I (23M) have a friend who has a ton of charisma and he’s super charming and flirty. Well, what keeps happening is that I’ll be into a girl and I’ll be talking to her and flirting and kind of be in the early stages of talking and my friend will always swoop in and take her attention away. It happened recently and I’m kind of wondering if I’m doing something wrong.
Both of my last two girlfriends admitted they had huge crushes on my friend all their lives. The first girl was never that into me so when she brought it up unprompted and clearly yearned for him it hurt even more because she never yearned for me.
The second girl admitted it in front of all my friends and it was super emasculating. The first time this happened I was chill with it but the next time I realized there was a pattern.
I found out that with another woman (3rd) I was trying to date she had already dated my friend. LONG AGO another fourth girl who I had asked out and we’d gone out left me for him.
He’s so irresistible that it’s straining my friendship with him and I’m starting to resent him.
I keep feeling like I’m getting sloppy seconds or almost run over by him. While I’ve tried to become better at being charismatic I think I simply don’t have the right personality. Don’t get me wrong I’m plenty dateable but I’m starting to feel like a third or fourth option instead of a priority.
I guess what I needed to vent and see if this a fairly unique experience.
24 comments
naw fuck that guy he’s doing it because he can and doesn’t respect you
You get points for using Zaphod Beeblebrox as a verb.
edit: Looks like I got more points though. Sorry to Beeblebrox ya, bro.
And that’s why I stay alone.
Your friend sounds like a real piece of crap. But honestly, if the women you’re dating are so easily charmed away from you, it sounds like their priorities and values are way off the mark in terms of dating. If I was dating someone and his friend came onto me, I’d have a really huge fucking problem with that. It’s so disrespectful it’s insane.
As much as it sucks to say this, I’d evaluate your friendship. Would you honestly be able to trust him around your wife? Even if you could trust your wife, how upsetting would it be to put *her* in a situation where she’d have to tell you that your friend made some sort of advances.
Bro code means nothing anymore unfortunately
Just sucker punch him in the jaw, strip him naked, and call it a day, that aint no friend.
Well he only comes onto them if nothing has really been formally established. Those two women I was dating both were official with me so he didn’t do a thing but they both admitted they were “once” into him. I brought both girlfriends to meet my friends and both times they either tightened up in a nervous way or were a subtlety extra friendly.
Well looking at your comments, it seems like your friend isn’t doing anything in particular but the women you date are into him
So I guess your friend is extremely charismatic, confident and sort of extroverted ? And those qualities do tend to bring people in I suppose ..
I don’t really have advice other than , just keep dating you might find someone who’s into you and not him?
I don’t really have anything to add here except that this kind of thing happened to me a lot growing up, except it was my brother (I’m a twin), it really screwed with my self esteem and I’m still working on issues that started from that.
I’ve seen a couple of my friends have a ‘bro-talk’ to another and openly said that they like x and to help them wingman or stay away from her and it’s been a case of ‘sure bro, I got your back!” but this would depend on if you trust that your friend would respect you enough to try to stay clear or friendzone your crushes to help you, is he close enough to you that this is a possibility or not? I also wonder is your friend stealing your crushes intentionally, or is he clueless to whom you have crushes on and just acts flirty towards them? because honestly if he’s doing it with knowledge of your feelings towards the girl then he’s a trash person and shit friend.
Stop dating girls that know him
I will argue that saying that is the last thing you should do. Do you talk like that infront of women?
I have known dudes like this all my life. ZBs know what they are doing. Their ego is getting double-stroked. Getting the girl, sure, but also the thrill of taking her from you. Which you then forgive them for doing. Stop forgiving him. Drop him as a friend. He is trash. Also, drop anyone that sides with him, or teases you about being upset. I guarantee they won’t find it funny when he does it to them. (the only reason he hasn’t yet is because he doesn’t want to get beat up.)
He’s a real zarkin frood. You’re so unhip it’s a wonder your pants don’t fall down. /s
I had a friend like this.
I finally leave him alone after 20 years of friendship. I heard that all our common friends did the same because he tried or did fucked their gf/wife.
You are not the problem.
Either you step up your game to his level or cut the dude from your life. 🤷🏻♂️
Get a new “friend” and new friends generally
I don’t believe a word of this
Hey baby, is this guy boring you? Why don’t you come talk to me? I’m from a different planet
He’s not your friend and date outside of town
Punch his face in or if you feel adventurouse burn his face with boiling watter, but that being the last resort, first don’t puss out tell him about X type problem and ask for Y respons if Y respons isn’t negative to your benefit IE: he’s getting his nips hard because of the date snatching then use the punch in the face technique. If not IE:he didn’t realise and is apologetic about it, ask him to help you out, ask him to be your wing man you evidently have things to learn from him.
If he’s actually your friend, talk to him about it. A good friend wouldn’t want you to feel resentment like that. You guys can probably talk this out.
If he’s a superficial friend then other options are more appropriate… But start with the first idea
Have you tried reciting an “Ode to a Small Green Lump of Putty in my Armpit” to win them over?
Man idk. Had a friendship of 20 years end and I honestly wondered if this phenomenon was part of why. It’s really hard for a person to be eternally compared to another (like a best friend that goes everywhere with you) and to feel like you’re not coming out on top. Or even, coming out on the bottom every time. Not sustainable if it hurts every time.