Im asking this as a clueless person. Ive never had sex. But I think about sex a ton.
Sometimes people have affairs and cheat on each other, but I find it hard to understand why?
Like say you have a wife, but you want to cheat on her with her friend… and shes all for it… how and why? I seriously dont get it. How could she think its ok to have sex with her friends husband behind her back?
I just dont understand the logistics of the cheating stuff and how they happen. Do people just get the opportunity to cheat and take it?
Im pretty sure the majority of people view cheating as wrong. Or I hope so. Sometimes I worry about getting into a relationship and being cheated on.
Most my ideas of how all this relationship stuff is from reddit. Which makes me lose hope sometimes lol
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Views on reddit do not necessarily reflect reality. People “cheat” for many reasons. To each their own.
You might cheat because you and your partner don’t connect sexually. Or maybe you’re just attracted to someone else more. Or maybe you just want to have sex with more than one person. Or maybe you’re just bored with your current sex life. Or maybe you are mad at your partner and want to hurt them in some way. Or maybe you are trying to get a promotion and the easiest way is by banging your boss. There are like millions of reasons why people cheat. None of them are very good ones.
I mean, sex with someone is more satisfying than masturbating if you communicate with your partner and it’s consensual of course. Cheating is not related to sex in particular, it’s about people being selfish, insecure, and having other emotional problems.
Various reasons: lack of satisfactory sex life/affection or overall unhappy in relationship, thrill of the chase, opportunity
I had a relative who was a huge womanizer but he was happy with his wife and treated her well. When someone asked him why he cheated if he loved his wife so much his response was “Because I can”. Women didn’t care and he was certain when his wife found out she wasn’t going to leave. And he was right.
Tons of opportunity, little to no consequences.
Esther Perel talks about cheating in her book, “State of Affairs.” One of the central points is that there is no one reason to cheat. There’s also no way to “cheat proof” your relationship or marriage.
People seek out novelty, and they seek out novelty in other people sometimes.
Cheating exists somewhat on a spectrum, from acceptable reasons (the person cheats but they are being abused and cannot safely leave) to considerably less moral (boredom without any work on the relationship.)
Cheating has also changed over time and class. It’s a pretty recent development that women in the US married to have their emotional needs met vs as a practical financial matter where men had affairs but women turned a blind eye because they were reliant on their husband for material safety.
The best you can do is have good communication with your romantic interests and partners, be honest about your desires, and explore them within the context of your relationship. If you want to have sex with others, talk about that, and if your partner doesn’t want that, accept and live with the trade off or leave.
Human relationships are very complicated.
Sex with new people is usually more exciting, not necessarily more satisfying.
There are several reasons people cheat: they might be just self centered and not care about respecting their partners, they might feel unfulfilled in the relationship and not having the courage (or the means) to leave it, they might be falling for someone else while still loving the person they are with and, again, not having the guts to make a decision, they might be just drunk an horny and doing something stupid.
The list goes on….
From a physical point of view. Being horny releases a LOT of chemicals. And, those chemicals can make people do a LOT of things that you might not do normally. This is where the term, post nut clarity comes from.
From a psychological point of view. People get resentful. People get disappointed. People fall out of love. People make really bad decisions.
Wife won’t fulfill my desires. I will find someone who will. Husband won’t show me any attention. I will find someone who will.
And, some people are just plain assholes and/or cowards.
Sex and sexuality is really hard to talk about because it is SO ingrained into what being a human is about. I don’t know any other “topic” that has so many fingers into the world we live in. Industries. Fields of study. Books. Clothes. Products. Etc. Etc. Etc. Beyond money. It is what makes the world go round (literally).
Cheating is never okay. It is a hill that I will die on.
LL person with HL person is your most basic recipe for extra-relationship adventures.
There are as many different flavors of sex as there are people. Usually, you are dissatisfied with your relationship or your sex life, and the frustration sends you elsewhere. Sometimes lots of bad sex makes you more and more hungry for good sex, and you run into the right person. People are only human.
Oxytocin. It’s the juice in our brains responsible for NRE… New Relationship Energy, and we’re really fucking high when we’re on it, and like all drugs it wears off. So, we go looking for hits elsewhere.
I think that “cheating” is wrong if your agreement with your partner is that your relationship is monogamous, but most people don’t ever discuss any agreements. There’s just assumptions and expectations that because we’re banging or dating or married that we’re monogamous, but it’s rarely ever actually discussed. And if it is discussed, that discussion needs to be revisited regularly.
And I don’t think that monogamy is necessarily organic or natural, and if it’s important to a relationship, needs to be practiced and nurtured, not simply expected, just like anything else.