I’ll start by saying we had a ton of sex when we first met and I really thought our libidos were the same (really high).
Now, not so much. There are definitely days where we’ll go at it a couple times, but most days I’m the only one initiating and I’m lucky if we go one round. I’d love to go more.
She told me yesterday that she masturbates 3 times a day normally when she’s alone.
I’m feeling hurt because I’ve raised the issue of our seemingly mismatched libidos before, but it seems she does still likes to get off plenty in her alone time.
She is bi and watches a bunch of crazy, sometimes violent porn (it’s animated) and I guess I have this worry that maybe she’s just not as attracted to me as I am her or that I can’t give her what she’s seeing in that porn. I watch porn too, sometimes with her, but I’d always rather have sex with her or help her get off. I masturbate way less than her but want sex way more than her.
Anyone have experience with a similar dynamic going on in their relationship?
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I would suggest couples therapy. The problem here is probably not sexual but something else in the relationship, one that possibly won’t be easily articulated without some help.
Sex and masturbation are such different experiences, I can not be in the mood for sex but still want to orgasm and masturbate. It has nothing to do with my husband or me being bi, it’s just not the same as sex.
3 times a day?? That’s nuts
Sex and masturbation are 2 separate experiences, which you may be in the mood for one over the other BUT if you are masturbating to extreme porn multiple times a day that’s pretty much guaranteed to reduce your real life attraction to your partner and reduce your want for sex
Am I reading this correctly that you sleep together everyday or most days but don’t do multiple rounds anymore?
You can’t equate orgasms to a high libido. Or masturbation to sex.
All you need to be concerned with is are you having the sex life you need?
Be aware there will always be a honeymoon period at the beginning. Then things settle into who a person really is.
Now she has settled and this is who she is. Take it or leave it.
I had to leave mine, because I just needed more. It’s ok for sex to be a need for you. You can’t expect it from any specific person . But you can say you will date until you find the right person.
She could be lying to make herself seem more sexual than she actually is.
People do masturbate for reasons apart from arousal. Some do it to sleep. Some for stress relief.
Ask her what she would need to be more interested in sex or touch. Maybe there is an area that is lagging like quality time or chores.
First just gonna say if this was a woman writing about her male partner it would be all hissing and that he has an addiction.
OP this isn’t what anyone needs this early or ever in a relationship. I was with a woman who would masturbate but not explore our relationship sexually. I’m much happier now, sexually and mentally. Do not settle bud.
When she masturbates she will definitely cum, when you are having sex does she cum? Plus they are two different things masturbation is way less effort and it’s all about you.
Sex and masturbation are very different. Sometimes you just want to get off without all the emotional involvement, full body workout, and mess, etc. It’s not the same. Don’t compare apples and oranges.
She getting fucked by someone else homie
Honestly this sounds like the same situation as when we hear about guys getting addicted to porn and neglecting their partners. She has found it to be her preferred method of release, it sounds like. If she has trouble orgasming from penetration, maybe that’s part of why. Sounds like she has become fixated on a specific stimuli, mentally/visually and maybe physically as well. That’s a problem for a relationship if she can only get that alone, and doesn’t see an issue with that.
Your gf should meet my ex lol!
I’m sorry, but the vibe is more satisfying than you are. Maybe you should try something different.
In every relationship I’ve had, there has been an unpredictable ebb and flow of sexual drives. I find it rare that it matched up all the time. If you’re okay with your sex drives not always matching up, which I think is normal, ask her if her sexual interests are changing, be patient, and supportive. If not, well, you know where the door is and it’s only been 4 months.
Porn addiction?
Im surprised more people aren’t suggesting a porn addiction. If she was a man I think it might be more obvious.
She’s addicted too porn. challenge her to go 30 days no porn or masturbation and see where her labido is 🙂
She’s not up for those things… with *you*.
Lots of people with this same story over in r/DeadBedrooms
prolly dont like you fr
Her brain is trained that the violent porn she watches equals sex, arousal, gratification, reward.
A lot of people are very sensitive to hearing that the overconsumption of porn they are watching is not good for them. It’s denial because it literally is an addiction. I’m not saying masturbation is bad, but when you NEED to watch hardcore porn to get off, or crave porn to masturbate to rather than be intimate with your partner, it’s a problem.
It’s like any other drug, if you require it to have a good time, and when you abstain from it, you are angry, grumpy, miserable, or withdrawn from your normal activities… you have a problem and you need help. The more you consume also the more you will seek out new and more “hardcore” porn genres to be satisfied and will notice that vanilla porn which at one time maybe aroused you like crazy, doesn’t do anything for you anymore…that is why there is a lot of debased shit out there.
This girl needs to break the cycle and the violent porn is certainly unhealthy for her mind, and her relationship, and for you as well. Good luck.
She is cheating … not confusing or any other excuse..
She probably needs to cut the porn off. But maybe the issue is not just masturbating, maybe she’s uncomfortable with sex, a mental block there? She feels more comfortable by herself bc she might be insecure, self conscious, has hang ups etc. Just a thought I have no idea. I also masturbate a lot (no porn at all, though) but my issues with sex have nothing to do with that but the fact that it makes me feel uncomfortable and vulnerable
Wait till you get married.
Mismatched sex drives can be relationship killers
pinch it and smell my pussy