Last week there were three days when dealers all over the world came to our company to be kept up to date to the latest developments, problems and pricing of the machines we build. Amongst the visitors was the CEO of the holding we’re part of. I briefly spoke to the person and I opened our conversation with “good morning, sir” and closed with “thank you, sir” or something like that.
​
That made me realise I never thought of when you should use “sir” in a conversation with someone of higher rank or a higher social status. Question is, when in a conversation do you normally use “sir” or “ma’am”? Did I do it right?
39 comments
Not in a deferential like that way, no.
I’ll use it with strangers as just a politeness thing. Like… “ma’am did you drop this?” Or whatever.
>Did I do it right?
Yes
Not unless they’ve been knighted
Personally, I’ll use “sir” and “ma’am” out of basic respect, especially if I’m in a professional or formal setting and don’t know the person. So-called “rank” often has little to do with it. Stranger that I bumped into at the airport? “Oh, sorry, sir.”
Yes, you did it right, no worries.
>I never thought of when you should use “sir” in a conversation with someone of higher rank or a higher social status
That’s not really how it works, unless you’re in the military or something. The only people you should refer to as “sir” in a deferential sense are Patrick Stewart and Jesus.
I just do it to show respect, usually to a stranger because it’s a formal thing. Informal-ness is the norm among people who know each other. In a business meeting, it’s good manners to use those formal words
We don’t really do the whole social status thing over here. It’d be perfectly acceptable for a citizen meeting the president of the US to call him by his first name. It’s also perfectly acceptable to call him sir or Mr. [Last name] /Mr. President
Higher rank in the military gets a sir or madam but only for those in the military
I will call my friends sir casually but that’s more just goofing off. Same kind of goes with my colleagues on Teams calls.
I generally only address people as sir or ma’am if I don’t know their name. Rank and status make no difference; I don’t regard people as superiors or inferiors. If it’s someone I have met, I would just use their name. “Good morning, Susan” or “thank you, Susan”. But sir or ma’am isn’t incorrect. It just sounds rather obsequious to me.
I basically only use them when being stopped by police. And, honestly, even then, it’s mainly just when I want to fuck with them (like calling a man 20 years my junior “sir”).
I hear them used quite often, and I usually don’t mind peiple calling me “sir,” but just can’t do it myself. They’re just not a part of my particular baseline dialect. Or my perception of social hierarchies.
I think their use really depends on the region and community that you’re in. Where I’m originally from, it can sound a little weird to use them on non-elderly people. In other areas, they’re far more commonplace in situations where you don’t know someone’s name.
Our CEO is uniformly referred to by his first name and if I was asking him a question, I would just use his name or simply say “Hello”. We’re a reasonably large company.
I have trouble imagining who I’d call “sir” if I met them. Probably the King and maybe one of the Princes Royal. Also I’d call the Princess Royal “ma’am”, mainly because I greatly respect her.
But thinking about this, I mostly use “sir” or “madam” in a commanding and not entirely deferential way. “Excuse me, sir, we need to get past here!” “Madam! You’ve dropped your purse”.
It’s far different in the USA, especially mid-west and south, than the UK. Everyone’s a lot more publically deferential to each other there.
I don’t.
All of your replies indicate that using the address “sir” or “ma’am” in the USA, or to an American person in my case, are not as common as I imagined. I’m a software engineer and it’s hard for me to imagine to greet our CEO with his first name. However, I call our regional director with his first name because he’s much more approachable. Though the latter depends on whether or not he’s in a formal environment eg. being in the company of dealers or representatives.
I use the terms very casually in conversation, if at all. I don’t attach a sense of respect to their usage. To me, the concepts of “your boss is superior to you” or “you should respect someone because they’re older than you” or “show respect because they are a police officer, veteran, etc” are very outdated.
Yes, m’lady. *fedora hat tip*
I’ve worked in customer service on and off since 2000, so I know how to be polite.
I just hope that for once someone will call me “sir” without adding “you’re making a scene”
Relatively common in the service industry.
I’m a Southern woman, and I sir-and-ma’am a *lot.*
Basically, anybody who’s getting a “Thank you,” is likely also getting an honorific.
Nothing to do with deference, status, or age – if anything, it’s an equalizer. CEO, President, store clerk, 6-year-old boy, 82-year-old grandma – they’re all being addressed the same way.
Depends where you are.
In the Northeast it would be a no for sure.
When we’re doing customer service, yes. My customers are “sir” and “ma’am.” (Especially older men. Always “sir.”) So are the people serving me, especially if they go out of their way for me. You’re helping me? I will be very polite to you, sir! Thanks for your help, ma’am!
Otherwise, no. My boss goes by her first name, the big boss is Dr. [Guy], and I keep it casual with everything else.
Pretty much whenever I encounter a stranger. I’m a Southerner after all.
I just say good morning or thank you, I never added any titles to that.
Are people offended I don’t add titles? I don’t know.
I think mostly to a higher authority unless they have a title that should be used, in business type interactions or respectfully to a stranger. At my former job if I was speaking to a customer then I would say sir or ma’am.
Depending on their gender would determine that for sure
I prefer to be addressed as “Your Highness”
I’m in california and i rarely say that and I really only hear service workers like servers and retail clerk say it.
Me personally, never. It’s not ever been an issue for me and I hate saying it because it sounds forced and awkward. If I need to get someone’s attention I don’t know, I just say “excuse me” with no sir or ma’am added.
Whenever I’m addressing them specifically.
I never use sir or madam unless I’m speaking with a General.
I’m 68. I address people I don’t know who are about my age and older as sir/maam. Old habits
It’s really uncommon where I live. I got (kind of jokingly) offended when some kid called me ma’am when I was like 28.
Be careful when using ma’am because it can sometimes make people self-conscious of their age
Only in a Wendy’s
I would never simply because i would never want to be called either
Its largely a regional thing. I work in customers service. Folks in the south will sometimes twke offense if I use the first name. People from the north east will be offended with sir and especially ma’am.
All of the CEOs I’ve had, from big companies to startups, would be addressed by first name. Using “sir” or “ma’am” would be, at best, considered to be for humor value.
a classic Tu or Usted conundrum
Only when I’m making a point
Never. We don’t have different social statuses here. And I suppose we do have different classes, but there’s no way I am calling someone sir or ma’am just because they make more than me or they’re older than me. I have a VERY hard time as a woman calling a man “sir.” I am not beneath anyone, especially men. The only time I use it is if that person’s a stranger and it’s more about politeness. Like if I need a store clerk’s attention and I might say “excuse me ma’am” or “thank you sir”. But even then I’ll probably drop that soon since we’re moving away from gender specific terms.