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Created a throwaway to post a profile review, but new accounts cant create new topics. So I’ll just leave it here,
Profile review 33m
My other app profiles are similar. Long story short, I got out of a serious long term relationship 2 years ago. Silly me I thought dating wouldn’t be quite this difficult.
In that time I’ve been on about 30 dates. I’d say 50% are a one and done. Of those some are her ghosting me, some are a mutual ghost, some are my decision. I always send a text saying something like, “I feel like we arent a match. Best of luck.”
Of the other half, the majority fizzle out after 3 dates or so. I was in a 7 month relationship last year. She moved out of state and we tried long distance. We only last 3 weeks before that ended. I had a 3 month “situationship” with a girl that was 2 weeks out of a relationship. Learned that one the hard way.
Not sure what I’m doing wrong. I feel pretty confident in myself. My life is sort of boring at times, I work a regular job every weekday and I I specifically look for women with a similar lifestyle at least. My friends are all married and I only see them on occasion. Otherwise I just work, go to the gym, meow at my cat, repeat. Maybe that’s the problem?
https://imgur.com/a/6JLHWoL
[deleted]
So the guy I went out with for like 3 dates over the course of 3 weeks lied to me about deleting his Bumble app.
After our second date and after we slept together, he unmatched me so I asked if he wasn’t interested anymore and if so, no hard feelings – just tell me.
He said he deleted his Bumble app so I took his word for it. Big mistake. I then deleted mine. I didn’t ask for him to delete his profile or for exclusivity. All I said was I don’t want to be lead on and be clear in your intentions. He said he wanted a LTR like me.
We met for a third date and I slept at his place overnight. He then started to get sick and stupid me believed it. I offered to bring soup and meds if he needed but he said no thanks then just started sending one word responses and finally went silent for two days.
I assumed I was ghosted and kicked myself for not reading the signs sooner. Didn’t feel too bad though because honestly the sex was bad but when I made a new profile on Bumble, guess who was still on it?
He texted me saying he’d been sick for the past two days and sleeping in. His bumble location clearly showed him 40 miles away from his house and most likely at work when he sent that.
I simply said I assumed I was ghosted, made a new profile and dont know why he would lie about unmatching me instead of just telling me the truth. I didn’t accuse him of anything, call him names or anything like that but he went ahead and blocked me. Couldn’t even apologize or come clean.
All I want is honesty and if someone wants casual/FWB then just say it. So pathetic.
I asked my crush out and was politely rejected. It stings but I need to practice my social skills if I ever want to meet someone special.
Poll: Would you date somebody with a lazy eye?
(asking about myself)
All day I’ve been bothered by what my bf told me last night. Last night we had a huge fight, mainly him yell lecturing me about how I make him feel and how I don’t meet his needs. And if I say anything it’s misconstrued, used against me in some way, and that my feelings towards things don’t really matter bc it makes him feel worse.
We’ve been going to couples therapy lately and I’ve opened up about something’s in our relationship I would like to improve on and how I need certain needs met. In a way, the therapy is more for him to learn how to communicate better bc he really sucks at communicating to me. He never tells me how he really feels about things until we are arguing then he lashes it all out on me. And he’s not that great of a listener either. He hears what he wants and creates narratives out of it so it fits his reality. I’ve been telling him the things I need to feel loved and he doesn’t hear me so I thought therapy would improve it and instead I feel like it’s making the relationship go downhill instead. I know he has a lot of resentment towards me in therapy bc the therapist is making him accountable to how he’s treating me in the relationship and my bf is asking “what about her?”
Last night he used everything I said about him and our relationship in therapy against me as he raged out on me. Then he called me cold hearted, selfish, toxic, unempathic, overly critical and negative. That is what has been on my mind all day. I’ve been analyzing everything and I honestly can’t agree with anything he said about me. He twisted around things I said so it aligns with those things. When I did try to defend myself he would twist it again. If anything I’ve been empathic and compassionate the entire time. I’m just getting tired now bc no matter what I say he has an excuse for everything. Also, when he told me all of that, he had the most disgusted look on his face like I gave him the “ick”.
