there it was: A topless photo from a woman that I recognize as being “Kelsey” from back in high school, along with a highly sexual text thread. I took screenshots of everything and sent them to myself.
Kelsey was someone that has been in the same friend group as him forever. I’ve met her several times at the golf course, the local bars, and friend’s houses. She’s also married with three small kids.
I confronted him the next morning. I just flat out said, “Nice t!t picture on your phone!”
He acted like I imagined he would. His mouth dropped open and he kind of smirked for a second.
Because I’m so angry, I’m paraphrasing a little bit. He said, “Look, she’s going through a divorce. I didn’t ask for the picture. She just sent it and everything got out of control. It won’t happen again, and I’m going to block her. *I saw her at the golf course tonight, and she played with my group*.”
**That’s perfect. They see each other at the course, play golf together in groups, get drunk at the bar, and then exchange sexual texts all night.**
However, their text thread actually does back this up. They started out having a normal conversation, and then she randomly sends him the picture and asks if he wants more. He said that was “good” and how she looks great.
I don’t think I would be as mad if this was a random person, but Kelsey has been around our family and children for years. I didn’t know she was going through a divorce, as she kept it pretty under wraps.
He seems very apologetic and ashamed, especially seeing me so upset. I blocked her for him, but I don’t know if that will help anything or make it worse. I still can’t get the pictures and the texts out of my head. I thought about contacting her myself, although I don’t want to draw any more attention to this.
Should I confront Kelsey or just let it go? How do I move on from this?
TL;DR: I found a topless photo on my husband’s phone from a long-time female friend going through a divorce. I confronted him, and he seems to be remorseful. I don’t know if I should talk to the other woman about this or ignore it.
40 comments
This reads as if Kelsey is your husbands friend first and not really your friend so in this case, i wouldn’t address it with her. She shouldn’t have sent it but why would your husband use the opportunity to exchange sexual texts? This is a husband issue.
I’d be texting her too and asking if sending titty pics to other people’s husbands is something she does often and I’d be finding out if she is in fact getting divorced. Tell him the golf games and hanging out with her is now done because he can’t be trusted. Hope you’re ok.
I would talk to Kelsey directly since she is a part the friend group and ask her not to send anymore pictures to your husband. She’ll get the message that she went well beyond moral support.
I need something cleared up with your husband’s reply the she looks good did it lead to more? Because if she sent it out of the blue and he was just surprised I would understand did more happen that puts the husband more at fault? Obviously he should have showed you the texts when they happened been like I did nothing to encourage this but in the story the husband seems like he didn’t actually do anything unless you left out parts of the story. Am I missing something here?
Im sorry if this isn’t helpful or anything but I just read your story and feel kind of in the same kind of situation.
My wife and I have been married for almost 8 years and she started acting suspicious the last couple months. She started talking to someone that she was interested in before we got together and when I confronted her she said “I don’t know why I reached out” and she felt like she wasn’t getting enough attention from me. She said she was so sorry and loves me so much couldn’t picture her life without me blah blah, I caught her with a deleted message from that guy again this morning that was obvious that they had still been talking(she just got better at hiding it). Her response was that she hasn’t been happy for months and feels like crap for lying and saying she was.
This is where it feels different for me. She started some new medicine a couple months ago when she first starting acting weird with me, so I have been holding onto hope the medicine was the driving reason why she was being this way. Now after months of catching little lies and her flipping back and forth saying she’s happy then she’s not I just don’t know if I can move on from this stuff I feel like the trust is gone.
I have always told her and myself that if I am in a relationship where I feel like I have to go through my spouses phone or worry about what they are doing that I would leave. It’s a lot easier said than done. Honestly I don’t really have any friends that I want to talk to about this because a piece of me is still hoping that the medicine is part of it.
She has never even so much as looked at somebody else in our 8 years before this. I am just heartbroken right now and don’t know what to do. I know in my heart that she is going to regret this all but she seems so emotionless on this medicine. She has to take it for another month.
