Hello everyone, I Ana (30F) and my bf Adam (31M) have been in a relationship for a year and a half had a huge argument. I left him on read the other day and have not reached out since. At this point i am having second thought due to 3 incidence. I need some advice.
Let’s start with the timeline on January 2023 my family and I decided to try to better ourselves in this economy. My mother is an older lady in her late 50s and she wanted to be able to do something with herself or be something other than just a simple minimum wage employee. So my mother, my sibling, her husband and myself decided to put all of our savings together so we can open a little business in my mothers name. So she no longer had to work hard at her age and be able to be in charge. This is where the whole situation happens with my boyfriend, he is a very jealous type and thinks that he’s supposed to be in superior to everyone, so I hid the truth from him until I could no longer hide it.
Situation one: I had to sell my car to get a little bit extra money to help out with the business because we were really struggling. And then due to selling my car I had to actually get in debt and get a new car and loan. The monthly payments of the car are really high, and I spoke to my boyfriend, telling him how I’ve been struggling and stressing with money lately. I told him how much the car payment and insurance is which equals to about roughly around 980 to 1000 a month my boyfriend laughed. Saying that I shouldn’t get something I can’t afford that. I got this car. May 2023 I haven’t even done the first payment. So here’s a situation that upset me strike when you can say he told me in a quote.
Do you know what I can do to help? I can take the car out of your hands, pay the bills and drive it myself just handover the keys. I told him that I made a $3000 down payment on the car and he said people always lose sometimes. Let’s fast forward a little bit. Everything was going well we went out. We went to eat spend time with my family. At this point. I have told my employers about my situation that I will be leaving soon because of like the new restaurant, my family was opening. That changed the point of you of my coworkers employers, and the owner. They all started treating me different like if I was basically in the way and an annoyance to be present by I told my boyfriend that my situation has changed, and I’m struggling even more but six days a week turned to two days a week at my work. He wants again brought up the same scenario that he can take over the payment of the car and then I just have to handover the keys. I ignored his comment laughed it off and said Nana everything’s gonna be OK. I’m just struggling a little bit. Let’s fast forward to Sunday June 2023.
Situation two: during this time my boss cut my hours drastically to one day at a week. I had my first Sunday off in a while by a while. I mean a little bit over a year. My boyfriend he is your typical I guess you can say Jesus enthusiast I’m not very religious myself, but he is, I mean very religious to the point that at his place. He has a shrine of different Saints and Jesus. Don’t get me wrong I believe in God and everything but not to the point of going to church every single day. My boyfriend normally goes to church on Sundays with his family. I knew how important it was to him so I wanted to join him. I told him a week prior. Oh this week I don’t work on Sunday, I would like to join you for church. But please making a reasonable time he got upset and said that he likes going at seven in the morning the church she goes to. It’s pretty far for me. I would say around 40 minutes so that means I will have to wake up early around five in the morning . I asked him to please have a second thought about it and to go to the noon mass instead. He said that it’s a thing that he does with his family although he does appreciate that I wanted to true and effort he would rather go with them, but he can come and pick me up afterwards if I would like I got a little bit hurt, but I pushed it away, this was basically the argument we had prior to the break up or not break up. I’m not sure what it is. He didn’t come and see me until 7 o’clock against my will because at this point I was already upset. He doesn’t work on weekends so he could’ve spent all day with me and reality we see each other twice a week for about four hours after I get out of work usually on Saturdays and Sundays. Unless I asked for a day off so we can spend the day together. He told me that we were going to spend the day together and go to Los Angeles or go to an amusement park or something since we don’t really spend that much time together. He literally ghosted me the whole day that whole Sunday and then called me literally at 6 o’clock, telling me that he was going to come and see me.
Note : normally on Sundays, I work and I get out at 7 o’clock.
