So the context since its a little bit of a strange one. For the last 6 years i was dating my ex , first two years we were in the same city and had similar interests , after college we both moved far ish away from one another and gave long distance a go , covid happened and we began to grow a little bit apart with things in common shrinking . Despite this the last few months we moved in together and well it didn’t go to plan really. I broke it off with her after a lot of thought into it . We were more less living separate lives before moving in together . The year prior to me ending it , I’ve worked on everything on myself , I did therapy to sort past issues ( unrelated to the relationship) , started the gym and have lost 21 kg to date . I unfortunately didnt make friends when i moved and social circles are limited to work and old friends at the moment .
My question is what do i do now? I am currently just doing my own thing , hobbies , cinema , gym and work and maintaining my current socials . I have downloaded the apps but haven’t started dating yet since Im trying to give myself time . But everywhere i read its like wait till you’re comfortable on your own, and work on yourself . I feel like I’ve been doing that and it doesn’t bother me the thought of “dying alone “ as dramatic as the worst case is . I feel like i should have been more bent out of shape with breaking up but i wasn’t .
So my question id any guidelines to follow as a single guy ? I never went through a ho phase , or the college messiness. Any way of building socials . Any help would be great . My current plan is just do what im doing anyways just with one less tag along.
7 comments
Relax, you will not die alone. Keep living your life. Focus on you for a while, improve your personal situation, get your head right, keep going to the gym. Focus on your career. What you are looking for will fall into your lap, you don’t have to chase it.
Learn to be confortable with you own, later could start dating
After amicably breaking off an engagement at 25, I took two years away from dating. No casual dates, no hookups, a relationship or dating wasn’t even a thing that crossed my mind.
For me, on top of focusing solely on myself, it was a time of freedom where I didn’t have to focus so much effort on building and maintaining a relationship and not having that burden really for the first time since my teens was a positive chance in my life that I really embraced.
I think it made me a much better person, allowed me to refocus myself, work on my personal and professional growth and I think I came out the other side more self-aware and certainly a much better partner now.
When I started looking again, it also allowed me to be much more definitive and picky in what I wanted from a partner as well. I wasn’t dating just to date and seeing who stuck, but I could pick and choose and I’d date with intention and be patient on finding what I want.
When I started dating my now very soon to be fiance almost 2 years ago it was the first time I had even casually met a girl and I specifically asked some of my friends who knew her to set me up becsuse I knew she was exactly what I wanted and having that opportunity is a great feeling.
Only downsides:
If you’re friends are like my friends, they will be absolutely vehement on setting you up with people 24/7 and it can get frustrating and exhausting having to continually say, no thanks, not interested. Obviously they have your best interest at heart and people love to play matchmaker, but for those in relationships, it’s hard to explain to them you literally don’t *want* to date.
Worked in my favor though, the day I saw my gf for the first time from afar and found out about her and said “Yup. That one. I want that one.” They were hellbent on setting us up and she was a hard one to crack because she was in literally the exact same scenario as me and I would’ve never had that opportunity to meet her otherwise.
Second, after having a companion for so long missing that plus one and feeling loved, despite being able to enjoy life on your own, it’s a feeling you still miss a little. Having that back now is amazing, but I’m still thankful I had those years on my own and made having that again even better.
Best of luck on enjoying life!
You are still young enough that going to the clubs isn’t creepy. Dance like your heart depends on it
Learn to be alone; it’s an important skill
Best advice take some time for yourself it helps figure out what direction to move in fo the future
I agree with others. Learn to be by yourself and alone and enjoy it. You’re still young! I was 35 when I met my boyfriend who’s the same age as you. I was also single for five years and happy, wasn’t expecting to meet anyone, but it happened.