A month ago I met this girl on Tinder. She is 22 and I am approaching 26. We immediately hit it off and I found her humour really appealing. The first date went so well and there was such a strong connection that we spent the entire day together. The second date is when we slept together as she wanted to wait a week to get to know each other more.

I learnt on the second date that she has ADHD and that she is bisexual( and only been with one man). All of this was new territory for me as my previous lovers were all straight women who were experienced in bed. Nevertheless we proceeded to have sex. Honestly this was, by far, the worst sex of my life. I am usually a very good and generous lover and I always try to make the experience as pleasurable for the women.

First she kept on asking me loudly “ What did you say!” when I would whisper dirty things to her. It also seemed very painful for her when I was inside her…I felt so bad like I was hurting her. Then we did doggy style and she curled up in the fetal position. I didn’t even continue and just spent the rest of my time going down on her( 80% of the experience) while she didn’t reciprocate. Her ADHD also started flaring and she kept asking me the most random questions afterwards when all I wanted to do was sleep.

I told her now that I don’t see this going anywhere and that we just incompatible. I feel so bad because she said she doesn’t like flings/used for body but still wanted to sleep with me because she found me attractive( she even hinted at wanting a relationship which is way too soon)

How do I not feel guilty? I feel like I may have played her but honestly the sex was too bad to continue.

Tldr: slept with a very inexperienced girl and sex was really bad. Cut it off afterwards and now I feel a bit guilty that I may have used/mislead her.

11 comments

  1. >I feel like I may have played her

    If you’d only gotten close to her and been kind to her because you wanted sex, you would’ve played her. If you’d planned this, then yeah you would’ve played her.

    You just weren’t a good match and it sounds like she’s a bit insecure and has trouble communicating about her needs in bed. That’s not your fault.

  2. You’re both dodging bullets here.

    First times can be awkward AF, but if you’re not willing to give it a chance based solely on the first time- that’s for the best. You’ll find your performing seal soon enough.

  3. i think you should’ve communicated it with her and gave her another chance, then if it still didn’t improve, you could’ve left.

  4. Well she definitely feels used now and the sex was definitely not fun for her either. You should talked to her about it

  5. All you can do is just be honest and kind which it sounds like you were. Sometimes there’s just no way getting around hurting someone when you’re dating. Eventually this would have happened so it may as well be in the beginning before either of you catch real feelings. It sucks but it’s life.

    I have to disagree hard with people saying you should give her another chance or your expectations are too high.

    If you had a bad sexual experience with someone the last thing you want to do is have sex with them *again* . I don’t think there’s anything wrong with realizing you’re just not a good match. Chemistry is important and it’s pretty obvious if it’s completely nonexistent or if it was just an awkward first time. This sounds like it was the former.

  6. “It also seemed very painful for her when I was inside her”
    I guess she was not wet enough or not aroused at all and you didn’t care to wait or to arouse her. You don’t sound as a good lover to me tbh. I’m sorry she ever met you.

  8. If she was in pain it’s likely she wasn’t wet enough, in the future I’d make sure I’d that before having sex with someone. A good lover makes sure of that

  9. These comments are crazy. You don’t sound like a bad or selfish lover. Penetration can be painful EVEN IF YOUR WET. And idk if people know that

    Trust your gut but talk to her because no doubt she will read into the situation

  10. Why not just tell her this, maybe she’s up for working on it.

    I always find sex with a new partner awkward, exciting, but also awkward.

  11. I don’t think it’s selfish to know what you want I think it’s the way your putting it out there seems kind of mean. But this is a situation where no one wins. As long as you were being honest with everything you did nothing wrong. Remember words have meaning and to be kind to her

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