So I (26) and my girlfriend (24) have been dating for 1,5 years. Like all relationships its had its ups and downs but i would say its generally been healthy.
It started off pretty shaky since we were non exclusive fwb and i slept with one of her distant friends. I had no idea they were friends as im not Joe from “You” researching in detail every person i sleep with. She had a breakdown when she found out and we had a huge fight (At this point we were still fwb with no obligations to each other).
After the fight we didnt talk for a couple of days, but she hit me up apologizing for the whole thing. I saw the fact that she was able to assess the whole situation and come to the conclusion to apologize as a grown and progressive trait. A trait i’ve yet to see from any other girl ive been intimate with. She asked me if i wanted to be exclusive and i agreed because of her personality and this trait.
1,5 years later we are still dating. We’ve talked about moving in togheter and other future plans hence i thought we were doing great.
She currently lives with two roommates while i got my own studio apartment.
The other day we were in bed at her place. She was about to fall asleep as she asked me to fill her waterbottle for her. I said sure and went to the kitchen to do so.
In the kitchen one of her roommates was cooking herself a midnight snack, with a minimal amount of clothes on. Its their apartment so she has more right to do so than me even being there, so i thought nothing on it and went for the sink. While i was filling the bottle, she came up behind me and squeezed my ass. I jumped up, dropping the bottle and accidentally decked her with my elbow, followed by me instantly apologizing. She said i could apologize properly by helping her fall asleep with an orgasm. I was flabbergasted and after collecting myself for 10-20 second i said there is no way thats happening. Before i got to say anything else she grabbed my junk and said she will never know (Refering to my girlfriend). I pushed her away and said im not that type of guy. She kept trying to convince me until i retreated back to my girlfriends bedroom without saying another word to her roommate.
When i opened the bedroom door my girlfriend was standing with her ear to the door listening. She immediately hugged me and said I passed her test and now we can finally move in togheter.
Again i was flabbergasted taking twice the time to collect myself. When i collected myself again i was pissed. I felt her test was a huge violation of trust. Even though i passed the test and she was gleeful and happy i was devastated.
I immediately went to get my phone and car keys and went for the door. My girlfriend followed me all the way to my car asking me what was wrong and why was i leaving. I didnt say a word until i was in the car. I told her that was fucked up and that we’re done before driving home.
She’s been calling me non stop, hundreds of texts, emails and dm’s on every playform. She even started sending me money to give me messages and contacting friends and family members.
Should i take her back even after this childish test?
40 comments
Dude that is more red flags than a soviet may day parade. Don’t take her back. Shit tests like that are deeply immature and indicate that she doesn’t trust you. Tell her it’s completely inappropriate and manipulative and you’re not interested in her anymore.
So she “tested” you by having her roommate touch you without consent? That’s fucked up.
I’ve had my trust issues but NEVER went as far as having someone touch another person to “prove themselves”. That’s just fucking weird.
I definitely wouldn’t take her back after that
Not only is she ridiculously immature, she basically set you up to be groped without your consent.
Dump her.
The kind of thing that makes me go “hmmm”
Your girlfriend didn’t “test” you, she asked her friend to sexually assault you.
If this happened the other way around you would be in jail right now.
That’s awful! She had her friend sexually assault you so you could “prove” your loyalty?
Nope. You were right to walk away, and keep on going. Block her on everything.
No matter what you choose to do, I just hope she learns something from this at least and grows
I personally wouldn’t have time for stupid games like this, and wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who didn’t trust me and was so insecure.
How do you feel about it?
Please, please, PLEASE stick to your guns. This was HORRIBLE and inexcusable.
You told her you two are done? Keep it that way.
Good luck, brother.
So she had her roommate sexually assault you. Get out and block on everything, go no contact and expect shit to hit the fan.
She didn’t test you, she set you up to be sexually assaulted.
Healthy, committed adults do not set up “tests” for their partners to pass or fail.
If you continue this relationship she will continue to find reasons to need to test you again.
I would forgive someone cheating on me before I forgave this. It is trouble.
She literally had you sexually assaulted, don’t talk to her ever again
She aided a sexual assault. Run do not walk away. Warn every male you k so about the both of them.
Nope, she set up her roommate to sexually assault you and it was because of her being insecure. Block her number!
She asked someone to sexually assault you and see how you respond, That’s crazy. That went way beyond hey roomie please flirt with my boyfriend type test.
If roles were reversed and u had one of your boys feel her up against her will shed be just as pissed…id seriously second guess a future w her… shes playing games like this and its toxic.
Don’t just run, grow wings and turn into an airplane and fly. Fly like the wind. Your girlfriend will soon baby trap you but it won’t even be your baby because she’s probably screwed 5 dudes on the side.
Only cheaters do this kind of thing.
I wouldn’t even tell her you’re breaking up. Just ghost her. She’s crazy. Who knows what she’ll do if you break up in person.
Absolutely not. She had her roommate sexually assault you in order to pass some sort of test. This is abusive and toxic.
Fuck no, run the fuck away. You seem like a really good dude and trust me there are girls out there with the same mindset as you. Keep being yourself and doing the right thing. Take some time as there will be some grief from the loss and if you get back together down the line she will have to have grown. But I would probably take some time to myself and just try to move on. Also don’t move in with anyone you’re not married to. There is no point.