You played your cards too soon. Now he will hide everything more. You didn’t help yourself form blocking her. He should have done it himself. Now they will find other methods and other apps to communicate. He can unblock her anytime as well. You needed to gather more evidence and save it. There’s more going than you know about. Your husband is cheating. Your problem is with him for now and not with her. He is only sorry he was caught and can’t sneak around as easily now, unless you continue to be gullible and let him. Save the evidence that you do have, since he deleted several of their texts, and then calculate how to proceed. You will also need allies. Some of those friends in that group already know. I would have been petty and sent those topless pic from his phone to the friend group chat and asked if anyone else has the pleasure of getting these too or just for this married guy.
I’d tell the other women in the friends group about her sending boob pics to married men along with sexual texts
I would be at that golf course every time your husband was there. Piss a circle around him and make sure she KNOWS he is YOUR husband.
If she and he try to converse I would say that it is inappropriate for them to be talking because of the titty picture she sent him.
Actually, I would get all the wives to meet up at the bar and make it super uncomfortable for at least a month.
As for your husband, I’d say he should take a break from golfing until next year, until he can prove he is still committed to you and can act like an adult in a marriage.
Jerk!
Assert dominance by texting a topless picture of yourself to them both.
I would go nuclear. Contact Kelseys husband to verify if they are getting divorced. Let him know. And confront Kelsey. Publicly or on social media. With your receipts. What is there to lose at this point? I would want the whole wider friend group to know about what type of person Kelsey is.
Send the screenshots to Kelsey’s husband, I’m sure he can use them for the divorce.
F that. So she’s really not out of his life and they will continue to put themselves in the perfect scenario to cheat every time he goes golfing. You won’t be there and there will be plenty of alcohol. It only takes one time for him to be “so drunk he made a mistake”. And what are the chances of you even finding out? He’s an ass for entertaining her and now those highly sexual texts will give her a reason to continue flirting with him in person. He’ll probably unblock her and just save her name under a different name since they are “friends” and “can’t avoid each other”.
As for Kelsey, I would text her hello and let her know she has nice tits. Why? Because if you don’t and your husband simply tries to avoid her, she won’t get the message and will keep on trying to reach out to your husband – this time in person. Let her know that you know, even if you’re not friends. I would also caution the other women in your group of friends. Many people go through divorces, no one is flashing their boobs to other married men.
As for your husband – I understand this happened on the night before and you confronted him the next morning, so he probably didn’t have much time to do much. But I think it wouldn’t sit well with me if he hid something like this, even if I believed that he didn’t mean to.
There are two kind of people who hide these things from their spouses – those who dont want to rock the boat and ‘make their partner worry for no reason’, and those who are not sure about the opportunity and are biding their time before they judge the viability of cheating (meaning they’re not sure if Kelsey is serious about it). It is always a bad idea to hide it from your partner, because when it comes out – and it always comes out – it’s impossible to justify why they hid it in the first place. So think about that too before you decide who to proceed with your husband
Just text her the same thing “nice tits K, really classy” and see what she comes back with.
I would confront her in front of the whole friend group because I’m petty like that. 🤷♀️
Observe and act as your mind and heart says, if you are sure in your husband and will be happy with him, then you can give it a chance and everything will work out, but if it happens again, then you will have to act and make a choice
Your husband doesn’t sound like remorseful at all, it’s like all act. I don’t know what are you trying to save. Seems like there is nothing to save.
He didn’t come clean himself. He didn’t even block her himself which he can unblock her very easily and since he learned how you figured he can be better at hiding. He engaged her sexual conversations knowing that it was cheating. He didn’t care she was around you and your children or how he made a fool of you to Kelsey. He seems apologetic because he got caught. If he didn’t get caught he would still play happy family with you and get his sexual adventure with Kelsey.
