My (31m) wife (28f) admitted that I’m a bit small for her preferences and I’m devastated

33 comments

1. This is really shitty of her to dump on you. Imagine if you had told her you have a hard time performing because she’s a little chubbier, has smaller tits, and a flatter ass than your ex. Not sure what to do to get over it. I imagine its gut wrenching and going to be a continual psychological block. Dumping her seems wild in this instance, but your sexual relationship is tarnished.

2. Hi, I’m a 23f. My ex told me my vagina was too loose, but he didn’t mind it because “tighter ones hurt.” At first I was hurt and embarrassed of my body. I even wished I could be “tighter” for him. I tried doing vaginal strength exercises and kegels. It really hurt me. I realized that somebody who loves you would never activity try to make you feel terrible about your body. Especially sexually. Looking back, it was probably a him problem. 21, and he can’t even keep it up with the blue chew. That’s besides the point. If I were you, I’d leave. Find someone who really loves you and don’t look back. Sorry man.

3. She knew what size you were when you got married. To make herself your exclusive sexual partner and then complain about your size is cruel. There are women who prefer a man who isn’t very large.

   Also. Just my 2 cents, but your size is great for anal sex, maybe try that out if you haven’t yet.

4. Woman here, it is completely wild to me that she would say anything derogatory about your size. I mean, It’s not like there’s anything you can do about it. What did she hope to accomplish by telling you that? I kinda hope she was just drunk, I say dumb stuff that I don’t really mean sometimes when I’m drinking. Either way, I think you need a professional’s help if you want to work through this with her. Good luck to you.

5. I cannot fathom telling my wife that she is subpar to some previous lover in any way. I spend my life telling my wife how much I love her and how much I appreciate her for who she is. Are there some aspects that could be better? Sure. But I don’t dwell on those things. I dwell on the fact that she brings a lot of great things to this marriage. You’re a person. You have feelings and there isn’t anything you can do about the size of your penis. In my opinion, she should have spent that time telling you all the ways you are awesome!

6. While everyone is berating your wife, I think I should bring it up, that it seems you have dragged all this dirt out of her yourself.

   >However, a few years ago it came out that her ex was quite a bit larger.

   Funny, you haven’t mentioned how it came out.

   The way you formulate your post is that your wife loves you and wasn’t going to make it a big deal, but you have decided to keep digging up this topic.

   Was she supposed to lie when you clearly made an active effort to get to the bottom of her sexual satisfaction? In the first place, sex with you can still feel good for her, due to an emotional aspect of it, that she does love you.

   Maybe I am strange, but I don’t actually think being the single best person at having sex your partner have ever experienced matters. Like, this is what relationship can stand on. Do you really think you are making your life less happy than someone else, she is not with, but is instead with you, and married you?

   Therapy might actually help you. Most therapist are worthless (or so is my experience), but there those can actually help people, so at least try maybe?

7. I get the sense from your other comments that you are both committed to this relationship and that you are not particularly interested in divorce, and I commend you for that. Most of the people on this sub always jump immediately to divorce. Anyway, coming from that baseline, I think you need to start to realize that she doesn’t care as much as you seem to be making out. Imagine if there was something about her that was not as good as something about one of your exes. Would you really care all that much? Or would you be like, “eh, nobody’s perfect, but she’s perfect for me.” I suspect that’s what it is for her and that’s probably why she even said anything. She probably thought, this is not a big deal to me; and I like to be fully open and honest with the man I love, so put it came. I totally understand your feelings as well and it’s certainly hard to internalize this, but I’ll bet you anything the amount that this bothers her is zilch and the amount of pleasure she gets from sex is not just about the orgasm or how quickly she orgasms or whatever. There are undoubtedly a million things higher on her list of traits that are important to her about you than this issue. If you’re considering divorcing her, good luck finding someone who loves every single thing about you. They might like small penises better but you can bet your life there will be something else they’ll like more about their exes than you – they might not tell you, but they’ll certainly think it. That’s reality. That’s life.

   Just ask her. Ask her how important this issue is for her. Hell, ask her how important orgasming at all is for her. My wife could care less one way or the other if she orgasms when we have sex. She just wants to have sex with me whether she cums or not. I naturally want to make her cum, and like to make her cum, and again I get your feelings, I totally do, but I think sometimes we guys place way more import on these things than girls do and we put our feelings onto them. Although to be honest, if my ex gave me better orgasms than my wife, I wouldn’t give a shit. It wouldn’t even register as any kind of issue for me.

8. its out of this world to me that the things discusses here actually happen… why the fuck would anyone say this to their husband unless its the start of some sort of exit plan – this leads into other types of fights/disagreements, and eventually resentment? The fact that I actually am in love with my girlfriend makes me happier than Ive ever been before in the bedroom, regardless of what or who I did in the past, and what differences there are between them. This is beyond cruel. Good luck buddy, but I think this might be the beginning of the end.

9. Then why did she marry you?

10. This is average size no? This isn’t small, you’re good

11. “Limped past it”

    A+ creative writing

12. I’d never be able to get over that. But marriage means more than that. I’d be honest with how it made me feel to her. Then try to find a solution together. You’re partners. If she doesn’t build you up, tell her. Everything if fixable. Vocalize what YOU need. Explain it to her if you don’t know what you need. Figure it out together, mate. So many people don’t see their marriage as an absolute unit and that’s what it really should be. You should always be able to count on her. But I’ve never been married and every relationship I’ve found my morals are a lot more open and honest than most 29 year olds.

