I’m curious about people’s option of this.
So I, (20m) have an extremely high libido (could go 3 times a day, everyday) and my GF (21f) has a very low libido, almost Asexual I think (maybe once ever 1-3 months and she’s happy). I’ve talked to her and I’ve tried to get it to once a week but that’s sometimes not the case, I also have to verbally ask if we can and am not really allowed to just make a move on her. We’ve been dating almost a year and live together (not looking for opinions on the living, rent is crazy).
So we were talking the other day as we went into an adult store just to see what they had as she says sex is boring so I’m trying to find things to make it exciting as currently I want to try lots of things but she says NO to me giving or getting oral, she doesn’t like being on top or do doggy, I can’t go fast or hard (deep), and since I bought her a bullet vibrator (the Trojan one) she only wants that and no actual hands. She’s use hands on me for a minute and then just wants sex, BUT it has to be quick (ideally under 5 min) or else it hurts her [use a ton of lube which helps that slightly] and she gets bored and just goes on her phone). I’m fine with it being quick, but in order for that I need to be going faster or harder so I’m in a catch 22 there which is a whole different thing. Plus I’m not able to try anything to make it fun as it’s almost always a no. She also just lies that which can be fine but never makes it excited as I do 110% of the work
So basically the other day we were in the store and she was wondering what something was and I told her it was a pocket pussy. She said to buy it so that I am not always wanting actual sex (I masturbate a lot now as I have to verbally ask for sex and get rejected 9/10 times). So later that evening I went a bought one as she said I should and frankly I thought why not, could be fun.
She just told me today that she’s not too cool with me having it, BUT still doesn’t want to have sex all the time.
My thing is that I’m now getting quite annoyed and frustrated with the lack of a sex life between us and the fact that she is basically unwilling to try anything new to make it not boring (which I agree it is boring but cant seem to find anything she’s willing to try to make it not boring, I’ve asked her many times what she likes/ wants to try and its always an answer of “idk” or “normal”). Am I crazy or is this not my fault. And is having the inclination to break it off as I’ve been trying to improve things for months now to no avail, am I wrong or is this a valid reason to end it?
I’m going crazy here so any input and/or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
TLDR: am I crazy to breakup with my girlfriend over sexual issues (she won’t help make it not being and got mad when I bought a sex toy even when she said I should) pls read the full thing if possible before commenting.
7 comments
I’m sorry to say this, but it sound like you are not even remotely sexually compatible. If regular sex is an important part of a relationship for you (and it sounds like it is), then this is absolutely a valid reason for ending the relationship. You want a partner who is enthusiastic about having sex with you and wants you to have pleasure, not one who barely tolerates it.
If someone pulled out their phone while having sex with me, I’d be gone.
For many libido mismatches, there are compromises that can be made to keep the relationship. This doesn’t even sound close to something that is workable. If you are in a romantic relationship in which your sexual needs aren’t being met you will not be happy. Period. It will poison the relationship so that all that is left is bitterness and resentment.
My wife of almost 20 years often showed the same lack of interest regarding sex. She simply didn’t understand what the big deal was, made excuses, rejected me often, had no desire to explore or contribute 50 percent to a sexual dynamic. We were close to divorce many many times.
It may be that your GF uses the word “boring” but what she really means is that she simply doesn’t have a very strong interest in sex. She’s not wired to be excited about it and honestly nothing you present to her will induce a drive to have interest in sex.
Wife and I now have an open marriage and a mostly platonic relationship. She’s come out on the asexual spectrum. I’m free to have other lovers as I please. Not all sexual incompatibility issues have to end in separation. Lots of work, however!!! Best of luck to you OP.
Do not marry into a dead bedroom. I repeat: Do NOT marry into a dead bedroom.
Look man, pure honesty here it sounds like she’s a nightmare to deal with because she’s fully aware of the issue but is choosing to ignore it. Sexual compatibility is important and I don’t think you two have it
You two are not compatible. You’re friends, not partners.