Then after he finished raging on me, he came to me across the room and gave me a hug and said he loved me. I started crying really bad bc he just raged on me calling me all of those things leaving me so confused. Then he didn’t want to leave even though I asked him. He said he won’t say anything and he’ll listen to me which he didn’t abide by. When I mentioned it he went off on me again telling me how I make him feel all the time. Then he stormed off and finally went home. I haven’t heard from him today.
I’m not looking for answers. I just needed to vent and let it all out.
I was asked at a party recently why I am still single/ have no boyfriend by someone who has been with their partner for almost 15 years and won’t marry them despite the fact that the partner wants to and they have a child together.
Had to bite my tongue to not clapback.
My biggest lesson this week that I feel like I keep trying to gaslight myself and making excuses is that a person’s communication style on the app/pre-date is the most accurate predictor of the person’s communication style in-person on the date. If they can’t keep a conversation on the app or ask you reciprocal questions on the app/pre-date, that’s largely how they are going to behave on the in-person date as well.
This has happened to me essentially every single time. I can’t remember the last time it was the complete opposite in person.
No matter how badly I want to give the person a benefit of the doubt… I need to just stop wishful thinking and get a reality check.
Right?
Rant: I’m a woman dating men but I feel like my annoyance is universal.
If you’re on a date and it feels like an interview, consider that maybe the problem is you? If you’re giving short answers that are difficult to build off of and you’re not asking questions in return, the person you’re dating may not know how else to fill the silence.
I don’t want to interview anyone. At some point I start leaving long pauses between questions. But if the man I’m with is giving me nothing, I’ll just keep talking rather than sit in silence. Makes me feel so annoying lol
So I (29F) met this guy (29) over hinge and we met and pretty much hit it off well, we started going out and went well for 3 months. He was way out of my league handsome, wealthy, charming and I am perfectly average. We both knew this for fact and despite these we connected pretty good.
Lately I started noticing him taking less interest in talking or texting, he was being distant and emotionless. Totally opposite of what and how he was when we were going out. He started getting cold towards me for a few weeks, later one day I jumped the gun and told him that I had started liking him a little and don’t know if that matters since he’s being distant to me. He replied with he didn’t think it like that and ghosted me after.
I never got the closure on what changed, is it a good idea to text him after one month of this happening..? I still think about him, I know we never committed but I do miss the bond we shared.
Third guy in the matter of weeks who has made a snarky remark about me not drinking alcohol. (Two I’ve matched with and never met. Only one I’ve met.)
My profile clearly states I rarely drink. (Like why match with me if you’re going to make a snarky remark about it?)
*sighs* moving right along
So something has been weighing on me. I’ve been single for almost 2 years now. I recently gave up on dating again. So I know it’s healthy to have standards and boundaries. But when does it become just an arbitrary list rather than a standard? And how do I know what should be more important qualities to look for? Or all things I shouldn’t compromise because “I know what I want”. Just feel like love is an idea rather than reality.
Celebration I guess, Last relationship didnt work out I ended it because it was clear she was going to be a nightmare as we progressed.
But I got out and started dating again, had a few dates, almost all of them went well but the girl I went out with the other night was exactly what i’m looking for, she also seems to be extremely keen on me.
I did a body transformation during covid and got into incredible shape, I’m talking bicep veins, 12-pack, huge shoulders and back.. The whole deal.
After covid I jumped back onto tinder with some killer photos and my dating life the past 6 months has been INSANE but overall ive found the quality of relationships and dating has been the same old BS as before I got fit, just at a higher volume.
What ive been hoping to get out of all of this is someone who matches some of my hobbies, lives nearby and has similar interests…. and I might have just possibly found one (time will tell ofcourse).
Obviously things can still fall apart but holy shit I dont think ive EVER had a woman kiss me like she did the other night, Was like a wave of passion.
I’m a 36 year old guy who has been living in a major US city since 18. I’ve been out of the dating world for a decade after 2 years of Stockholm syndrome in an abusive relationship but I am finally getting ready to jump back in.
On Monday my car got stolen from in front of my building and it was the final straw after years of wanting to leave. My condo goes on the market next month and I’m debating where to go. No matter what it will be out of the city. 2-5 suburbs out, I have lots of options for quiet, safe houses
So…how does this affect my chances of finding a relationship?
