So I have a problem in relationships and I always tell myself it’s going to be different, but I fall in the same cycle. I’m very open with boundaries, expectations, past, and any problems outside the relationship when it comes to communication. What I really struggle with is when they do something that upsets or makes me mad. I tend to bottle it up, afraid I’ll say something that hurts their feelings while convincing myself it’s not worth arguing over. It then proceeds to manifest itself into something it’s not and it bothers me until some time goes by (days or weeks).
Guess what I’m trying to ask is how did you decide to man up and have that argument/communication when it was needed?
7 comments
You don’t have communication issues. You have anger management issues.
I’m willing to bet that when you bottle it up, you spend time being angry alone, making a bunch of assumptions as to why your partner did XYZ, and when you finally have the discussion (if you don’t sweep it under the rug), you explode all your feelings and your partner is completely blindsided by your accusation.
How am I doing so far?
That’s not a communication issue.
You need to sit down and communicate earlier before it accumulated.
You have to be honest and have conversations when you’re calm and before you start building resentment from what’s bothering you. I know it’s easier said than done.
Also, over communicate with everything so there’s no misunderstandings that lead to an argument later.
You should talk to a therapist
Do not date those you cant talk to
This sentence : “What I really struggle with is when they do something that upsets or makes me mad.”
Reminds me of Marcus Aurelius : “You have power over your mind, not outside events.”
I suggest starting from there. Teach yourself to not allow actions to make you mad.
Only then, when you remove the anger in yourself about the situation, communicate.
Or, in a simpler form, avoid falling into : “This makes ME mad, and I want YOU to do something about it.”
set the boundaries, but you have to have the balls to leave that relationship when she doesn’t meet them, women are like children, if you let them they will pass you by