Situation three the breaking point: let’s truck back to the business. This will be the following day. After what happened that Sunday. So it’s Monday morning I call him asking him if he had anything to do. He said that he had to go to work at five. I did a little fib and told him that my family wanted to have breakfast with him. So I can finally tell him the truth. We drove the 30 minutes to the location where the restaurant is going to be we got out and we met my sister and her husband. I was happy, excited and walking towards the location for any of you wondering where it is it’s actually within a mall in a food court. we walked over there and I stopped in front of this vacant location. It’s almost ready to open we should be open by next month July 2023. I stopped and appointed I’ll happily and giggly I told him look that’s what I’ve been working on. That’s why I’ve been so secretive. I told her it was nothing bad.
His body language changed. He gasped . And then looked at me and said congratulations in the most cold and envious voice I ever heard I looked down and try to ignore that and I told him let’s go inside, so I can try and show him around. He followed me silently we all went inside of the location and I was happily showing him everything that we worked so hard for, and he just looks so serious upset jealous full, and envy, and it’s not. It didn’t even speak. One word stayed quiet. We were there for about an hour waiting for some people to do a delivery then I drove him back. He’s then started talking. Finally the first thing he said when we get married I want 10% in case anything happens if we get divorced. My jaw dropped. I was in complete and uncontrollably shock. I didn’t think I heard right so I was excuse me. He said that if he was my husband, he deserves a percentage to 10% is nothing to my 40% and that’s when I told him if we ever get married I want a prenup he got offended and told me that my little restaurant isn’t going to make enough money because like he is since he is a truck driver, I looked down. I dropped him off at my house so he can take his car and drive away later that day he text me saying that I’m stuck up that I’m letting the little restaurant get to my head that I’m being moody over it. I told him to please realize what he saying, and to think twice before he says anything .
Haven’t heard from him since. Any advice?
35 comments
You opened a business so your mom would have to work **less**?
This reads weird to me. Did he help with this endeavor at all? Why did you have to lie to him to get him to come see it? Was he against it? Was the prenup comment just to get back at Jo
For demanding a % of it?
You: “I left him on read the other day and have not reached out since.”
Also you: “Haven’t heard from him since. Any advice?”
I mean be old and out of touch, but “left him on read” means he reached out to you last and is now waiting to hear from *you*, yes?
Mad about a prenup? Huge red flag. Not to mention all the other stuff he does. I’d cut him loose and move on. That man is super toxic and just yuck with his bad, macho attitude.
He’s not the right guy for you. Not even close.
FYI – And if he drives your car and hurts someone, they’ll come after you. Not just him. Your insurance will go up, if they don’t drop you.
He’s projecting. The thought of future profits coming from the little restaurant is getting to HIS head and he wants a piece of it too.
Getting a prenup is logical; it protects both you and your partner in case things ever go south. While you may not think that you would ever break up with your partner, you also cannot predict the future. I didn’t mind when my partner brought it up because it’s something that removes some complications if a divorce were to ever occur. You are not crazy for suggesting a prenup and do not feel bad for bringing it up because he’s acting this way.
You deserve a better partner op. Find someone that is more reasonable and less selfish.
Don’t do the prenup. I say this because you should walk away from him. Completely.
He walks in and starts swinging his dick around, demanding 10%. Who the hell does he think he is?
Still, restaurants are very tricky. Make sure no one puts their house up as collateral for anything.
Incidence 1&2 I can see his perspective.
Incidence 3 would be a deal breaker for me though.
Yeah, so still not sure how your mom is getting to work less…but ok. So, he is obviously very jealous and controlling. Prenuptial is a great idea, and should be done, doesn’t sound like it’s all your business either, right, it’s family? So yeah, you need to see a lawyer about protecting your business.
His reaction when you showed him around is not how a supportive partner acts. I assume you knew he wouldn’t be supportive or you wouldn’t have kept it secret?
You should consider if you really want to marry someone this controlling.
