I (17F) met my boyfriend (18M) in the freshman year, when I moved to the USA. I arrived late in the school quarter and couldn’t speak fluent English. He offered to help me since he didn’t want me to feel left out. He asked me to teach him Lithuanian and now he is fluent in it! Anyway, long story short we caught feelings months after my moving and have been dating for three years. Our relationship is going strong as ever!
His mother (41F) is not very fond of me. I met her a year into our relationship and she was very awful to me. She’s told me to go back to my home country, speak English or get out, and what hurts the most is, she thinks I’m trying to propagandize her son into being something he’s not. I’ve explained to her so many of times that he was the one who wanted to learn about me, my country, my language, my culture, etc. But she won’t listen to me.
I have asked my boyfriend to handle her since I don’t want to leave any more of an impression. Luckily for me, he’s defended me each and every single time; but then she says I’m brainwashing her son to turn against her, which is not at all what I’m trying to do. My intentions is to be as respectful as possible to her, but I’m finding it very difficult to do so. I think it’s because I’m from a different country and she has strong views against foreigners.
I’d like to know how I can form a better relationship with his mother? I would love for her to understand my perspective and form a bond. Thank you Reddit!
5 comments
Well the solution is for you guys to cut her out of your lives.
It doesn’t sound like you did anything that influenced her attitude.
It is up to her to change if she wants to be in your life. So he needs to put the wall between her and the relationship or you meet to find another BF
Your boyfriend sounds like an amazing guy, but his mother might never change… she sounds like a bigot and very racist. I think the only thing you can do is introduce her to your culture by meals, treats/baked goods, presents, or maybe trying to do things with her like getting your nails done/coffee together/shopping? But I’m not sure how much you’d enjoy spending time with her if she acts this way… I’m sorry, you seem like such a lovely girl and she should be happy that her son is happy with you!!
I don’t think you can form a relationship with her. She’s shown to you several times she’s xenophobic and doesn’t like the idea of her son dating a foreigner. You sound like an incredibly sweet girl despite her nasty remarks. I hope you and your boyfriend last a lifetime, xoxo.
You two sound perfect for each other. Young love, am I right?
Ok, onto the advice;
His mother doesn’t seem like she wants a relationship with you. In fact, it doesn’t sound like she wants you to live here anyway. It’s a sad case for you, as you and your boyfriend are young and may not have a lot of control on her. I’m saying that cutting her out of the picture when you’re older is your best bet. You’re a lovely girl for even trying to form something beautiful with someone so cruel. I give you so much credit. The mother sounds insufferable.
I think just continue being an amazing couple and she’ll realize you’re good for her son in the end, just continue being nice to her your boyfriend is defending you so you have nothing to worry about