Your gf possibly only wanted her to offer and her friend took it too far by adding the junk grab. Messed up either way. One or both of them think men getting sexually assaulted doesn’t exist.
Fuck Mind games. There are millions of girls out there who don’t play mind games. Ignore and move on.
She asked her roommate to assault you. That is what happened. Absolutely do not take her back
Aside from you not dating people who play head games, she arranged to have you sexually assaulted. Maybe the roommate needs to have charges filed, to get the two of them to understand the severity of what they did.
A test where her roommate sexually assaults you? Fuck that.
Leave her. She needs to understand how horrible a thing that was, especially to someone you love.
As others have said, flip the sexes, test her by having your housemate grab her tits, pussy and tell her to fuck him to sleep and NOBODY would think that’s a “test” as much as it is sexual assault, and intimidation.
See if she understands how messed up that is, and hope she has some decency to properly apologise.
Outside of that, where she begs for forgiveness, apologises profusely, no, I would break up with her. That’s horrible.
She’s 25 years old, still has the high school, drama-ass mindset to think that a ‘relationship test’ is normal, **and this particular test involved sexual assault**
You did the right thing by leaving. The next step in the right path is to stay gone.
I’m trying to think through how I’d feel if a boyfriend had had his roommate do this to me, and I’m disgusted. I’d feel disrespected and violated and, frankly, insulted. I think your gut reaction was spot on.
She tested you by organising having someone sexually harrass and assult you. Report her to the fucking police.
I would move on. This is wrong on so many levels. I’ve been with my husband 23 years and not once did it ever cross my mind to do something like this.
Well….keep taking her money for sure.
The rest proves she is a two year old so I’d bolt.
I’m not even convinced this really happened. I don’t think she would have grabbed you. I’ve heard of people doing “the test” via messages or texts but never in-person and never to the level of sexual assault…. If this did happen, yes, drop her.
1. Partner tests are so gross and toxic. That’s an automatic breakup imo.
2. If she doesn’t understand *why*, ask her how she would like it if you arranged a man to corner her in a kitchen, grab her crotch, and imply that he would only forgive her for bumping into him if she gave him head. She would have been screaming for help…because OP, she **arranged for you to get sexually assaulted.**
LITERALLY what her friend/roommate did is legally sexual assault. And your *girlfriend* arranged for it.
You are **well** within your rights to dump her for arranging for you to be molested. DO NOT take her back.
First of all, she “tested” you by having her friend sexually assault you and harass you. That’s super fucked up and I’m pissed for you.
Second, people who feel the need to “test” their partners are immature and need to leave the high school bullshit drama behind.
This is not a person I would want to continue a relationship with.
She arranged to have you sexually assaulted…. does she realise the seriousness of her actions? Anyway, she failed a legal and life test, don’t take her back.
Update:
First of all i want to thank every single commenter for your support. At the time i didnt even realize i was sexually assaulted, but you’ve opened my eyes.
Some of you opened my eyes to the fact that this isnt the first time she’s “tested” me. She’s said she was pregnant a couple of months ago. I straight up panicked, saw my life flash before my eyes and kept telling her we’re not ready. I knew its 100% her choice, so i knew i could only try to convince her a child born later would have much better life than one born then. I kept panicky rambling for what felt like forever before she said “its a prank” that she saw this “funny” tiktoker do the same. That time i was only relieved it was a prank and went about my day.
So I sent my now Ex girlfriend a text. Saying what they did was horrible. How her actions are not only break up worthy, but also grounds for reporting to the police. I will not report it to the police, but she had to know the seriousness of the situation.
I asked her if she planned to groping with her roommate, and she said no. Not sure if i believe her, considering her roommate has a boyfriend and even if this was some “test” im pretty sure its still cheating to grope other mens junk. Another reason is her tiktok fyp. Its filled with these toxic “he’s definitely cheating and here’s why” videos. While we were dating i kept telling her guys dont cheat because some insignificant things like that they work out or watch anime, but i guess she didn’t believe me.
I told her that this test felt has bad as being cheated on, but that otherwise she was a great girlfriend, and avoid testing people in her next relationship. I blocked her everywhere, but she keeps sending me money with a message since i cant block her there. I mean i’ll take her money, but i wont answer her or take her back.
I also told the roommates boyfriend about the whole test, and he didn’t seem happy at all. I dont know him that well, but I know he has some self esteem and social issues so im considering befriending him instead since he might not have anyone to talk about this serious thing with.
I agree, life’s too short for mind games. Unless they involve Mario Kart, then game on.
Uhhh your gf told her roommate to test you to see if you would go fuck her… then the roommate assaulted you by grabbing your dick and ass out of nowhere. Not people I would want in my life
She set you up to be sexualy assaulted as a test. You could press charges on both of them.
Never speak to her again. Unless it’s in court.
Man. You were sexually assaulted in a set up your gf did. If the roles were reversed.. YIKES.
Um. Your girlfriend got her roommate to sexually assault you as part of a “test”. And she doesn’t see what’s wrong with that.
Run.