My wife used to be amateur/semi-pro bodybuilder. Maybe officially a pro since she enrolled in a federation but she did only a few shows and then just kept lifting for fun and health without participating in competitions. I have lifted for years but always for fun and health.
She brings up how she lost her six pack a lot, and in general brings up abs a lot. Like, scrolling through Instagram she’ll suddenly go “OMG, are you seeing this girl’s abs?”, or “damn, X celebrity is really hitting the gym, huh?” (referring to their abs). At some point I decided to shed enough fat to have a visible six pack, because… I just hadn’t done it before and it seemed fun to try
she was DELIGHTED when they started showing, but she also started bringing up how she lost hers and is “too lazy to get hers back” because she doens’t want to lose weight for potentially months for them to show (only to potentially lose them back after gaining some weight back). sometimes she’ll look at herself in the mirror and pinch visible belly fat and say things like she’s tired of it (one time I got on my knees to kiss/bite her belly as a joking response to that comment and she… wasn’t pleased), or get a bit self-conscious if I caress her belly while spooning
one time, we were going through old pictures and in some of the bodybuilding-era photos she was so lean she seemed to have 8 “packs” instead of 6 and I jokingly said “holy shit you had an 8 PACK?!” and she jokingly pretended to cry
she also doesn’t pay the same attention to any other part of her body. like, she does have a rather sizable butt, whcih tends to be a problem for some women, and also would look a bit more trimmed if she lost weight, but she likes it while at the same time hating belly fat
so at the end of the day, I don’t care? in my opinion she looks fine as is and makes me feel like she’s judging herself too harshly and obsessing over a single body part despite being above-average fit already.
and, as admitted by her, she met some women who would retain a six pack even after gaining back weight while still exercising, and this is a known thing, some people simply are lucky in how they distribute fat and can hold a six pack even after gaining an amount of weight that would make other people look unathletic.
She also feels HORRENDOUS while losing weight, but also met some women who were just chilling while eating an equally low amount of calories, so she just kinda lost the genetic lottery in fat distribution and hunger tolerance
can I do something to get her to understand she’s obsessing over her abdomen to an unhealthy degree and has just bad luck in trying to fight adverse natural circumstances? belly fat is not gonna make me dislike her body, but seeing her feel anxious about a body hurts her mentally, and me in the sense that I wish she wouldn’t feel so bad about this.
what can I do?
**tl;dr:** wife constantly brings up her belly fat and lost six pack. makes me sad to see her obsess over a specific body part. how to help her overcome this?
3 comments
>can I do something to get her to understand she’s obsessing over her abdomen to an unhealthy degree and has just bad luck in trying to fight adverse natural circumstances?
No, there’s not. Her insecurity and self-loathing in this matter has nothing to do with you therefore there’s nothing you can do about it.
Unless we said something, women’s body issues have nothing to do with us. Our job is to smile, be loving, and praise them.
And, if it becomes a burden on YOU, to tell them to limit how much they complain about their bodies to/around us.
Well, she has two options:
> Deal with it;
> Fix it.
Feeling sorry for yourself is just pathetic.
And well… You don’t need to starve yourself to maintain a decent shape. You need to exercise and stay physically active. And eat less junk food. That’s about it.
Also, you don’t necessarily need visible abs to look good. In fact, in my opinion at least, women are *far* more attractive, when they are just lean, without visible abs.
same thing happens to me (28f). and every time i wear my yoga pants, i ask my husband if my belly fat shows. every single time. i just can’t help it but i guess i need his reassurement. he once said to me the exact thing you are asking here, i guess he got tired as well, and my response was “i know this is an insecurity of mine that probably will not go away ever, i just need to hear from you that i’m beautiful just the way i am and that you love me no matter what, with or without belly fat”