Do single women live in the suburbs? Are women who live in the city interested in men who don’t?
Sorry if those are stupid questions. All of my close friends have been married for years….and all but one couple met in the city.
And to be clear: I’m looking for a relationship, not a hookup. And the suburbs I speak of aren’t sparsely-populated farm towns or anything
Going very well so far with my new guy! Seeing him for the 5th time tonight- can’t wait to sit on his lap… he’s basically a man beast and I can’t get enough. As cliche as it sounds, he’s a real man unlike my ex. I can’t believe I was with such a loser, thinking about it makes me sick.
Back to rant: went on a date with someone from OLD, we got along really well over texts and seemed to have similar hobbies.
But then when we met he looked so different from his profile, but more importantly he would jokingly says things that felt like he was moving way too far ahead. Like oh so for our wedding etcetc. Like hold up, we only just met once.
I’m just so tired, i’ll probably be that old, single, grumpy aunt at family gatherings at this point. Ugh.
how long do you wait to get your stuff after a break up? my ex wants to meet up to give our things back. i had suggested it right after we broke up because i like clean breaks but he had completely ignored that request and now he wants to meet up 1.5 months after the break up?
part of me wants to be ~okay~ and ~cool~ about seeing him but a huge part of me doesn’t want to see him and just ask him to drop my things off on my doorstep because i’m healing but i still love and miss him and i don’t know how i’d handle seeing him.
i remember when his roommate and his partner broke up and they were gonna meet to exchange things but his roommate chickened out last minute and made my ex do it for him and we made so much fun of him for doing that…oh how the turns have tabled.
I went on a date with coffee shop girl and I think we both had a blast. There was flirting, hugging, some handholding, lots of laughter, and I think we’re gonna meetup again next week.
When I was telling my coworker about it, she was getting all giddy and said “You really created a K-drama moment there.”
I haven’t told you guys how I got hit irl the other day! I was in the school library and this kid out of nowhere came to me and asked if I know how he could use eduroam which is the school wifi. Then he started asking where I’m from, which year I am, what my name is lol. I got stunned a bit and gave him very half-hearted answers. Then we said goodbye.
But then, as I was leaving the library 30 mins later, I saw him thru the glass door. I waved goodbye to him and he waved back. When I got out of the library he called my name and ran after me (ahh). Then we talked a bit and I found out he’s local but he’s doing his master’s in Quebec and he’s only visiting for a few days. Then he asked if he could get my number so we could grab a coffee, I was hesitant and he saw that lol. Dun blame me that kid looks 25 or 26 tops! So how could I possibly… You know 😂 so he asked if he could get my FB instead and we can message there. So I gave him my FB.
We messaged on fb the next day and agreed to grab coffee. At the coffee shop, I found out this guy that I thought to be younger than me turned out to be a man in his 30s and he’s 4 years older than me no less 🤣🤣 well, his Latino genes probably have done him some good! And it does not help that he looks really young and cute too!! That’s why I was so hesitant to grab a coffee at first haha. Well anyways, the hangout went well. Idk what will happen next cuz he’s going back to Quebec soon but I’ll for sure hang out with him more
as long as he’s still here!
I’m sad. I (34F – divorced from an alcoholic, 1 young daughter) have been dating a man (44M – never married no kids) for almost a year and a half, and it’s time to end it. It’s hard for me to find anyone. I’m a single mom, religious, I have my daughter 6 days a week, I’m not interested in introducing my daughter to anyone until there’s commitment since her dad left so many times, and I’m not interested in sex without commitment. So, I’ve been fine with our casual but exclusive arrangement until now, we see each other once a week, no sex or anything. I barely feel like we have a friendship anymore, he’s not trying anymore. I’ve fallen in love and he’s unavailable. I’ve told him I loved him before knowing he didn’t feel the same. But, I did so again when I was getting ready to fly on the plane the other day, he knows I have severe anxiety in general but especially flying, and he told me I was being dramatic, he added a kissy 😘 face at the end 🙄. Felt like a slap in the face. Then when I got settled after getting to my vacation 2 days ago, I asked him to FaceTime, he asked to do it another time but didn’t offer an alternative, he’s been avoiding me at night since but has been trying to text me his work troubles during the day. I can’t do it anymore, I care too much and by his own admission he wasn’t sure what he was capable of and now I know he’s not capable of what I need. I’m also having surgery the 27th when I get back from vacation and he didn’t ask if I’ll need help or want him to come visit. After this long, it just doesn’t seem normal not to offer.
