I am struggling with this. Hard.
I [31F] have a great partner [34M], he is willing to communicate and genuinely gets me off. However, I can’t stop faking it. I think I’ve been doing it for 20 years and don’t know how to not. I get uncomfortable if the sex is taking a long time (I guess this isn’t even true in reflection, since I fake orgasm so quickly). I give a fake illusion of coming within 1 minute or so of PIV. I know this is dumb, I know I should just stop, enjoy the sex, let it take longer, and get to a real orgasm. I just can’t do it. I feel shame and worry. Sex feels like a performance for them to me.
He makes me cum multiple times with oral every time. That is genuine. I have never in my life had an orgasm from PIV. Never in 20 years of sexual activity. The fact that he makes me cum with oral is better than almost every other partner I have ever had (except some honorable mentions).
I am a grown adult and I just don’t know how to break my own behavior. I get uncomfortable letting it go on for so long without an orgasm. I want to start enjoying sex, enjoying the acts between start and finish, and enjoying all the feelings in between, but I struggle so freaking hard and can’t break the mental block.
Edit: One of the issues is that I can squirt, so it seems like I am orgasming, but I really am just squirting.
3 comments
Sometimes there’s no way to do but to simply do it. If you have a tendency of faking so early into sex, really think hard not too. And then little by little take longer not faking it until hopefully you reach your first orgasm
Would you consider discussing this behavior with your partner? If he knows the immediate orgasm from PIV is going to be fake, maybe you won’t be so compelled to do it? But you’re right, there’s no point in this, especially when you have a partner that actually wants to please you. Also there’s a good chance you won’t just automatically cum from PIV, but you could incorporate fingering or toys as well. If you can stop doing this it will open up a lot of fun options for achieving a real orgasm during intercourse.
Definetly a habit you created and now it’s sort of hard not to do it. I think there’s definetly some deep rooted reason why you do and understanding that reason will help you overcome it. I think there needs to be a conversation with yourself and your partner on why you feel the need to fake it when you do orgasm during oral. I do not cum through PIV, but that doesn’t bother me nor do I feel inclined to “fake it” just because I can’t. There is many woman who can’t cum from PIV. Do you feel you shame that you can’t cum from PIV? Or guilt? Has a previous partner ever made you feel bad for not being able to? Do you think it makes you more of a woman or better at sex if you can cum during PIV? Sex should not be performance based or orgasm being the end all be all. Sex should be fun, and intimate and make both parties feel good but if it doesn’t end in orgasm that’s ok. It will only create disappointment in the end if that’s all you want out of sex. Life happens and our bodies sometimes don’t work everytime. All good questions to ask yourself to create reflection