How did you stop being scared of commitment, those who were?

8 comments

1. ..it has nothing to do with being afraid of commitment, it’s just that we are not interested in commitment to begin with?

   I wouldn’t mind dating you if you were interested in an open relationship(going both ways) but considering how indoctrinated from birth women are to seek out monogamous relationships, I don’t see that happening, so why would I waste my time with you considering what we both want is different?

2. Over 50% of marriages fail. Most divorces will result in the guy paying additional money to the woman after the divorce. Why would we willingly sign up for that, other than tradition. I know plenty of guys that want a divorce but fear for their financial well being afterwards.

3. I learned to be honest about what I need and want. Then I found cultures where women are more fitting.

4. I was afraid of commitment for much of my life without even realizing it. Mostly it emerged from a place of not knowing what I wanted.

   Few men these days approach dating with a plan to get married. In their defense, most women get scared off if a man comes off too serious too fast, and we’re more lonely than anything. Men learn quickly not to ask for more than women are willing to give them.

   This goes for both genders too, fwiw. Women are just as capable of being afraid of commitment for the same reasons.

   After dating for 15 years, I realized I had internalized the idea that I shouldn’t look for commitment out of fear of scaring off what relationships I did have. That meant my serious relationships fell apart around the three or four year mark. It finally took a lot of determination and patience from my now wife for me to realize I was self sabotaging. I was able to commit when I finally felt safe enough to think about, ask for, and receive what I wanted from my partner.

5. I think there’s an important distinction between a committed relationship and a legal marriage. I think many people get married as kind of a start to their commitment. I would recommend (after much unfortunate life experience) committing to the relationship and the person for quite some time before any legal entanglements. But If it’s the right person and the right fit, committing is easy.

6. I had to simply accept that pain is part of life. It’s unavoidable. Breakups are painful, shallow relationships bread from the inability to trust and commit are painful, loneliness is painful. You can’t avoid it. Only accept it as a part of life. But just like everything else in life, it’s temporary.

   I also had to learn to trust myself. I had to sit down and look at my past and all the pain I’d been through and realize that I made it through. And I’m stronger, wiser, and smarter because of it. If I get hurt and feel pain again, I trust myself enough to know that I’ll be okay, and that I’ll even be stronger from it.

   Pain is a part of life. Running from it only causes more pain than you probably would have had to deal with in the first place.

7. What makes you assume this particular guy is “scared” of commitment?

   Maybe he’s not scared he just prefers a lifestyle that doesn’t involve commitment.

8. Meeting the right person. If you are not prepared to go get married this afternoon, she may not be the one.