I’m absolutely done with feeling alienated and having no sense of a community. I barely know more than 5 people and I think this is a widespread issue among my generation. I would love to live in a close-knit town and be part of something. Most of my interactions are digital instead of physical and I would like to have it the other way around.
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Everyone knows everyone in a small town, and most of them have known each other for generations. You will be a perpetual outsider.
I moved from a big city to a very rural area. No, I’ve experienced the complete opposite.
I was super involved in my community in the city. I volunteered with a mentorship program, was in clubs, had season tickets to a sports team, was involved in civic stuff etc.
Small towns can be much more isolated, much more clique-y, and less welcoming of outsiders. There’s simply not as much opportunity for things and many of the same organizations have been the same people forever, there’s very little turnover or new things happening. The same guys who ran the Lions 30 years ago run it now.
If you don’t want to be alienated, go do things in the community. You’ll have far more opportunity to find things that fit your interests in a city than in a small town.
Edit: I’m not more or less happy than I was in the city, it’s an entirely different life. Frankly I wanted isolation and to not be in the hustle and bustle anymore. But I’m trying to caution you that small town life in my experience and the experiences of others that I know is not the same for new people as it is for those who are from there. Get involved where you live now and see how you feel. It’s not easy to move and start over.
I moved from a few different cities to a small town. I love the nature but people in small towns are often very insular. Cities felt way more open and welcoming.
Cliquey and gossipy.
I love small town life except for the social aspect.
I have and I love it. Now, I already had some friends in the town and I work there, so I’m not really an outsider to the same degree as I would have been if I had just moved here out of the blue. I get involved in community events and I wouldn’t ever want to move back to where I grew up.
I think a lot depends on the small town in question. If it’s very insular you might not be accepted, but if it’s less so you may be. My town has a core of long term residents but also has newer people.
As someone who moved from a city of around 1 million to a city of around 400k, am I qualified to answer this question?*
*I moved from San Jose to Oakland.
Depends on the small town. VHCOL small towns are generally that way because so many people want to live there but so few can due to geographical constraints. This has two effects- there’s decent turnover so new residents are able to integrate and everyone lives there by choice which means they’re all happy living there. So if you have a high paying remote job and plenty of savings, they’re a great option.
Wherever you live, you have to intentionally seek out people to do things with. Kids tend to befriend whoever’s around then do things together. Adults generally have to go find adults who like the same things as them and then befriend some. Whether it’s a church group, a bicycling club, or a service organization, find a group that does things you’re interested in and get to know some people.
I couldn’t tell. Parents moved my family of 6 from Brooklyn NY to the suburbs when I was about 5. They took us straight from school to the new house. They told me I was kinda upset but forgot everything when I woke up.
My older brother (RIP) was like 13 and they said he was happy to be able to walk out the door and actually be outside instead of in an apartment lobby.
I do remember the city but not going to school there or really sleeping there. I remember having a bob the builder themed birthday party and in hindsight the room was hella constricted.
Meanwhile I can’t wait to get the hell away from small towns lol
Grew up in a small town. Gossip, closed mindedness, paranoia towards outsiders, narrow worldview and a lack of engaging things to do was just the surface of my gripes with it. I’ve never felt more whole and complete than I do now living in a big city.
That being said, where you live in a city makes an impact on how community feels. I briefly lived in Manhattan and it felt isolating and closed off. Same with the West Loop in Chicago. Wealthy transplants aren’t the most social people. Found gloriously fulfilling niches of people once I bounced to Park Slope, Brooklyn. And now when I got from the West Loop in Chi up to the far northside
Absolutely
Best way to move from a city to a small town IS with a bunch of IRL people. Sometimes you can find cool small town peeps, but it’s not very likely. Visiting my hometown after a few years in a city made me realize that most small town people I grew up with are slowly going insane from having nothing to do all day but get drunk and gossip about unimportant shit.
Moved from a city to a smaller town, but because Atlanta is Atlanta, it has a metro that keeps creeping further and further away.
