My girlfriend broke up with me a few days ago. She was saying we aren’t spending enough quality time for her, quality time for her is going out, staying at hotels, going out to dinners, etc.
Each month I run out of money bc I’m trying to do all those things for her. Restaurants weekly, cooking together, site seeing, hotels, trips away, you name it we’ve done.
She cheated on her ex with me, I never blamed her as he was a extremely aggressive violent person.
However she has broken up with me, saying she feels like I “force myself” to do the things she likes. I love doing them, my idea of quality time is cuddling at home, but am always happy to compromise. She said being at home together is the “worst form of quality time she can think of”.
She wants to revisit it in two months, but she has removed me off all her social, all photos or any proof we were together and is now following her ex and liking all his photos.
I feel like I’ve been screwed around, I’m not perfect, but for the first time i’m my life i’m proud of how I was in this relationship, I thought I was a great partner.
Do I attempt to work on this in a few months? or do I let go?
edit: I’ve had 3 relationships, this was by far the best, she was amazing to me for a while there, made me feel good about myself, our families likes one another, we were just a good match. If someone can PM me to have a chat, it would be much appreciated. Have had mental health issues before (attempted 4 years ago) and this has made me feel worthless. We had a joint bank account together, holiday savings account, etc.
43 comments
Let this go. Sometimes there big differences between two good people that makes relationship between them a poor idea. You two were just incompatible.
You should seek someone more like you in their interests.
Let it go, trust me she’s playing you
No, don’t. Anyone who tells you that your idea of comfort and fun is the “worst possible” is certainly not worth giving two flying fucks about. Move on.
Let it go. You two have radically different emotional needs and hers are quite frankly very superficial.
The fact your coffers run dry trying to satisfy her is a huge red flag on her end. I say reciprocate, remove all traces of that relationship from your social media, block her, meet someone who is satisfied with just spending time at home cooking dinner together and watching reruns of Friends or whatever, and encourages you to build a savings account.
You might have been looking at this through rose tinted glasses. It is important to make sure the relationship is comfortable for your partner. This goes for both people in the relationship.
You are probably not happy with these activities draining all your money. This should have been communicated. If she doesn’t care – she’s no good for you.
Thoughts on time at home together would absolutely be a dealbreaker to me.
You live, you try, you learn. It must be hard to cope with at the moment, being dumped is never easy.
But that’s why pple date. It’s really trying out what it’s like to coexist with the other person. And sometimes it’s just not the right match.
i’m sorry this happened to you, but let it go, man. she’s not worth it. does she ever pay for all of those “quality time” or just you? and also you can always find another person that enjoy the same thing as you do and want to compromise as much.
No, you need to be blaming it on her. It was her decision to still be involved with her ex while together with you. She could have set boundaries to not be in contact with him but she chose not to. If he really was that abusive and violent she would have needed a restraining order. You have no reason to be getting back together
In a silo, it’s easy to say she’s a god awful person and partner and that very likely is the case.
But for the sake of giving you the most pointed and accurate advice, more context is necessary. How long have you been together?
Now, she says you’re not spending enough quality time together. For her that’s going out, staying at hotels, going out to dinners (which I’d lump in with going out), etc.
Going out? I wouldn’t even remotely suggest that’s inherently unreasonable. She wants to “date” her partner. Nothing wrong with that. Now, does that mean she expects you bear the entire financial burden of doing so? Well then yes, that’s unreasonable, especially since you’ve told us you’re not in any sort of financial position to do so. You shouldn’t be expected to anyway, but knowing your situation, you should never have even entertained it. You’ll have to let us know. Did you talk about this?
Hotels? Again, context matters. What’s your living situation? How often are we talking? What’s the financial expectation there? It again doesn’t matter given you can’t responsibly do so, but did you talk about it?
To address her cheating on her ex? To continue to be a broken record (because it’s important), context matters. If you came here at the beginning prior to getting serious with her and told us this, I’d have told you that conventional wisdom would suggest that if it’ll happen with you it’ll happen to you.
I’m sure that’s a concern here, but the problem is you’re talking about issues with quality time and then mentioning the fact that she cheated. But one has nothing to do with the other. Has she exhibited behavior (outside of what you told us) that’s untrustworthy? Either way, it has nothing to do with why she broke up with you.
