My husband and I have been married 3 years and we have had our share of immense issues. His older brother has lived with us from the beginning of our marriage after losing his job and not being able to find a job for almost 2 years. Nothing related to this situation (duration/bills/exit plan) etc were communicated with me. And his brother is no ordinary person. He seems to have some developmental issues and they have frequently been a source of interference, although my husband and his parents seem to think he’s salt of the earth and is just down on his luck.
I went spiraling into a depression soon after we moved in together. The whole situation, coupled with my husband’s habits and anger and borderline controlling issues became too much to hear for me after a point. I started ordering food from outside more and more for just myself, I withdrew more and more (I realized that my husband can be quite judgemental in many ways and he makes himself the victim in most of our discussions) so I just stopped sharing stuff with him. We also have poor conflict resolution and he says I don’t agree with him on anything. This wasn’t always true in the beginning, but off late I’ve realized ive become so resentful that I automatically disagree with anything he says, although I’m trying to consciously correct this.
One complaint he’s always had with me is that I don’t share things with him. It started off for the most innocuous things: I didn’t inform him a recruiter contacted me ( not directly from a company but those folks on LinkedIn who contact you all the time), I didn’t share what wedding gifts I received (this wasn’t out of any malice- I didn’t pay attention myself given the frenzy in which the wedding occured), and graduated to other stuff. Recently my sister started seeing someone and I wanted to keep it secret until she was really sure. Finally I told him when she knew and the parents talked (it’s a tradition that way in our country). I told husband and so did my parents. He complained that he got to know late. He complained that when my parents bought a piece of land three years ago (shortly after our marriage) he only got to know the day the land was being registered. The list goes on. This last thing is something he’s complained about umpteen times, despite my parents always being nothing but nice and upfront with him. They have always been secretive about his older brother’s future plans but my parents nor I have barely ever said anything.
Today he went off again on how I don’t communicate after I received a package for hair supplements ( I’ve had immense hair loss issues which he knows about) which honestly I initially didn’t remember ordering, and he chastised me for ordering “so many packages” ( I’ve ordered a bio oil, Vitamin c and retinol in the past six months is all) versus the frugal person that he is who “has no vices”. Then he started off on how my parents don’t share anything and maybe it’s a cultural thing and he was raised better. It’s all. Too. Much.
I just give up. I don’t know what I’m looking for here but I’m exhausted.