13. Limped past it? Lmao

14. Yeah I don’t think you’re small. You are average but you’re not small. Believe me I went out with a guy that was small, about three inches. But I still enjoyed having sex with him because he knew what to do with it. I don’t know maybe you can learn some different techniques and obviously use some toys which you say you’re doing. Toys should be a accent to what you do. If that’s what she’s enjoying do a little more but still use your own self and see if you can change things up a bit here and there. I notice things change though I mean sometimes the girth shrinks unless it’s just me getting wider, I don’t know which it is but sometimes my husband feels smaller and he’s my biggest partner but I’d rather have somebody smaller than bigger any day.

15. I have advice! Dont let her get too too wet, that can make things feel smaller. Have her not pee before sex, having a full bladder can make you feel bigger. Learn to use your hands and fingers really well. Press down on her stomach where her G spot is so there is more pressure on it when youre inside with hands or penis. Also, like, things change. Even if she hadnt have had a previous lover with a larger dick she might have had a medical issue or given birth and had her sensitivity change, you could have suffered from ED… Lots of problems could arise that wouldnt be your fault (just like this isn’t), so you should try to take this in stride, the way you would any other cause.

16. that es brutal man

17. Your wife sounds like a size queen. Doesn’t matter what you do, you will never be able to appease her. What makes her a royal Biatch is that she couldn’t even try to lie to save your feelings like other loving couples do. My wife ever asks me how she looks. It doesn’t matter if she just woke up and her boobs are hanging at odd angles. She is gonna hear how beautiful she is. That’s how love and care work.

18. Yikes. I can’t imagine the discomfort you must be feeling.
    The lucky thing is that women don’t orgasm from just one spot. Have you tried using the clitoris more? Your size isn’t the only thing that helps during sex. How you use your penis is super important, as well as how you use your mouth, your hands, toys, etc. I also think a penis extender isn’t a terrible idea if you’re not opposed to it.

19. There’s only a handful of times where it’s appropriate to lie to your partner. This is one of them. Sorry, OP.

20. I think she was extremely mean to you. It helps no one to be that honest about something like this, so sensitive and can never be changed. As spouses it is our job to build each other up not bring down.

21. “You are wonderful and I love being with you. My ex-girlfriend had a much tighter and just better feeling pussy that you do. Sometimes I long for those days and ESPECIALLY nights with her. But you are okay too in your own way!”

22. Bro, its over. Theres no way to recover from this. She crossed the Rubicon. You’ll literally never be able to get over it.

23. I don’t understand why people wait till after marriage to say stuff like this.

24. Honey, I’ve (60/f) experienced all kinds of shapes and sizes. They’ve been their own experiences. I’ve NEVER compared ANY of my past lovers with another, let alone my husband of 40 years and HE’S never asked.

    BUT in my personal experience, I’ve found that those lovers who were “normal-sized” were more thoughtful lovers who were more interested in MY satisfaction than their own.

    It sounds like your wife has RUINED your sexual confidence, I can’t decide whether it was maliciously and intentionally done or if she was just stupidly insensitive. You’ve only been married for THREE years. Do you REALLY want to stay in such and unfulfilling relationship for the rest of your life? Also, those penile “enlargers” can cause structural damage so PLEASE see a doctor to get further advice and information.

    Otherwise, there are PLENTY of women who WON’T idiotically compare you to a former lover, especially about something YOU have NO control over what nature gave you. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR SIZE, but there’s DEFINITELY something wrong with your WIFE!!!

25. Damn dude I’m sorry 5 inches really isn’t that bad, she should of never said that to you

26. What does she want, a horse ??

27. Yeah maybe she meant well but there’s no good reason to tell you that shit. One of those things where if you think for 5 seconds before you speak you will notice that no one at all is going to benefit from it.

28. Wait so if I’m correct she let it slip while intoxicated while y’all were younger that one of her exes was larger. And then you instead of directly telling her immediately that it made you feel insecure you ignored it and now years later you’re too stuck in your head about it? Hold up lol she is married to you. She knows and knew what you were packing before making that commitment. She says she enjoys and loves sex with you. You need to talk to a therapist and stop holding on to what she accidentally mentioned.

29. You know.. honesty is almost always the best policy. Almost. I’m this case it wasn’t. Unless she’s clueless about men she would’ve known that would be a devastating thing for your ego and relationship. She shouldn’t have told you this. As for the veracity of her claim, twice your size is likely a stretch of the truth. You can look up percentiles and if you’re average 5.75” then he’s a tripod type guy in the 99+%. Telling someone that the only way she’d be happy is to have something you cannot possibly change about yourself is shitty.

30. Dude you need a hobby. When I was younger (I’m 26 now) I used to think about stuff like this, but life is so much more than sex. Find a new hobby, immerse yourself in it and remember life ain’t about your dick.

    And also if you can’t get past this then find a new partner and try not to dwell in penis fetish. And while you’re at it, if you watch porn then stop it, seeing bigger penises won’t help your cause.

31. Woman here. I’ve had lots of amazing sex and some terrible sex. The most amazing was with guys your size, the worst was with guys with 10 inch dicks and the girth of a fat baby’s leg. She’s anatomically strange if she prefers that. Maybe she needs to do some kegels or even use a natural vaginally tightening stick. Shit sounds weird bro. Tell her to do some pelvic floor exercises. There’s nothing wrong with you.

32. I once dated a guy with a smaller penis than I was used to. But I did not mind at all because he was VERY good with his mouth and hands. Penetrative sex still felt good and I enjoyed it immensely and wanted it often. But his foreplay skills definitely didn’t leave me wanting.

33. Bit of a dick move from your wife if you’ll excuse the pun.

    Work on your head game, P in V is part of the buffet, not the main course.