You then mention what you consider quality time. That’s fine, but I’d also suggest that’s unreasonable on its own (unless you find a partner who agrees). You mentioned compromise and you’re right. A perfectly reasonable happy medium would be time going out and time staying in. Obviously that didn’t work for her and that makes her unreasonable and a breakup was a blessing to be honest.
What’s there to revisit in two months? As for social media, it’s completely irrelevant. I don’t know if you were “screwed around with.” I think she seemingly was open with her expectations and you went along with them. You’ll have to let us know.
She cheated on her ex with you, she now cheated on you with her ex. Don’t worry about her and move on, you will find someone better for you
Let it go bruv, plenty more fish in the sea. You have seriously no idea, give it time it will hurt but you should seriously please let it go.
Sounds like a headache and not worth it; you’ll click with someone else you have time.
Your relationship didn’t sound healthy sounded like you did everything she wanted ? Now she’s left and following her ex! Plus relationships are never good to start with one of you cheating (she cheated on her ex with you. That’s a red flag) I hope you find happiness you’re still very young. Don’t let this discourage you I believe there is someone out there for everyone
So she leeches money off of you and cheats on you too? Good riddance. Block her and move on.
Did you ever actually investigate whether her story about the ex is true?
But yeah, you should ghost her, permanently.
Don’t be an ATM man
Support , trust and respect goes both ways. I had rough moments and my partner supported me and when she was in the process of changing job , I was there for her. Quality time is being together with a partner that loves you and respects you OP.
There is another dude. Never speak to her again.
You’ve been finessed my man. Let it go
She seems spoiled. You’re better off finding someone with the same outlook as you.
Meet someone who wants you for you and not what your money provides.
Honestly Op, I’d let this one go, considering that she’s probably going to be the same way as far as quality time is concerned and the same goes for you. Unfortunately it sounds like you two aren’t on the same page and most likely won’t be. Regardless of the money issues and what not, you two have different dynamics that don’t match up. It’s better to just move on in my opinion.
Shit bro. You sound like you were the rebound anf you were love bombed. You got swindled. Waste no more time on this. Start over and look for someone less materialistic and social media centric. Those are not serving you well.
Incompatibility. You don’t have to hate this person. You don’t have to even convince yourself that she’s wrong. But you do have to recognize that when two people have very different ideas about the best ways to spend time with their partner… that’s incompatibility. Trust me: go through as many break-ups as necessary to find your truly compatible partner. Good luck.
Honey, she went back to her ex.
mate trust me look after yourself and get rid of her as fast as possible never talk to her again find a nice lady
You were here sugar daddy. You funded her extracurriculars. Heart is still with the ex it seems. Always weird how women go back to a bf who’s violent to them …. Go figure
Man your story is a stereotype.
>quality time for her is going out, staying at hotels, going out to dinners, etc.
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>Each month I run out of money bc I’m trying to do all those things for her.
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>She cheated on her ex with me
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> I’ve had 3 relationships, this was by far the best, she was amazing to me for a while there, made me feel good about myself
She used you, she is a cheater, she never stopped cheating. Once she had another guy who didn’t run out of money she left you, just like her ex.
You’re young, gullible and a fool, you pumped all your time and money into satisfying a user. And you thought you were special and loved because she cheated on her ex with you. You were neither, just the fool she led to believe to give her a good time.
The one good thing you can claim is that you experienced this when you were young. So do better.
Man I didn’t even read the whole thing…. Good riddance to that woman… Go find someone who appreciates you my dude.
“She removed you and started following her ex and liking his pics”, “she wants to revisit in two months”
….BRO she’s is fucking her ex like it so obvious. She wants to see how things go with her ex and if they fall out again, she’s using you as a backup/rebound. You’re being used as an emotional crutch and being used for your money. “Quality time” isn’t having someone spending all their money. Block her on everything and move on. Take time to work through your feelings and find someone who isn’t gonna use you.
