Hello. I’ve been dating this boy for 2 months now. I’m his first relationship and he’s my third. I sometimes had mental blocks without any reason with my exes, they smothered me without any apparent reason, so our relationships ended. He treats me really well. He’s the first guy to offer me flowers, take me to dinner, tell me he loves me, texts me all the time, wants to see me everyday… I’ve never had a relationship so intense.
Now the problem is he lacks emotional maturity. I mean, he talks about his feelings, and tells me how he feels. But sometimes he picks silly fights over petty things. He’s really scared i’m gonna leave, and he seems to move really fast. At first I thought he was love bombing me, but I saw how he tries to spend time with my family, and does efforts to change for me, so I really think he’s sincere.
He has a lot of problems going on in his life, and it seems like he doesn’t know how to control his emotions.
He wants to see me really often, and since I said to him I was scared he was going to smother me like my exes, he is really scared. It seems like now he gets upset really easily. Last time I got blackout drunk at a party with my friends and my friend told him I was “enjoying”. We had an argument the next day.
And since 2 weeks, while he’s moving cities with me, we got into 2 big arguments, because of his fear and a bit because of my jealousy “he has a lot of female friends”.
He apologized and really seems to put in effort to try and get better, but all these arguments stress me.
I saw somewhere that sometimes, young relationships are stressful in the beginning, because both people are learning about each other. But people also tell me that it’s a red flag to argue 2 months in.
Our arguments are over petty matters and are often due to his immaturity, which he recognizes and really tries to fix. I see him trying very hard to get better. It’s always over text also, because we communicate so much better in person.
Should I worry ? We never say nasty things to each other and always are respectful, it just seems like kid’s arguments and everyone wants to be right.
Could this be due to our immaturity ? Can this get better over time or is this relationship doomed ?
He tries to ask me how he can be better to make me feel good, and tries to give me space but I don’t know. He treats me so week and makes me feel so loved but the arguments hurt me, and I don’t want it to be like that for years. It just seems like he changes and manages his emotions better.
TL;DR : Are arguments early on a big red flag ?
2 comments
Never date potential. If you are having this much trouble this early on, do not stay in the hopes that things will change. Accept the reality of the situation and move on.
You’re both young and have a lot of maturing to do, relationship wise. Maybe you should try to be less serious, saying “I love you” after 2 months at 18 is a bit much IMO. If he’s not up for that, then he probably needs to spend some time alone to work on his emotional issues.