I (24f) am dating D (27m) and I think I need to leave, but I don’t know how to bring this up.
We’ve been together for a year and a half. We recently moved into our first home together. But we’ve also been arguing a lot lately. Some arguments got out of hand, where he was yelling, cussing, grabbed me by the wrist, and said some awful things. I’ve been trying to recover mentally from the damage done and it’s really taken a toll so it’s been hard. I’m a sensitive person to begin with, and became a nervous wreck after the arguing.
The other day, he was on the phone with a mutual friend of ours, while I was with said friend. The phone was on speaker. My boyfriend didn’t know I could hear the conversation. He proceeded to trash talk me, call me awful names, and then tell the friend that “if ____ doesn’t start acting right, I’ve got a side piece down to f*ck in my DM’s right now.” I broke down and started crying. He had accused me of cheating about a month ago, his reasoning/evidence was because he saw a same truck parked beside my car at work, two days in a row, and the fact that I hadn’t “put out” enough recently. He has the frame of mind that if I’m not giving it to him, I’m giving it to someone else, and vice versa, if he can’t get it from me, he’ll get it somewhere else. I guess now I know he was projecting his own wrongdoing onto me, but I can’t tell him I overheard the conversation. But yet, I can’t stay with him either. How do I leave? What do I say? I have belongings here I need to retrieve safely.
TL;DR: I overheard my boyfriend say bad things about me and admit to having a side piece, over the phone, and now I want to leave, but don’t know what to say.
5 comments
Don’t say anything. Just leave him.
The friend will fill him in on the details.
Pack your bags and leave OP. He sounds awful.
If you need to get your belongings and are afraid of him, either get a police escort or have a friend go with you.
I get that you are sensitive, but this is a time in your life to stand up for yourself. Don’t allow him to intimidate you, play games with you, manipulate your emotions, or make you feel scared.
Break up and move out. If you have any financial ties, use a go between to communicate with him, but stop speaking to him and texting him. Go no contact. Cut him out of your life.
Oh my gosh, the only right answer to this is pack your things and leave NOW. He is verbally, emotionally and apparently physically abusing you – you don’t have to find the “right way” or something like this to break up with him, pack your things and leave. Just do it and tell him it’s over. But maybe bring a friend of yours and don’t tell him when you two are alone, it really sounds like your soon ex-boyfriend is nuts and gets more aggressive with time.
What kind of belongings do you have, like do you need a bag or a suitcase kinda deal? And would you be able to either ask someone to come with you while you get all the stuff or send someone to get them for you?
I’m really sorry he sucks. You deserve better.