So I (28F) am in a long distance relationship with this guy (30M) one month now. We are about to meet on may. At first I didn’t say to him that I’m a stripper , I told him I’m a dancer without giving him many details. Then at some point he asked me to share with him a video of me dancing and I thought this would be a good opportunity to eventually open up and say to him that I’m a stripper . And I did.
At first he pretended as he was really open minded , really cool with it and supportive, even told me was turned on by my video dancing. Then questions came up , like if I get turned on, if I ever touched anyone’s private parts, if I masturbate in front of them and this type of questions. 3 days now and he can’t sleep, spends the nights crying and texting me back and forth. He wanted to know every detail, I explained that I dont have sex with them or kiss them, I have drinks with them and dances. One moment says me he wants every detail, then he say me to stop and doesn’t wanna listen anymore.
Tonight I was feeling really sad that every night is like this and I also cry about this everyday, because I don’t want him to be unhappy. So he told me I have 6 months to stop going, after the 6 months he doesn’t giving me permission. I am a nurse as well but I wasn’t enjoying my job as a nurse . I cannot say that the club is better or healthier, but its just that I can make more money and have more flexibility in my holidays periods and free time. If I was working in the hospital, I could not take fir example 10 days every month to meet him . The club is the only job that gives me thar freedom .Also I know that in order for this relationship to work, eventually one of the 2 has to live in the country of the other. We live really far , I’m in Greece , he is in maldives.
So I’m really concerned and sad about this situation. Tonight he was telling me that he wants to die and wanna end his life, I am really sensitive and he literally broke my heart telling me all these. I dont know what can I do , please I wait your replies, thank you.
LT;DR: I just told lately my long distance boyfriend of 1 month that I’m a stripper ( he only knew dancer), first pretended he was comfortable and open minded , but 3 nights now cries everyday and texts me all night without sleeping. Last night wanted to know every detail and I told him everything, then told me doesn’t wanna hear anymore. Told me he wants to die and better not live, also gave me a 6 month period to stop the club after this doesn’t give permission he says . My heart breaks seeing him sad like this, but I hate my previous job which is a nurse which also doesn’t give me the freedom to meet him every month, because is a job with more duties. Also I know in order for this relationship to work somebody of the 2 needs to go to the country of the other . I really care about him and love him, I dont know what to do…please help me , what should I do??
5 comments
Threatening suicide is blatant emotional manipulation and an attempt to control you. Do you think if you do what he wants it will get better? Not likely.
Perhaps he’s exaggerating and doesn’t really mean to off himself but he just wants to make you aware of how strongly he feels? OK, fine, maybe. But how do you feel about being emotionally manipulated like that? It wouldn’t make me feel good. I don’t think I could trust such a person. I wouldn’t want that person in my life AT ALL.
first it’s this, then it will be something else. there is no shame in that job and he sounds quite manipulative. bin him unless you plan to do everything the way he wants.
Well, he is trying to manipulate you and you clearly shouldn’t give into his demands, because they will escalate, as he already thinks he has the right to permit or forbid things in regards to your life. However, you also should be really upfront about your job, as it can be a deal breaker and it is manipulative to keep that information hidden.
You’ve been with him for 1 month and he’s already trying to control your life like this. That’s a huge red flag and if I were in your position I’d rather drop him than the job
One month in LDR is too short! Also he doesn’t have right to dictate you his desires. You do you & if anyone wants you to change your profession because they think is not for them then LEAVE.
If you agree to this demand, it will only give him an ego boost & chances to manipulate you again.
You deserve someone who accepts the whole of you. Regardless of your profession & embracing your passions.