Tomorrow evening’s first date was planned a week ago, so my anxiety has had plenty of time to simmer. The text conversation has slowed down, too, but I gather that’s normal?
I’ve now had four dates with a woman: date one was a quick one hour conversation that went well, dates two and three were much longer and frankly the best dates I’ve ever been on, and date four was a quick coffee. After date four I noticed she was pulling away a bit so I actually made a point of asking if things were moving too quickly. Over the course of today we’ve had a great couple conversations where she is worried about the pace (specifically that we seem to be very couple-y already) but that she enjoys spending time with me and wants to keep dating. I am completely okay slowing down and I reassured her I’m also not ready to be officially in a relationship. We also discussed where we stand on swiping, dating other people, etc. I said right now I’m not swiping and not dating anyone else, and she said she’s not swiping but is talking to some other guys (but hasn’t gone on dates with them and I’m the most serious).
So now I’m wondering if I *should* be going on dates. I do well on the apps and even though my account is paused I have some lingering matches that are interested. I really like this woman, but I am also afraid of my anxious attachment style coming out and maybe going on other dates will calm that side of me…advice?
Had a great first date, was definitely swooned by him. Had a great second date, but I’m able to step back and evaluate things appropriately for the first time ever. A lot of this success is based on heavy alcohol usage throughout…. I can get along with anyone when I’m drinking, we had fun, but we didn’t gain any depth through this. I’m super attracted, more than I’ve ever been to anyone in YEARS, the sexual chemistry is THROUGH THE ROOF, but I objectively am not impressed in who he is as an individual. I wish I could be shallow and just continue dating him for fun. I really tried this week but communicating with him outside of physical dates is so unfulfilling. Sigh.
I completed a slow fade with a woman who I really liked. She stopped be as responsive but honestly I feel relieved.
This pattern has occurred several times – I meet a woman who truly interests me and aligned on values. She’s responsive at first. I find myself truly enjoying the interaction. Once I realize this, anxiety and self-consciousness kick in. I feel less confident. I don’t know to what extent it’s perceived by the woman, but she eventually loses interest. At first I’m kicking myself for letting myself get anxious. But I’m also simultaneously relieved it’s over.
A big part is that I know that I don’t know what it takes to have a successful relationship. That self-knowledge may be what’s leading to anxiety.
I’m taking a break from dating to focus on myself. While I’m on this break, what can I do to improve my feeling of preparedness for a serious relationship?
I’m trapped in a situationship and I’m too afraid to leave because it turns out she’s super unstable. For real I have no idea what to do. Send help.
living on my own for the first time has been very liberating. Though it takes forever to settle in. My goal is to have 95% of it all figured out and new stuff bought by the end of month 1.
I had my birthday the other day which was kind of a reality check that I am way past any arbitrary life schedule I set for myself. I feel sad looking back at the chances I squandered because I was just younger and dumber and like ugh. If I could just go back in time and warn me!! I feel like I’m trying to wrap my mind around the idea of having a child by myself and it’s so intimidating. Not even the baby part but the loss of like… all my free time, having a life
I was seeing someone for two months and was falling hard as was he apparently but then we had a misunderstanding that caused him to bail. I have never felt so blindsided and misunderstood. He then came back after 2 weeks and admitted he overreacted and he knows I’m what he wants. He was sleeping with my jumper every night and thinking about me non stop. Talking to his family and friends about all my qualities… He wants to lock me down. I’m perfect in his eyes and we both want the same things etc etc so we made it official.
Its been three weeks and since then he has shown me in every way he can that he is in it for the long haul. Hearing this before would have left me giddy and weak at the knees but I can’t get those feelings of trust back. I’m afraid he’s going to bail again so now my heart is guarded. It’s disappointing. Hopefully with time I can’t trust him again. For context he has been single for 3 years and in a 10 year relationship before that and says he freaked out since he only wants to get into a relationship if he’s 200% sure. I’m worried he’s put pressure on himself now because he’s put me on a pedestal
Am I overthinking?
