My husband and I have been going through a lot this week. I figured out he is an alcoholic. He’s been secretly drinking and lying about it. He’s been drinking roughly 6 bottles a wine and 9 beers in 48 hours. We had a talk and I told him that we need to go to marriage counseling and talk to professionals, otherwise I’m leaving and we will get a divorce. He says I’m making up a problem and that since I’m mentally ill I think he has to be… he agreed to marriage counseling and to stop drinking. But 3 days later he starts being very cold to me and ignores my existence. I finally get him to start talking and he’s going through a lot, such as military training, a kidney stone causing him so much pain, and finally me. He doesn’t know whether he wants to be with me anymore because I belittle him and make him feel like he has a problem. But he’s not in the head space to make any decisions… so I guess I’m stuck waiting till he decides… I feel empty and just in a state of pain, confusion, and tired… I don’t know what to do…
3 comments
Stick to your ultimatum. He needs to get into a sobriety program or you leave. If he wants to choose alcoholism over you, that’s his choice. Don’t let him twist it, you’ve set a completely valid boundary. He may not be willing to get sober yet (if at all) but that doesn’t mean you need to stick around waiting for him to get his shit together. Addiction is not an issue that can be overlooked, and it can turn emotionally/physically abusive and affect your financial stability if it continues.
More than marriage counseling, your husband needs to be in treatment for alcohol addiction. That needs to be fixed before he can move forward on anything else, and he’s not going to be able to do it on his own.
Get into Al-Anon for yourself. The group support will be hopefully be helpful to you. r/AlAnon