I’m 22, currently in college, and I never had a girlfriend; I have lots of girls that liked me when I was in junior and high school, and also a few in college. Yes, I do like some of them, and yes, some of them are disappointed because I refused them, but I just refused to have a girlfriend cause I want to be able to support my girlfriend and hang out with my own money. My family isn’t poor; they don’t mind me if I have a girlfriend or not, but they prefer that I have a girlfriend. I just don’t like using my parents money just to go with my girlfriend. My mindset is that I will get a girlfriend when I can make my own money so that i can use my money however i want and make her happy. What do you think about it?
TL;DR! – I don’t like using my parents money to hangout with my girlfriend. That’s why i want to get a girlfriend when i make my own money.
19 comments
Of course it ok to not have a girlfriend yet! It’s your decision for if you are ready or not 🙂
Your choice is fine, but why would you need to support your girlfriend? Women can make their own money…
**Socializing is an important part of growing as a person.**
No, you absolutely don’t have to date, but also realize you have missed out on years of experience when it comes to dating and getting romantically intimate with someone.
You can date and tell women you aren’t interested in anything serious. That way you get some experience. Otherwise I think you may be setting yourself up for heartache in the future when you realize you have unrealistic expectations or ideas on how dating/having a relationship should work.
Also, people that wait for ‘the right time’ when it comes to relationships usually find that it is never really the ‘right time.’
Example:
You don’t want to date in university. Your busy studying and have limited funds. So you decide to wait till you graduate. The thing is, you graduate and realize you want to find a good job before you date. Get a good paycheck that can support you and going out.
You get the well paying job. However, your not ready to date because you need a new car. You worked so hard, you deserve that
New car after all.
You got the car and now you think, renting is such a waste, why not save up for a down payment on a house? Yeah, dating needs to go on the backburner because dates are expensive, and you need to get a house and pay it down while your young. Build equity.
You see where I’m going with this?
You have in mind who you want to be in a relationship and don’t want one till you get there. I see no issues with that ✌️
As long as you also develop yourself into becoming emotionally intelligent, self love and self improvement, it wouldn’t be a bad idea.
I just hope you don’t think that with a good paying job that it increases your chances of being successful in a long term relationship.
That requires experience and figuring out what you want as well as what a relationship requires.
If you ever stop working on yourself, or investing in the relationship because you’re too busy making money to support the both of you, you’ll end up in a relationship that fails.
There needs to be a strong emotional connection and chemistry on top of everything else and it cannot be allowed to decline for too long.
If you let yourself go it can fizzle out.
It requires a lot of work. You making money will only improve interest slightly more but if you don’t dress to impress and come off as boring and a nice guy, you’re toast.
Plenty of loner nerd guys making 6 figures for a tech company but that doesn’t mean they are desired.
Being the bread winner and neglect everything else like passion and desire or bedroom openness will guarantee failure
If you find a girlfriend that makes all the money, then you don’t need to use your parents money to go on dates 🤔
The right girl won’t require you to spend a lot of money on them. There are a lot people in college with tight budgets. You can’t buy a good girlfriend.
Why are you planning on supporting your girlfriend ?
That attitude is such a mistake. Date as much as you can now. You need to have girlfriends so you can make relationship mistakes and learn from them.
While I think it’s up to anyone when they want to start dating, you got to remember that this is just a gf, you don’t have to support your gf financially.
As for dates, I think it’s if it’s fine for your parents to give you allowance to go out on dates, whyever not…but if you don’t feel comfortable about that, then you pay for your own dates by either part time job or whatnot.
You also should not rely on using $$ to make your gf happy. While money is important, being a good bf is not about financing your gf or just treating/spending money on her. You’re not anyone’s ATM.
If you don’t want to date, it’s perfectly fine not to date. However, if the lack of money is the only thing holding you back, I’d think twice.
Most people who date in their early 20s are broke! They too are students, or work low-paying jobs— they’re just starting out! They learn how to find joy and romance in free and cheap activities.
In my opinion, from my experience the best dates were things like picnics in the park, walking along the streets at night and chatting, free nights at museums, etc. The best gifts were thoughtful snacks when I was feeling down, a flower or two, etc. Shows of love and romance don’t require lots of money. While you may fantasize about being able to shower a partner with expensive gifts and trips, they are absolutely not necessary!