So I enjoyed it a lot more a few years ago when I was living in a small town instead of what is essentially a fucking suburb
**FUCK NO**
In my final years of high school I was moved from Los Angeles, a metro area of millions, to an isolated town of 8,000. It was awful and I got the fuck out the moment I graduated.
And knowing everyone in town is not the benefit you might think it is. You can’t go down to the drug store and buy condoms or medicine without half the town gossiping about it. Seriously, EVERYBODY will constantly be in your business. There is no privacy when everyone in town knows who you are. That’s also what makes small towns really judgemental too. They’ve all got to constantly virtue signal to each other. And if you lean left wing politically, don’t expect to find a lot of friendly opinions in the hinterlands.
Also, be prepared to drive hours to shop. Small isolated towns often only have a paltry selection of the most basic goods. We used to have to drive an hour and a half to get to a larger town to buy school clothes. Maybe that’s not such a big deal anymore, in the age of Amazon and all. Still, it sucks not being able to just “run to the store” to buy something.
One side benefit, when I first got into town I was, “the new guy from LA.” The girls were just flinging themselves at me, but that wore off in a few months. There were some really cool people, it’s not all hillbillies and nosy religious nuts, but still I couldn’t wait to leave. YMMV
Absolutely. I grew up in a town of 16,000. I went to school in a town on 2500 and now live in a town of 2000. I love the friendly neighbors, the quiet streets and the sound of my own thoughts.
Oh and there’s only one traffic light and it’s just a flashing red and flashing yellow.
Absolutely. The sense of community where I live is entirely different than the aliented world I felt I lived in when living in the city. Granted, I liked people not knowing me everywhere I went. But my life is far better outside of the city and I dread going back.
No.
HELL NO.
I’m on the US Mexico border. It’s 900 degrees here and covered in sand.
No, but not for the reasons other people are saying. I used to live in an MSA of 2 million people and moved to one with a little over 100,000. I don’t feel like I have fewer opportunities to be involved or get to know people than I did when I lived before. I just miss my old job and the weather there and the attractions in the area and the diversity. My new place feels notably grayscale in comparison. But again, nothing to do with the people I interact with or have become friends with.
Big time, but I left a metropolis to a town of 30,000. But it is a tourist town so it still has everything you need.
I’ve lived in st Louis Missouri and Denver Colorado, I moved to a small mountain town started working at a ski shop, I get free passes to the resorts and ski areas and discounts on gear and camping gear.
Less crazy traffic but still gets weird when the conditions are right for everyone to go skiing.
I love the small mountain town mentality, everybody seems more relaxed, not necessarily happier, but definitely more relaxed.
Not everyone in mountain towns want to be there though, not everyone wants to ski or hike or camp once a week so it may not be the place for them but I love it
Hell yea.
My rural suburb is perfect for my life at the moment.
I now live in a small rural town and love it. There is a sense of community here, but there’s enough space that you can choose your social interactions, rather than having them thrust at you.
Grew up in suburban Denver and moved west after college with the express purpose of getting out of that rat race.
Still here and very happy! I don’t think I’ll ever go back to a city. I get to live in civilization but the forest is easily accessed on foot and I can bike to anything in town. Mountain activities are a short drive away with no traffic.
I will say that it helps when you live in an area with tourism so you get events and people coming through.
Small towns are very alienating. Moreso, in fact.
Honestly I live in a City and feel completely isolated.
I like the oilfield towns, small but not particularly insular. You know your neighbors but they change. And they work, unemployed small towns are simply depressing
Moving out to the plains was the best thing I ever did for myself and my family. Grew up in the northeast, now live in Montana.
No. I moved here because of cost necessity. I grew up in small-town, USA, and I have no use for it.
I hated it. I moved states as well. Everybody knows everybody already, so you are an outsider. It’s more difficult to find work as you don’t have someone to personally vouch for you. It’s difficult to have a tough time, as now it’s everybody’s office gossip. The traffic isn’t much better, as most small town folk have to commute into more heavily populated areas for work… I also genuinely prefer smaller social circles and being largely ignored by strangers.