You don’t move on from this. He unfortunately dig a pit for your relationship for Kelsey’s tits. And that pit is sooo deep you can’t just move on. Your old relationship is dead because the trust in your relationship left holding hands with Kelsey. He’s not even sorry and he’s going to be in that friend group so in a few months the trust issues he put in you will be called your insecurities by him. If he’s really that remorseful he needs to say goodbye to that friend group and he needs to stop playing golf at that place no matter how much money he loses. But honestly sounds like he’s just gonna sit back and expect you do the job.
“Highly sexual text thread”…deleted. Between your husband and his friend. This honestly would be worse than her dumb ass sending the picture. He is being sneaky and having sexual conversations with someone you know.
I think you’re putting too much blame on K when your husband was just as receptive to the conversation and didn’t stop it immediately after she sent a picture.
The fact that he smirked when you mentioned it would of sent me over the edge. He doesn’t seem sorry at all.
He needs to stop going to that bar. You did nothing wrong and he should do whatever it takes to make you feel safe again.
He cheated on you and is acting remorseful and ashamed cause he got caught red-handed.
Secrecy and sexual tensions means cheating!
He cross a Huge Line he knew he shouldn’t have done so if he want to save this marriage he better work hard and gaine your trust again.
Which means no more contact with her or any stupid other woman who pretend to be his friend and will boost his dumb man ego,no more secrecy or spending time out behind bs excuses, go on counseiling very seriously, creat huge boundaries both of you had to respect ,…
Dont cover him because he have to realize what he allow is unacceptable and if the rôle where reverse he will be pissed!
Btw if i was you i would make sure some of your friends Group know what she have done. I mean she can’t think seriously about sending nudes to someone else husband without facing real consequences and social shame . Women like her deserve to be expose !
Send the screenshots to the friends group chat (from your husbands phone )get it all out in the open so you don’t need to feel embarrassed because this is NOT on you. This is on him and her.
i think it’s a questino for your husband – what will HE do to regain your trust? of course he’s apologetic – he got caught. but if you’ve been having some feeling that something feels ‘off’ for the past month and that’s when he started golfing again, it seems like having a serious conversation with him on what’s been going on, reiterating WHY you’re upset and setting boundaries – so if this happens again or boundaries are crossed, he knows the consequences.
ugh i’m sorry OP. i would not be chill at all if my husband was sending sexually explicit texts with any woman, let alone someone he has close contacts with.
Yeah, the picture is not the problem here. Your husband sexted with her. As you said, the messages were like “what I would do to you”.
You are really under-reacting here
Definitely confront her. Just because her marriage went to shit doesn’t give her the right to try and mess with yours.
You have had your suspicions for a while, so this picture is just what you have found and the latest. Your husband needs to tell you what’s been going on and I do think you need to confront her.
Call her out. Let other wives know what she does for married men. She’s a pos.
Edit: Oh, and your husband sucks. Kick him out for awhile. Talk to a few lawyers and get a STD check.
How would he react if someone in your friend group sent you d*picks? I honestly think you aren’t thinking clearly he didn’t even tell her it was inappropriate of her to send the pic and then to smirk you deserve better he’s a twat
Well if it were me I would group text the entire friend group asking her not to send my husband pictures of her naked chest. Petit, yes, however he’s going to go right back to her and this way EVERYONE will be watching and that will make them think twice hopefully. Your husband isn’t protecting you so maybe this will.
I’m sorry but how are you not more enraged that his first reaction was to smirk
I would 100% message her.
” is sending t#tty pics to people husbands a frequent thing for you or is it just mine?? So you marriage and life is falling apart so you want mine to aswell? You are no longer welcome in my home or around my husband”
He ain’t allowed around her anymore either, the fact she sent that and he didn’t tell you straight away or stop hanging with her is wild..
No more hanging in same group and he can tell his friends why..
Honestly think I would ask for separation. Why would he think this would be OK and he smug face when you confronted him would of sent me over the edge.
He can be sorry as he wants but he cheated on you. So there needs to be consequences.
Kick him to spare room or sofa and tell him at the min separation is not off the table.