And honestly if you can’t find a partner who can find joy in the cheap and free things, then that doesn’t bode well for the future. Even if you get a good job and have lots of money, life can change. Be sure you find someone who doesn’t require money to make them happy.
You can have or not have a girlfriend for whatever reason you want! This seems like an especially solid one.
Enjoy the single life!
You are not required to date. If being single makes you happy atm, be it.
But I have to admit I don’t fully understand your arguments. Broke college students (a lot of us has been there) do not financially support their partners.
nothing wrong with that. it is important to be a whole, self-sufficient and independent individual before bringing someone else into the picture. you’re working on yourself and prioritizing your personal growth and getting where you want to be first without having to worry about anyone else.
it is a perfectly normal thing for a guy to want to take care of his girlfriend. you want to be your own man standing on your own two feet first. i think this is a pretty decent, even noble thing.
everyone lives life on their own timeline and follows their own path. you don’t need to date if you don’t feel ready yet. don’t worry about “missing out.” yeah, you’re not as experienced as a lot of other people your age are but that isn’t a bad thing. there are a lot of other people out there your age or even older who haven’t dated yet, for the same reasons: they want to wait until the right time or for the right person.
that is more important. people don’t always need romantic relationships to grow and develop into the person they need to be. for a lot of people, that’s part of it; but spending time with yourself and focusing on you is extremely important and often neglected. a lot of people also jump into relationships when they’re lacking in a lot of areas as an individual, and this creates problems in the relationship and often leads to heartache and even regrets.
it sounds like you are perfectly comfortable being by yourself for now and are the type of guy who takes relationships seriously. i think these are great qualities. it shows a sense of security within yourself and an awareness of what you want and what kind of man you want to be for your woman. it’s also the mature thing to be able to look at where you are now and say to yourself you’re not ready yet and decide you want to wait until you can be the type of partner you want to be.
what you’ve decided is more than okay. keep doing what you’re doing. don’t feel like you need to hurry and find a girlfriend already. you’ll know when you’re ready. until then, keep building yourself up.
(something else i wanted to tell you: being an adult virgin can be hard sometimes because of the social pressure, etc. everyone expects you to have been with somebody already in your teens, or at least by freshman year of college. maybe you feel some insecurity about it already, and when you start dating, you might feel insecurity about it then, too.
it isn’t something to be ashamed of, to wait for when it feels right; and not all women necessarily want a super experienced guy. there are women out there who prefer guys like you and me who haven’t been with as many people, or with anyone at all yet. there are some that would like that you chose to wait to start dating until you were an established man first. there are women who would find what this says about your character and your attitude about relationships very attractive.
the right woman will respect that you made this choice. anyone who judges you for being inexperienced can be kicked to the curb. it’s your life. you do what is best for you.)
Just an fyi, dude to dude, you are currently at a point of life when it’s arguably easiest to get a GF. While it’s perfectly fine to focus on yourself and build yourself up before you start dating, keep in mind that after 26-27 finding a partner becomes significantly harder.
I think that you are harming yourself by this plan. You are artificially preventing yourself from experiencing intimacy, from figuring out how relationships work, figuring out what kind of girl you actually can live with long term.
It is ok to not spend a lot of money on girlfriend. Finding a girlfriend that has similar outlook on money is important. But, just plain refusal to form normal relationships, because you dont have a job yet sounds like harming yourself for no reason.
You could hangout and have a relationship with a girl and not spend on her. Then when you establish that relationship, you grow up and earn some money. Now you could treat the girl you know you want in your life since you know her.
I think it’s fine if you want to wait until you have a job and not totally finically dependent on your parents, because it sounds like right now you are. But just don’t keep pushing the goal post. If you just want to have your own spending money and be able to take a girl on dates, that’s fine. If you’re trying to wait so you can buy a girl fancy gifts and support her, that’s unnecessary. But I get it, you’d feel more confident if you were financially free.
That said you can still go on dates and find a girlfriend who is ok with where you’re at right now. As long as you have goals and show ambition I don’t think most girls would mind you not having a job right now, or that you’re dependent on your parents. You’re 22, a LOT of people are in your position. Unless you want a really traditional girl who expects you to provide for her and whatever, you should have no issues dating.
How much money do you think you need to date?