EDIT: I’m not insinuating I’m gonna take legal action or anything- this is more of a question of if I’m allowed to feel violated/was I violated – a lot of comments are getting really hung up on the term I’m using
Hi everyone- using a throwaway because I don’t want this linked back to me
My best friend and I had a fwb situation – kind of. He was very flip-floppy about it initially and we never really bothered to put a label on it. However, we did have sex/do sexual stuff together regularly. For context we are both 19.
In terms of this situation: we were hanging out before he had to go to for a conference- he had to be there 15 min before it started (around 2:45) and he COULD NOT be late. There was like 45 min before he had to leave and we started hooking up, which then escalated to sex. I asked if he was sure (since he couldn’t be late) and he said yes.
We started to have sex and he kinda just went for it? No foreplay or anything- which I was not expecting. It was painful- I wasn’t really wet enough- you get the idea. I immediately say “ow” but I try to ignore it, which worked for a little but eventually started hurting more. He asked if I was ok and I said yes, but I wasn’t rlly moving or anything (FOR CLARITY: AFTER THIS I SAID TO GIVE ME A MINUTE AND WAS NOT MOVING). He flips me on my back and just kinda gets himself off while I kinda just lay there like a starfish – I turned my head so he didn’t see my face. I’m usually VERY involved/excited ab sex so this was VERY out of character for me. He told me he loved me, finished, told me he loved me again and said sorry. I just kinda brushed him off and went to shower in our apartment- and he left for his conference. I stood under the shower in shock for about an hour and then laid in bed in a daze for the rest of the day/night.
I didn’t technically say no and when he asked at the start if I was ok- I only rlly said to “give me a minute”. This happened weeks ago but I can barely look at him without being nauseous/wanting to throw up. I don’t know what to do- and I feel like this is my fault.
My best friend of 10 years told me that it was assault but im not sure I believe him/im very torn. Just looking for advice.
4 comments
Personally I don’t think it is assault. From what I’m reading you said he did ask a few times if you were ok and you said yes if you asked him to stop or say no and he continued it would definitely be assault . So he was under the impression everything was good. I think this was just a case of a quickie turning into a misunderstanding. Best advice I can give is to always openly communicate. If you are not ready for penetration let him know. If it hurts let him know. I’m sure he would stop and make sure you are comfortable then. I’m sorry for the bad experience you had. And hope it will not repeat in future
Well when he asked if you were ok you said yes….that’s the point you should have said no. It’s not assault imo, uncaring maybe but he’s not comityed any crime
You need to learn how to communicate better
>He asked if I was ok and I said yes
You didn’t just not say no, you said yes
You told him to stop. That being said do you feel assaulted or just emotionally hurt. If the first then he did assault you. If the second talk it out with him.