God I love emotionally unavailable men. Like I know it’s likely something in me that’s afraid of commitment or feels unworthy (have a therapist, working through it) but I always end up in a situationship with someone who just sees me as the “for now” girl. I don’t know how to find a man who actually wants to put in the “long haul” work. The guys I date are great guys, and we have a lot of fun together, but they just don’t see a future with me. Last week I broke it off with someone I was casually seeing for 6 months bc he was evasive and dismissive when I tried (several times) to have the “define the terms” conversation. And I feel like I’m entering into another rn. I’m almost at the point where I’m accepting of the fact that I’ll just have 6 months long flings for the rest of my life, but that just seems so sad and hollow to me. A few guys have basically Catfished me into believing that they wanted a relationship,and maybe they did, but not with me. Idk, this feels like a “poor me” rant and maybe it is, but I needed to get these thoughts outta my head and throw them into the ether. Thanks for letting me share.
I bit the bullet and paid for a few dating apps this month. Holy hell the quality of effort people (specifically men) put into their profile is abysmal.
I hear a lot of complaints from men about no matches. I currently have 14,950 likes on Bumble and well over 300 likes on Hinge. The LARGE majority of profiles include nothing about themselves. Are y’all NPCs?
So.. question/rant…..If we are already dating.. formally+exclusive. Should he stay over after sex? Yes. No. What’s the consensus? Is it a bad precedent on them leaving after such an intimate moment? Is it just being too clingy?
Thoughts on dating timelines? I met someone and really like them, but it feels like they are jumping into couple-y things way too soon. Like within the first month. It has been a trend with other people I’ve dated, you meet and all of a sudden are spending weekends with them, suggesting trips etc. What is the norm/comfortable boundaries for others? I’m having trouble communicating mine and then not feeling guilty afterwards. Id really like a long term relationship but I only have time and space for 2-3 days a week hang (in the beg) with life and work. I also love my alone time. Anyone else?? Thanks
How long would you wait to bring up a shift in your partner’s energy/behavior? My GF has been acting a bit differently since we got back from a trip this past weekend, and it’s killing me. Less flirty, using different emojis, different communication cadence. Then all of a sudden super flirty, sending tons of messages and notes and posts. I know some of that may seem trivial, but I feel like you get a sense for your partner’s patterns of behaviors in person and virtually.
I mean, I know the usual things can be going on. Work stress, family/friend drama, etc. I’m definitely an overthinker, so would like to bring it up soon, but don’t want to come off like I’m accusing her of anything or attacking her. Advice on how to approach is appreciated.
Update on my situation (read past posts for my full story). We talked last night, and he admitted he wasn’t physically attracted to me. All the weeks (8 weeks of dating 2-3 times a week AND we went on vacation together) of no touch make sense now. Super confusing because he still wanted to hang out and date. I declined and blocked him on everything.
Now on a journey to lose weight, work on myself, and glow up. I WILL NEVER let another man enjoy my personality, time, and effort just to tell me he likes everything about me except for how I look. NEVER.
Hung out with a guy last Sat I’ve known for years through mutual friends but was always just a saying hi in passing thing. We’re friends on social media and always like each other’s stories. Sat he showed up where I was with a friend, and sat down next to me. We chatted for a while before I left. I made it clear I was interested. He messaged me afterward to say goodnight and I replied the next morning that it was nice to see him. Haven’t heard from him since. I was a little tipsy but I recall the convo being good. Should I reach out to him or wait til I run into him again and see what happens?
I’m strung out and so, so tired of this endless routine of app thumbing and shouting into the void.
For every hundred messages I send I’m lucky to get even a single reply if I don’t just get left on read. I’m even luckier if they talk to me for more than an hour, and luckier still if I actually get to the date, and even luckier than ***THAT*** if I don’t get stood up.
I had a total of four dates last year. Two I got stood up on, one ended coldly after a the first date, and the other ended with her telling me point blank that I wasn’t good enough, and that she wanted someone “*just like you, but with additional qualities*”
Good, but not good enough, that’s how it’s always been.