I did the opposite. I moved from near the Appalachian mountains to a large city. I go back and visit to hike from time to time but I love where I am. I go back and try to Uber to the bar… that doesn’t exist there.
No, I moved a bit over 1,000 miles away to a small town for work and I feel largely alone. It’s fairly clique here and everyone my age is either married with kids or older/younger than me. There is a larger city 45 minutes away but it’s hard to get motivated to do much there given the 90 minute round trip drive
I moved back and forth. And just moved back to a city with my family. I hated suburban life.
Years ago I met this chick and fell hard, moved with her to some place in Tennessee called Servierville. Hated it. Moved back to Chicago 2 months later once the post nut clarity hit.
I moved to a smaller town and I feel more alienated. It’s way more homogenous here than where I used to live and if you don’t give in to the groupthink then you’ll always be an outsider. In my experience, people are less welcoming in smaller communities.
Grew up in a small town and moved to a slightly bigger town then a mid size metro and finally metro for houston tx.
People in small towns have small town problems. Ie, they get really upset over stuff big cities dont even think about. Ie gossip and small issues between individuals. You can get wrapped up in those ridiculous problems in small towns.
You also end up with small town social life.
Go to the same church, same 2-4 restaurants, one bar, one grocery store…. It gets boring. Especially if you are used to having so much at your finger tips in a metro.
Frankly I found it boring, every time I go back hometown to visit, I am struck how little things change. The big deal last christmas was they got a zaxbys. But if you have issues making friends in a city of a million, youll have more issues in a small
Town. And if politics matter and you lean blue… small towns almost always lean hard red.
I grew up in a very small rural town, but I feel more in community with my current neighbors on my block in a medium sized city. The block feels alive and people have been super welcoming.
In smaller towns people are more suspicious of newcomers and it can take years to break into a group/club since most people have known each other since elementary school. It is a romantic idea to move to a smaller town, but they can be just as – if not more isolating for an outsiders with fewer opportunities.
I’ve done the opposite, so I know I’m not who this question is directed towards.
But, I come from a small town, so I feel I can provide some insight here.
Small towns are usually very insular. They are usually quite clique-y. They are definitely not easy to integrate into, especially if you don’t have younger children and are not involved with the things that come with that. They also tend to be particularly suspicious of people moving in from cities.
This isn’t universal, you can find the occasional small town that isn’t like this, but just be aware that this is usually the case. I moved from one small town to another when I was in my very early 20s and made a bunch of very good friends very quickly. But I was a 22 year old kid who hung out at the bar all the time. The younger you are the more likely you’re able to make friends there. And I’m talking small by southern New England standards – still over 10k people and relatively close to NYC so more open minded in general. My hometown is very much not that.
Maybe look for a medium sized town or a small city? Also, looking at your past posts, it looks like you’re Dutch? If that’s the case, just know that small towns in the US tend to be a lot more conservative and that may not align with your world view and be further isolating.
Yes, I moved to a low cost of living mid-sized city 17 years ago to stabilize my finances. And I found a front-porch community I love. Am retiring soon, financially stable and able to live the life of my dreams.
Ironically it was the opposite. I moved from a suburb in Texas to New Orleans and I’ve made so many friends just walking to local bars and hanging around the social scene. People are super friendly and outgoing here and I love that.
Omg let me tell you. As someone who had grown up their entire lives in the San Francisco Bay Area and has lived the past 10 years in West Tennessee in a small ass town smaller than Rio Vista CA …. Don’t do it! Just don’t. 🤬
I grew up where everybody knew everybody in a small city. Moved to a smaller town, and besides a few of my neighbors kept, we all kept to ourselves. Then I moved to the “big bad city” of Chicago, knew most of my neighbors and their pets, and regulars at the park. Moved again to a small town, where the neighbors might wave hi to each other but that’s about it. So I’m going to say it doesn’t matter so much on the location, as just the people in general.