Hi everyone,
Before I got into the relationship with my now ex, she had just broken up with her then-boyfriend. We met on Tinder and everything went super well and we eventually dated. Before getting into the relationship I asked her if she has closed the door with her ex which she adamantly said yes to. For info, she was still texting her ex right up to the point where we got together.
Fast forward couple months later, we did argue about some things and I found out her ex was still trying to get in touch with her. I found out about this, gave him a call and put a stop to it. Since then, at times when we argue I would catch her contacting her ex. Her reason would always be that she wants to ‘help’ him close his door as he was suicidal after their break-up and is always ‘waiting’ for her to come back. There was even a time where she mentioned she contacted him out of spite when we argued. I’ve always given her the benefit of the doubt thinking that she really was trying to shake her ex away, how stupid of me.
Long story short, caught her contacting her ex over 3 times during our relationship, but what happened this week really broke me. I found out that when we were going through a rough patch and she was back in her home town, that she was calling and texting her ex and even wanted to meet up. I finally broke things off with her after knowing that. What’s worst is I found out Sept last year that she actually met up with him and they kissed.
I’ve never felt such betrayal in my life and I currently feel so empty, especially after living with someone for 2 years. No one to look forward to after work, no more texts on my phone and no one to share my day-to-day with is really hitting hard.
I have the support of my friends and family (whom I’m not sharing much as I don’t interact much emotionally with them). Have worked out, gone to the park to take walks etc. but I really can’t shake of the thought of my ex and her ex kissing and getting intimate. I’ve even had nightmares where these negative thoughts popped up and I’ve been feeling very restless since.
I’m not sure how I will ever get over being a rebound, knowing that I had always been an option and that she ran to her ex whenever we faced the downs of our relationship. They were planning on meeting up tomorrow and possibly getting back together. Knowing all this is hurting me really bad right now.
TLDR; Ex used me as a rebound, keeping her ex around as an option and letting him into her life whenever our relationship faced tough times, finding out that they kissed while we were together, experiencing betrayal and am very depressed right now. Need advice.
5 comments
Yeah that really blows. Time definitely helps and distracting you. But honestly any time someone is running to their ex to complain about their current relationship, that is almost always bad news. If your partner realizes it’s upsetting you and communicates and apologizes that’s one thing. But if it’s literally after every fight then that’s a sign they’re not moved on.
> I finally broke things off with her after knowing that.
Aye, good for you. Seriously, good for you. This shit hurts. Being cheated on hurts, even if it’s just emotional cheating. I’ve been cheated on (not just emotionally, but physically) and I relate to that feeling of betrayal. All I can tell you is that time is what heals it, and keeping a healthy mentality.
This was not your fault. Nothing you did resulted in this. This was her. You’re not stupid for liking her, you’re not a fool, she was just deceptive. That’s her problem, not yours. LUCKILY you saw the writing on the wall and cut it off. Good for you. You should feel like a badass for that. **You dodged a bullet.**
I know it might not feel like that now, but in a few weeks or a few months you’ll understand what I mean.
In terms of a little actionable advice I’ll say this: block her on every social media platform you have her on, delete her number, delete every picture you have of the two of you, and spend AS MUCH time with your friends and other people as you can. **Do not talk about her. She means nothing. You will move on and you** **will find a better human to be with.** She is not a good person. She will only haunt your dreams as long as you let her.
You are still so young and you Just learnt à valuable lesqon for the future. Now you can easily detect red flags from the very beginning.
As for how you will get over this, with time simply. Give yourself time to grieve, focus on yourself, your hobbies, your social circles, join new social activities if you want. Most importantly, do not think about the happy memories , think about what à coward and cruel person she has always been and that you deserve better. You will get over it, I promise. You are still young, you will find sb worthy of your time and respect.
Yo bro I’m so sorry you had to go through that but all I can say is it may hurt now and it may keep hurting for a long time but just know this wasn’t your fault nor is she your issue anymore best way to get even with her is to better yourself and show her your better without her.
Sorry brother but u did the right thing nd after breaking i was feeling the same but time heals everything and i met love of my life after 1 year of my break up so don’t worry there are so many people in this world you would surely find someone who will love you no matter what. 🤗