TALKS ABOUT SA !!
Me (f18) and my boyfriend (m18) have a really good relationship. He understands me, I’ve had many struggles and panic attacks in our year of being together and he has supported me through everyone of them. We also have a good sex life but I’m slowly losing interest in having it, it’s not him im losing interest in at all, im still madly attracted to him as I was at the beginning and crazy in love with him, couldn’t imagine doing life without him. I’ve never felt this way about anyone like I do. He’s usually in the mood and I just don’t feel like doing it much due to major overthinking as I was SA just over a year ago. When I am in the mood I enjoy it like I did the first time. I know when to say no and when I’m uncomfortable but I physically can’t say no to him. I know he’d respect my wishes but I can also tell he gets annoyed as Im saying no more frequently. We have had many arguments because of it and I just don’t know what to do. I just want to enjoy my time with him and not always have to be sexual. My love language is physical touch, so I’m extremely touchy and I like it back and when I get uncomfortable with it he is extremely respectful with in and this is what I love about him. I don’t want any more agurments about it though
Is this wrong or and I just overthinking it ? I just don’t wanna lose him to this because im so in love with him. Please tell me what to do?
Edit : I was SA multiples times, just over a year ago, with a guy that I was with at the time, I’ve come to terms with it, but I find it did hard to talk to him about he takes it the wrong way. He thinks it his fault that I’m like this. I obviously don’t let it effect me that much anymore but when I’m doing jt with my now Boyfriend it makes me think of when I was being sa and I have to stop. This is when he gets mad at me as I’ve said I wanted to do it but while having sex I change my mind and he’s not be able to finish. I don’t want my head to start thinking my boyfriend is like that because I know he isn’t that’s why I stop but he gets mad at me and then is off with me. I can’t help this as it’s not in my mind at the beginning. He has been very supportive and patient with me as I over came this and when I bring it up in normal talk, he understands how I feel and knows how much of a struggle it is, however when it’s brought up during sex he is completely different and off with me.
5 comments
You 100% can say no! Yes, talk to him about how you feel. There can be many factors in hand that is affecting your interest in intimacy. If he does not listen or respect your feelings, then that should tell you something about him.
It is always OK to say no and your partner should be respectful of that. However, if there is too much of a mismatch in your libidos, it will very likely cause problems in the relationship. The two of you should have and honest talk about how frequently you’d like sex in the relationship, and whether a compromise can be achieved that makes both of you happy. Also keep in mind that sex does not always have to involve intercourse if that would help you at all.
How could he be in the wrong if he respects your boundaries?
Are you asking if theres something wrong with him for having a libido?
Aslong as he’s respectful there’s nothing wrong with him having a libido. Is there a reason you don’t want sex? Birth control? Prescription meds? Hormone therapy? Trauma? Sexual repression? These can all supress the libido, or do you think yours is just low? Sexual incompatibility often causes problems in relationships so it’s important to establish why, then you will have a clearer picture on how to resolve it
When you search for therapists, remember to get one that is “trauma informed,” OP.