It’s obvious your relationship is dysfunctional from the start. And so much other things make 0 sense. It’s awesome that you’re taking steps for a better future. However, opening business is a risk. Buying a new vehicle you can’t afford is beyond crazy. Maybe you could have found something in your means. Telling your boss or work of a commitment so far into the future wasn’t wise as well. Until your business was built and you had a soft opening date, your employers didn’t need to know. You shot yourself in the foot. I’ve seen restaurant delay opening for numerous reasons. I’ve also seen them fall on their faces if their not operated correctly, i.e., location, menu options, customer service, etc. Hiding it from a boyfriend you saw a potential future with was probably your subconscious telling you he ain’t the one yet you continued being with him. He’s already shown you that he has a lot of character traits not desirable in a lifelong partner. He’s already demanding a cut when you don’t even have a ring yet. Then b*tch baby throws a tantrum, stomps away, and belittles you. Why do you need internet strangers to point out the obvious? He’s NOT the one. Any secure, mature person would encourage, help, and lift you up. They can and will keep you grounded, but they would never expect to get something for nothing. They would also realize a prenup protects your assets. If he’s bringing something to the table, it shouldn’t matter. In the future, if you were to get a house or any other assets together, those can and will be split. Girl, move on. Write a list of all the qualities you need and want in a partner, and don’t settle for anything else. The end.
>Let’s start with the timeline on January 2023 my family and I decided to try to better ourselves in this economy. My mother is an older lady in her late 50s and she wanted to be able to do something with herself or be something other than just a simple minimum wage employee. So my mother, my sibling, her husband and myself decided to put all of our savings together so we can open a little business in my mothers name. So she no longer had to work hard at her age and be able to be in charge.
>This is where the whole situation happens with my boyfriend, he is a very jealous type and thinks that he’s supposed to be in superior to everyone,
#🚩
So you literally can’t tell your boyfriend you mom has a stake in the small family business. What fresh hell is this?
#🚩
>so I hid the truth from him until I could no longer hide it.
> business because we were really struggling. And then due to selling my car I had to actually get in debt and get a new car and loan.
That was foolish, in hindsight.
The monthly payments of the car are really high,
So, I’m curious, so why did you get such an expensive car? Don’t tell me that was your cheapest option?
>I have told my employers about my situation that I will be leaving soon because of like the new restaurant, my family was opening.
Don’t quit your day job. I thought you said this was mostly your mom’s operation. I would only work part time for your parents.
>They all started treating me different like if I was basically in the way and an annoyance to be present by
“I want to start my own business, In tired of working for you. I believe I can do better.”
Not in so many words, but that’s basically what you were implying. Hence your boss is giving your hours to other people because he thinks you neither want nor need to be there, which is a situation where typically people work poorly.
You’re not obligated to tell your boss the reasons you’re quitting. Ultimately say something like “I got another job offer that was closer to my house and it was too good to refuse.”
>I told my boyfriend that my situation has changed, and I’m struggling even more but six days a week turned to two days a week at my work.
So, you’re seriously behind on your car payments and straggling financially, so you decide this is a good time to give notice so you can start working at a family business which you have no idea how long it will take to turn a profit at this point?
>He wants again brought up the same scenario that he can take over the payment of the car and then I just have to handover the keys.
Essentially yes, otherwise the car is going to get repossessed and good luck getting your next car loan due to your credit rating being trashed. The payments will be double for the next one.
What you do here is go to the bank and see about transferring the loan and the title to his name. You don’t just give him the keys. It doesn’t matter who makes the payment if the loan is in your name and your name is mentioned in the title and registration. If he crashes the car, legally you’re on the hook.
> My boyfriend he is your typical I guess you can say Jesus enthusiast
#🚩
He isn’t, really. If he’s read the New Testament I feel confident in saying he doesn’t follow most of it’s teachings. He’s just into Authoritarianism and patriarchy ad far as I can tell.
>Haven’t heard from him since. Any advice?
