I have been dating him for a year now. We are pretty close to each other and really similar which being the main reason we started to date.
We have dated two times, once in 2020 where we had to break up because he told his parents that we were dating and they didn’t support him. We started to fall in love again in 2022 and came back together.
I often have financial problems as I’m in University and sometimes i don’t get allowance from my family. I’m not allowed to work and earn until i graduate. So he used to send me some money sometimes. But keep in mind that i was very well aware of the consequences if his family came to know about it because even he’s not earning and they’ll definitely not like it he sends their hard earned money to someone else. I already talked about my concerns to him but he was pretty adamant in helping me out with money and he promised that nothing will happen and no one will come to know.
His mother did come to know about the transactions afterall and there was a huge drama at his home.
He called me urgently and told me the issue that i might have to repay him back. In the background i heard her saying that she’s a liar, a prostitute and a characterless woman who will just sit at home. She also said that she doesn’t want him to be in any contact with me anymore.
This hurt me a lot but i understood my fault to but the problem is he still wants to be with me and wants to prove her wrong. But i don’t want to prove myself right to a woman who has never met me or even trusts her own son and i personally can’t forgive her on the words that she used. It’s my self respect and i feel really stupid about myself. But now I’m at a place where i have to pay him back his money which does make sense. He didn’t wanted me to pay back before and said it’s his wish and responsibility. I didn’t knew this would happen.
His parents are insisting to talk to my parents but I am scared. They do not have their phone numbers or address.
Please give me some suggestions as to how i have to deal with this. I am very upset and confused.
TLDR:My boyfriend(M20) gave me (F19)money and his parents came to know about it.
7 comments
Are you two American?
He’s 20 years old, why does his mother get a say in who he dates?
Also, why is a grown ass woman tearing down the young woman dating her son by calling her a liar and a prostitute just because your bf gave you some money? Why doesn’t she like you?
If she wants to call your parents, let her. Before she does though, make sure they are aware that she was talking shit about you and calling you a prostitute.
Also, keep in mind that if you do stay with this guy, that more than likely, his mother will be a constant headache in your relationship. Especially if she’s already passing judgement against you, without meeting you.
Did he say anything to his mother about calling you names? Did he stick up for you at all?
Get part time job. Tutoring someone in the subject you are studying, just don’t make assignments for them, or you can be expelled. I hope you are good in STEM subjects. You need to put your education first and yes, do get a part time job. Don’t give his parents your details. When you put your address for a check, give an address of a trusted friend. Open an account in your name without them knowing with someone else’s address. Does your university have COOP opportunities? You absolutely need them to be employable. You need to save enough money in your bank account for rent for first/last months and extra. Once you graduate, you can literally just find a job anywhere in US if you are from US or anywhere in CAnada if you are Canadian, Absolutely anywhere. I have no idea how you navigate that in another country. Having work experience is crucial, at least in Canada. Most universities have coops with workplaces. You can lie that you are required certain amount of hours to graduate. His mom is already making you a prostitute for exactly what? a bit of money? You don’t need to repay him anything, but please don’t take his money anymore. It is not his to give. He is basically stealing from his parents. He is too young and has nothing, literally nothing. His mother hates you and trashes you. In a normal family they could have helped you with money, but they don’t want you even if they never known you. He is not that savvy with earing money and depends on his parents (some kids make money moving furniture here, working part time, tutoring…ect…) He just doesn’t have it to have a mature relationship with a female. He doesn’t have the guts, the money, the maturity, the education, or a supportive family. You will forever be a prostitute for his family even if you work for NASA and will always be accused of cheating with every single man on earth and used and abused and manipulated by his family to kowtow to them for your perceived sins of accepting some money to survive. In the future, they can financially abuse you. It is just not a future you want. You love each other but there is a BIG BUT, too big to make a decent future. Let him go. You need to establish your independence first and never date a man whose mother calls you a prostitute.
Um… I just have to ask, what is the thought process that made your parents prohibit you from having a job while also telling you to not depend on other people for money and to also to not send your allowance regularly? What are you supposed to do if you can neither make money yourself, rely on them to send you enough nor get money from other people? This makes zero sense, how are you supposed to support yourself then?
F his mom. Don’t take anymore money. Unless the university doesn’t allow you to work then get a job. Your parents are wrong to make you struggle. Don’t be with this man, his mother controls him too much and you will suffer for it.
This is really hard, I’m so sorry this happened to you! Do you not enough money to live on? If you don’t have enough money to cover basic needs like housing, food, etc then you absolutely have to explore real options that will allow you to provide for yourself. That’s basic survival, even if it means working when your family doesn’t want you to.
His mother’s words are horrible to hear but don’t sound true from what you’ve described. If he was not paying you for services rendered but giving a gift as a someone who cares about you then that just isn’t accurate. Disregard them as much as you can as the words of an angry mother processing her own complex emotions about the situation. What she said was horrible but most parents would probably be upset if they found out their son was taking money given to him for his expenses and giving it to a secret girlfriend. He is going to have to figure out how he wants to handle those family relationships.
If you and this guy have a great relationship that you both want to fight for, I hope you can make it work. Try to take the financial element out of the relationship as it seems neither of you have your own money to give away and it’s causing problems with family.
I hope you can figure out a reasonable safe way to earn your own money and support yourself while studying. It’s such a hard time and it’s unreasonable for family to refuse to let you work and yet not help you with finances consistently. You are old enough that you need to have a way to cover basic expenses. I will say that taking money from significant others while dating is generally messy and not great for most relationships, especially early on. As you’ve experienced, it adds a whole dynamic that is complicated and can come with expectations, strong emotions, and stress.
Wishing you all the best!
Wait, you took money that you knew was *stolen* from his parents? I wouldn’t be too happy with you either. I don’t l think I would call a kid names like she did to you, but you haven’t behaved very ethically here.
You might find some more culturally specific support with r/asianparents . I had to date in secret because of mine