Come August it’ll be officially ***EIGHT*** years since I’ve been single. Everyone wonders what my problem is over why I can’t find a partner, or why I have such trouble with this… And those eight years I was actively dating and getting into relationships weren’t good times, I was in so many abusive relationships where I got cheated on and used… I can’t even look back on THAT fondly.
I’ve tried so hard for so long. I put my best foot forward, I try to present the best possible version of myself, and it’s just never enough. They always say “*Be yourself*” but after so many years of ***literal*** abuse and rejection, myself is the last thing I want to be.
I can match with lots of men on Bumble. I only reach out to a few at a time so I have time to properly engage. Few respond. Of those that do, almost all of them don’t text a second time. God forbid if a weekend happens in between – they rarely text after the weekend happens. If I hear ONE more man say, ohhh, women have it easy…NO. THIS ONE DOES NOT. Over the past 2 years or so, my experience is so many men are unavailable and put as little effort in as possible. I naturally make an effort so I’ve been slow on noticing this. But I did eventually notice and I exit immediately I get a whiff of no matching energy. There are only a handful of awesome men I met and saw a few times but just my luck I just didn’t develop any sexual feelings for them. I have no control about whether I’ll feel sexual about someone or not. I can tell after a few meetings if it’s a definite NO though. One I dated for a month and he was absolutely someone I wanted to know better; we started developing a friendship and I felt a faint glimmer of sexual attraction starting for me, but then he bailed – it was too soon for him to be dating – next time, I’m not engaging with any man who’s been out of a relationship for less than 6-12 months. I’d love to have sex again but just do not want it with anyone except the man I see a future with. I’m so unhappy about this. I wish I could do ONS or FWB but I am not built that way and cannot. I will not. I really want to connect with a man on a deep level and share a life together and get married. Feels like looking for a needle in multiple massive haystacks. It’s depressing sometimes.
I guess just a reminder that if her kids field is hidden, then she probably has kids.
Men and women really have such different dating app experiences 😆. Was talking to a friend who had just got back on the site, she was complaining about the quality of messages she was sent in the first day back, only a couple out of a dozen making any effort. While I sympathize about how shitty that is, I’ve had maybe one new person message me in the past three months since I came back to the same dating app (and even that was a zero effort message, who barely responded when trying to get a conversation going).
Real life progress might be getting a bit better, I always feel more confident in my summer outfits, just harder to find places to meet people out of the heat (high temperature absolutely destroys me).
I was considering though getting one of those Pear rings (or maybe a knock-off, as it seems pricey for what it is). Always thought the idea of something visible but subtle to show you are open to meeting people was a good idea ever since I almost bought an Amulet of Mara for the same purpose 😆. But what are everyone else’s thoughts on them out of curiosity?
Update for y’all. And omg is it an update.
Mr perfect and I have hit our first pretty big patch of ice. We were so on the same page with everything, and everything I’ve posted has been great and true. So it was of huge surprise that when I went to go clear my notifications and pause my hinge that hadn’t been checked in weeks, i see that he updated his bio.
This was right before our date. We had at that point only been on one date, talking for a month but still, it was way too premature to talk about exclusivity. Especially because we agreed upon going on a few dates before that talk. However with how close we were mutually feeling I assumed he wasn’t even interested in actively looking around (I understand that’s my bad).
So after our date he wanted to set up a 3rd but at his place. And I wasn’t comfortable with that and then I let him know I saw he updated his bio and that’s when things went south. I wasn’t aggressive or combative with my concern but he was defensive and his reaction was reactive. It made me uncomfortable and then he said he didn’t think we were going to work out so I said ok bye.
We didn’t talk the entire week. I matched with someone and literally an HOUR after setting up a date with this match, guess who texts me that they want to talk.
Man. I’m so annoyed rn lmao. I don’t need advice I’m just venting because what the fuck 😭
I need to be talked down DOT. A guy I really enjoyed, and enjoyed me (or so he said) ended things because he didn’t want a relationship. I saw him on tinder the other day (2 weeks after us calling it). He has in his bio he is looking for long-term, open to short. I really want to call him and ask him why he felt he had to lie to me. I don’t understand why he didn’t feel comfortable enough to be honest with me. If he does want to be in a relationship and just not with me I think I deserved to know after 3 months of exclusively dating. Tell me not to do it, I know it will make me look bitter and crazy.