Bullet dodged.
If he wants a 10% stake he’ll need to buy his way in by investing. Just like you did. Tell him but it’s still too early for that although maybe in a year you’ll see if your family would be willing to sell him a share.
You shouldn’t consider a prenup because you shouldn’t consider marrying him.
Reading this, I would say that both of you are quite dysfunctional and shouldn’t be with one another.
You should transfer the car / payments you can’t afford to him and then go your separate ways. Losing your 3k down payment is better than making an $800 payment on a depreciating asset for the next 60 months.
Try to make better personal and financial decisions in the future.
Y’all are not suited for each other. Situation number one and number 2 I’m on his side. You can’t demand to join him for church but at an hour that works for you. That’s selfish. And thats coming from a person who like to wake up at 11 on Sunday’s. Situation number 3 is weird and he’s crazy. So I think you guys are so different and on the important things you don’t have the same values.
>boyfriend, he is a very jealous type and thinks that he’s supposed to be in superior to everyone,
Noticing u didnt say fiance. Bad trait, I couldnt respect someone like this.
>had to sell my car to get a little bit extra money to help out with the business because we were really struggling. And then due to selling my car I had to actually get in debt and get a new car and loan.
This was a bad decision. Why need operating capital to run a business. I have a Bachelors in Business mgmt.
>week prior. Oh this week I don’t work on Sunday, I would like to join you for churc
Ya no, if ur joining him, that means in his plans, not that he needs to change his plans bc of u wanting to go.
Break up. U both made bad choices but he has a major character flaw
not sure but it seems there’s more to the story than what’s been told. some of what the OP has said regarding work, her car and the restaurant sort of doesn’t make logical sense.
a lot of commenters on here are pointing out the obvious about the risk of opening a restaurant. but because the boyfriend wasn’t enthusiastic that makes him envious?
If understood correctly, the boyfriend thinks he deserves stock in the restaurant in the event they get married? I would definitely get a prenup.
I had to go back and check the ages here 3 times, op and ops boyfriend/ex behave like teens.
You both say stupid things, you caused the issues at your job, he seems to be a pathetic jealous taker.
just not a relationship thats going to go anywhere.
until your familys food kiosk starts turning a profit your mad to give up a steady income, given you could work around both at the same time.
Hold up, how is selling your car and getting a more expensive one, financially “bettering yourself “!??? And opening a restaurant with the current food prices AND giving up your other job entirely BEFORE it takes of!??? Jeez lady, you really need to make better financial decisions…
Also, 100% NEVER marry someone who makes you feel inferior and you need to hide stuff from. I dont need to read past situation 1 to say this relationship is already a dead fish in the water… do yourself a favor and breakup so you can focus on your business and yourself.
Edit to add: maybe OP he isn’t “jealous” about your financial decisions but annoyed about the impulsively making of it and the short sightedness. Maybe his remark about the 10% was sarcasm because alot of startups fail unfortunately and he doesn’t believe you or your family are able to make well-thought out financial decisions/longterm planning… I sure as hell don’t and I’m just judging you by your own words!
Where to begin…
You made a huge financial decision (the business) and kept it a secret from your bf. You then made a stupid financial decision – buying a car you can’t afford – and kept asking for help.
Your bf doesn’t have to help you out financially but he still acted like a loan shark and not a romantic partner.
The prenup is honestly the least of your problems. You two need to figure out *how* you’re going to make financial decisions from now on and how would you handle day to day finances *if* you ever move in together. A chat about financial goals is needed as well. I wouldn’t be surprised if somewhere in that discussion you come across multiple deal-breaking differences.
Also… restaurant business to work less? In this economy? I mean… good luck.
No offense, but this reads like it was written by a chatbot huffing methamphetamine.
You don’t need a boyfriend right now, you need a financial adviser and a business plan.
Neither one of you should be in a relationship 🤷♀️
So he does not come across as a very nice person, but in saying that, most people would have dumped you by now.
