**This is my first ever post. Sorry if I get the formatting wrong**
I (32f) met this guy (29m) on a dating website when I was working in Japan back in March. He was just visiting then and our timing matched and we were able to meet in Tokyo. We hooked up and the chemistry and connection were great.
He then went back to California after his vacation and I stayed in Asia. But we continued to stay in contact and would occasionally message and talk with each other on social media. We even openly disclosed to each other that we both thought about that night a lot since then.
Fast forward, I came back to California recently and we met up 2 days after I arrived. We hung out and hooked up again. During then he talked about boundaries and asked if this was a fwb thing. I wasn’t sure what to answer so I didn’t quite give a straight out answer.
Since then, we hung out again and I stayed over. At night we would talk a lot and if I didn’t want to hook up, he would respect my choice too.
I am in the process of getting a U.S. number and so he’s been paying for all the Ubers for me back and forth to his place or our hangout locations while I’ve been in CA. He also covered the meal expenses when we hung out.
I will eventually be moving to NYC from August for work and any sort of stay in CA is short term. I come back to CA a few times a year because I have family here.
He said we would hang out in CA and he would come visit me whenever he’s in NYC.
He is super into physical touch in private yet in public he told me he’s not one of PDA. I can’t tell what his feelings are – whether he really only sees me just as a fwb or if there could be more.
He’s so gentle and nice and I like him. And I’m worried that I have already started to like him a bit and if we continue to hangout my feelings would catch on and continue to grow and I don’t want to get hurt.
My question is should I continue to just hangout with him as it is and see how things go or should I tell him about my thoughts and ask for a real date?
I’m afraid that if I ask, our dynamic or whatever we have now will change and we won’t ever be back to what we have now. I may even potentially lose him as a friend.
Sorry, it’s a bit all over the place. My thoughts aren’t quite organized around this issue.
TL;DR – met a guy that seemingly wanted me as a fwb but I’m starting to catch feelings for him and not sure if I should tell him or just keep things the same way.
3 comments
You two want different things from each other. If you want a relationship, continuing to hook up with him, knowing he doesn’t want a relationship, is disingenuous.
If you’re going to move to NY, then this relationship doesn’t make sense in the long run
Know what you’re built for, be honest about how you’re feeling and move accordingly. If you want more, then say…doesn’t have to be now but let your feelings guide you… if and when time comes and he’s not feeling it? ’s not a big loss. Sleeping with someone you have deep feelings for who doesn’t feel the same isn’t something you wanna attach yourself to, so the “won’t ever get back to what we have now” is redundant because if you’ve developed feelings, you’ll feel shortchanged whether you tell him and he shuts it down or you say nothing for fear of losing something that only gets more painful in time
You need to be honest about how you feel even if it means losing the friendship. Regrets will weigh you down otherwise.