I (17F) have been dating my (18M) boyfriend for about 3 months. We are both seniors in high school and are going to different colleges across the country from each other this fall. Before we started dating we established that we would be breaking up at the end of summer once college starts. We decided to just make the most out of the next few months with the mutual agreement that this relationship would be short term.
I like him a lot and really enjoy spending time with him. Problem is, the looming cloud of the inevitable break up in a few months is really bothering both of us. I am hesitant to open up too much to him or get too attached because I feel that it will just make things worse when we do go out separate ways. I can sense that he is feeling the same way.
Any advice on how to deal with these feelings and fully commit to the relationship?
tl;dr: Boyfriend and I are planning to break up for college, I’m not sure how to deal with it.
3 comments
Your feelings are rational and sensible. Why should you fully commit to a short-term relationship?
Be pragmatic. If you can’t handle keeping things light with the looming end date, then better to cut your losses early. Your goal for the next few months should be to do what will make those months happiest for both of you. If that means being basically FWB until you leave, do that. If that means being boyfriend and girlfriend, going on dates, sharing personal feelings, etc.? Do that. If it’s too emotional and you keep getting sad at the upcoming breakup? Breakup early to start getting over things sooner.
FWIW, I had a similar situation at the end of university; me and girl got together in January with a graduation date in May. It was wistful and a little bittersweet to say goodbye, but we had plenty of good times and enjoyed the time we had together. The key was that we both acknowledged that things would end, and decided to enjoy the months until then. If we weren’t on the same page about that, it could have been a lot worse. Thankfully we were both honest and – while it was still sad to say goodbye – it worked out well overall.
Just admit that at most you would be FWB’s and just enjoy each others company. If you are not having sex then just be actual friends with each other. Hell you guys could end up being one of those people that stay friends the rest of your lives just because you didn’t force yourselves into some idea of what a relationship has to be.