Hi OP! We really had the same situation minus the ex (maybe I didn’t know about it), and she broke up with me 3 weeks ago. I’m 24M and she’s 23F. We lived in for 6 months, she’s my 4th girlfriend, I paid for everything, also did everything together. Traveled almost the whole country at my expense.
At first, it was rough. I was mad, confused, and trying to understand the situation. But I just surrounded myself with the people who I think love me like friends and/or cousins.
As time passes, I’m still on the stage of reflection, and it kinda runs well for me as of the moment. I’m still trying to learn what I really want, accept that she’s gone, and finally know which type or attitude that compliments my action. Its okay to be frustrated.
Here are my suggestions:
1. Acknowledge your mistakes
2. Learn to open up to people (literally can make you feel better and make the time feel faster)
3. Determine your worth
I’m sorry, but she didn’t really love you and she’s absolutely NOT worth it.
My boyfriend and me are opposite in some aspects, I love going out and doing things, he prefers staying at home. But, even tho I like going out, I LOVE staying at home with him, because we have more intimacy, we can cuddle, play videogames together and all these things. That’s quality time for sure.
And I appreciate every time we go out, even if we only go to a bar, because I know he’s doing it mainly for me. Sometimes, when I’d like to do something in particular, the first thing I’ll do is ask him if he wants to and clarify “if we do this, money’s on me, because I’m the one proposing it and I know you wouldn’t do this, if it wasn’t for me”.
All of this to say: if she really loved you, she would’ve compromised, instead of pretending. And the fact that you were the one paying for EVERYTHING? This makes me think she only want someone to use, someone that’ll take her places without her having to spend money.
I hope you can see what I’m saying and understand that she doesn’t deserve you and you’re better without her. And if you want to have a chat, I’m here!
A loving partner does not bleed you dry. A loving partner pays their way and compromises. A loving partnership should feel equitable. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. Now you have been given the gift of time to reflect on this and what you want. There are so many women out there who would love to cuddle at home.
She regrets being with you and is now trying to revisit her relationship with her ex. She told you she would revisit your relationship in two months because you’re the backup plan. If things don’t work out with her ex she’ll come back to you.
Do yourself a favor, don’t get with someone who cheated to be with you and don’t think those people are sane. She cheated to be with you, she likely cheated on you and now you’re her contingency plan.
You aren’t meant to be together. You both have different ideas of how to love. That’s okay.
But why couldn’t she pay? First date i get it but then you share the cost.
Stay broken up and start saving money. Sounds like her love was conditional on the size of your bank account.
Look, you should have broken up the moment she cheated.
Learn this lesson. Don’t spend more on someone that they give back to you. Either in money, time or sweat.
Dawg the fact you have to run out of money each month to keep her happy is a red flag from the beginning grab your balls and let that shit go
Its all her not you bro. You sound like a good
Man who tried his best to be a good boyfriend and did a great job, you just picked a bad girl it happens. Im a lot like you and trust me we’ve all been there. Nothing is wrong with you, and don’t revisit that relationship no matter what she says or what you think.
Dude your ex is a gold digger. Hell no to going back to her. Work on yourself first and make improvements on your work and finances before even dating again.
you do too much for somebody that doesn’t even respect you. please stop pleasing the wrong people and focus on the ones that really deserve you.
You don’t seem compatible at all and she used you. She sounds like she was pretending until her ex came back.
You’re 22. Move on. The dangling of the two months thing over your head is just designed to keep you waiting and maintain a form of control over you while she’s off doing whatever she wants.
Quality time together does not have to involve going on lavish excursions. But, quality time should be more than just sitting in the house. There are plenty of things you can get outside and do with each other that don’t cost a lot of money.
If you seriously wait two months for her. She wins. Don’t try to stoop to her level. Don’t go liking a whole bunch of your ex’s pics.
Focus the energy on you.
I don’t think you are compatible. Your idea of fun and your next girlfriends idea of fun should maybe align more closely if you are both to be truly happy.
Let it go, feels like you aren’t compatible. You both want different things. Be young and life
Don’t date cheaters. They are toxic ENTITLED liars! Unfortunately this was inevitable. Think about the fact she is going back to her “abusive” ex! All of that was a lie. Nothing is real with toxic people.