Your secretive, you are complaining about money – first your car – a problem wholly yours in every way. Then in your work and finances – again a problem wholly yours. And you seem to expect him to 1. Help with your car payment, and 2 help you with the rest of your expenses, and 3 be. Happy that you are now going to work all hours available in a day trying to make a new restaurant into a successful business.
I hope that you end your relationship with him, and I also hope 1 of 2 things happen, your restaurant succeeds, or your family look after you when you are bankrupt because of it.
None of this makes any sense. Opening a business is tonnes of work and restaurants don’t make any money at first, so why would you quit your job? You’re going to need proper income to top up this restaurant until it gets on its feet. You also sold your car because you ended money but then had £3k to put a down payment on a new car and the money to pay monthly installments on it?
Are you making all this up or are you legitimately this horribly bad with money? Truly, the worst money choices I have seen in a long time.
OP I’m so sorry but those reeks of bad decision after bad decision. Dating him was one of them but that’s by far not your biggest issue.
I don’t understand the restaurant thing at all. In this economy that’s a money pit and how is that supposed to facilitate your mother to have to work LESS? You are saying the business isn’t doing well, so I guess you can’t afford workers no?
I’m so confused.
Everyone in this story is so mind numbingly dumb, I’m actually speechless
So, apart from all the weird stuff in this story (your mom working less by opening a full on restaurant, you selling your old car and buying a new one even though you didn’t have enough money, you giving up your job before the opening of the restaurant, etc.) you should absolutely not be with this guy.
I have not heard a single positive thing about him. He seems awful. And it also seems like he doesn’t even like you. So text him back that you officially want to break up with him.
And to add, keeping something this big from your boyfriend is also not a good sign.
Whilst he seems like an ass, I don’t think you’ve come off great in this either.
If you have any intention of building a life with someone probably don’t do huge life stuff, like buy a restaurant, behind their back. No one wants to be surprised by that news.
To me, you guys both seem like a bit of a red flag, or at least incompatible. Though so wish you luck in your new business.
Idk how u can both be in your 30s u look like teens to me. U r both wrong. The guy is a man child that cant control the most basic emotions, u on the other hand are the queen of financial decisions, sold your car and bought a better one that u cant afford to pay and left your job all the time while investing in a restaurant at this time with the current food prices so that your mother doesnt have to work(restaurants arent known to be chill places for those that have them). I mean if u close your eyes and just coin flip u r bound to get one of the above right, u beat all the odds mam.
Oh and btw u rarely go to church and he does sunday with his family, so why should he change his entire routing coz u decided to pay good old jesus a visit?
So many errors
Other than his weird 10% share comment, you seem like the idiot/asshole in this story, rather than your bf.
Reading this, and not to be offensive, but this all reeks of a severe lack of education. Every decision seems worse than the last. Opening a restaurant in a mall for financial security , and less work? Selling a car for money, just to turn around and get a more expensive one that you can’t afford? Being in a relationship where you have to lie about what you are doing, and then expecting an overwhelming positive response?
This is all written to paint your boyfriend out to be this terrible, jealous guy (and maybe he is, I have no idea), but I could also easily read this and say that he is just tired of being with someone who makes horrible financial decisions…
Either way, there is just no chance, none, of this relationship working.
He should be leaving YOU
You sound absolutely financially irresponsible, buying a car you can’t afford and soft quitting your job months before you should have while opening up one of the most cutthroat and difficult businesses one can open for someone else
What’s worse is you interpreted his displeasure at you as jealousy🤦🏻♂️
Wait, you are having your Mom open a restaurant for financial security and not have to work much?? Um, I think you are in for a shock. I’m shocked. Shocked at all the stupidity in your story. Also how the hell is your car payment and insurance around 1k when you obviously are underemployed and not financially savvy at all. If I was that guy that talks to you I would run. You need financial advisor not a boyfriend.