I dunno. He engaged in “highly sexualised” conversation with her after she sent the photo. Her going through a divorce doesn’t mean that you take pity on her by having a sexual conversation. You also said that his behaviour has been different recently..?
It’s gonna take some work to gain his trust back and part of that is going to have to be him removing himself from this group when she’s around. That’s the respectful thing to do for you, his wife. If he continues to go out drinking with her and so on, do you think you’ll be able to trust him/them?
I bet the divorce is because she does this often💯
I am so aggressive. I would have handled this differently and put my husband and this girl on blast to everybody, but that’s me. My husband went on a friendly “date” with an old girlfriend of his. After he continually denied it, I called HER. Not because it was her fault but I wanted her to know. I wanted his mutual friends to know wtf was going on. This was a year ago. It hasn’t happened again, but I embarrassed his dumb ass. Innocent or not, he lied. I know every stupid thing about him and that he was stupid enough to think I wouldn’t, well I slammed that on it’s face really quick.
Unfortunately, I think this is much more serious than you realize. It sounds like it could have been the start of an EA, and it’s suspicious that he has been acting weird for a while but he saw her just last night. If you learn anything form the infidelity subs, it’s that they trickle truth and lie and never tell you fully what has happened so whatever he tells you, assume there is more and it’s not good.
It’s possible you caught this early, but honestly – to continue this woman needs to be cut from your lives and any mutual friends should know that she was inappropriate with your husband. He also maybe shouldn’t go to the golf course for a period of time if that’s a place they both could go and see each other. This all may sound extreme and harsh, but what has happened is significant, shouldn’t be rug swept or taken lightly, assuming you want to save your marriage.
Good luck OP!
My neighbor used to golf all the time. It’s raining, Kevin’s golfing, snowing outside Kevin’s golfing. It went on for years and it became a joke because it didn’t matter what the weather was, Kevin was out golfing. Then there was a guy in a car parked down our street just watching their house. The husband of Kevin’s girlfriend, they worked together, had hired a PI and was watching the house. A few days later Kevin came home and told his wife that he didn’t want to be a husband or father anymore and he moved out, bought a corvette and a Harley and rarely saw the kids.
So when you mentioned golfing I imagined all Kevin’s golf outings except the only thing going in the hole wasn’t a golf ball. Do the other people that were in his group know about their little relationship because if they’ve been sexting and seeing each other I find it hard to believe that they haven’t been physical as they were playing…just touching inappropriately most likely happened.
For me, them being together, the way your husband has been acting and the text thread I would be done. It’s cheating and if he’s done it once he’ll find better ways to hide it the next time. If you’re going to let him have this one time I would tell him that he needs to cut off that entire group of friends if she’s part of it. That any contact with her will be found out, no matter how hard he tries to hide it, it always comes out and the marriage is over. He can choose her and that group of friends or you.
Don’t let him put any blame on you, and though she is in the wrong too, he decided to cheat as soon as he started replying to her. If he doesn’t want to decide pack a bag for him and tell him to stay with Kelsey because she was worth throwing away your marriage.
I think you should contact her and tell her that if she contacts your husband again for ANYTHING ever again you will send her Topless picture to everyone she knows along with her texts that she sent to your husband. Tell her if she sees either of you she should just leave
Why are you being so scary lmao ? Who gives a fuck if “she was your husbands friend first” they crossed fucking lines that should’ve never been crossed !
You don’t want to go around the golf course cause your embarrassed now ?
Fuck that so you’d rather be more embarrassed when she starts tryna fuck your husband in public around his “buddies” since the cats outta the bag , she’ll know YOUR the one who blocked her not your husband ! You think he won’t tell her what went down the second you have you back turned? They’ll just get better at hiding it!
You better boss the fuck up , show up and start taking control of your life back wtf !!!
You need to find a baby sitter get dolled up and go to bar/golf nights with him.
Blocking her is just keeping them for texting each other plus not sure if he unblocks her.
She is a home wrecker and does not care about your family.
I wouldn’t let anyone disrespect my kids or myself like that. That’s just me.