For context me(18F) and my boyfriend(18M) were virgins and literally the first of everything. We just had sex the other day and I was expecting it to hurt and somehow bleed but it didnt, which is shocking. I was slightly sore after tho.
We did foreplay, he went down on me and I gave him a bj then he came, took a break and cuddled, and then went down on me again. I asked him if he wanted to try rubbing himself on me but got tempted so we decided to do the whole act. I already orgasmed twice prior to him entering. There was a very very slight sting at first then it felt really good after that and I didnt even bleed. Is this fine?? And his dick aint small so thats not the reason.
45 comments
1st time doesn’t have to hurt and not everyone bleeds. Nothing to worry about.
this is how first time penetrative sex should be. the idea that it will inevitably hurt the receiver and you’ll bleed is a myth carried over from societies that said women weren’t meant to enjoy sex – usually pain and bleeding results from insufficient preparation/foreplay, or being nervous and tensing up. I’m glad you had a good time!
It’s a myth that people should bleed on their first time! If youve had a lot of foreplay and you are suitably turned on, first time sex shouldnt hurt, but that little sting is nothing to worry about ❤️
This is how my first time was, same age too. Quite normal.
You both did fantastic!
You got a keeper there.
I (28f) was also 18 my first time and did not bleed. The reason people bleed their first time is because of a barrier of extra skin (the hymen) which usually wears away with time by using tampons, riding a bike, or even being fingered by your bf regularly. It’s absolutely normal.
Let me get this straight you think something is wrong coz you had a good first time didn’t experience pain on blood. Jeez how depressing that women are told to expect this and that it’s normal. Most women experience pain coz there not ready not aroused not used lube and done forplay, some bleed coz thay need more forplay and lubricant so there’s other a withdrawal bleed coz of pressure on the curvix a micro tear if damage to the hymen. This is not the way it’s ment to be it’s what we’re told to expect
A relief to know actually. Thanks for sharing so I won’t be so scared when it’s my turn lol
That’s the patriarchy for you! We are expected to bleed and hurt like we are supposed to “break” but the truth is you can break your hymen by riding a bike or even a strenuous workout.
Having sex for the first time can hurt for many reasons: you’re not taking your time, you’re nervous and in your head, you’re being too rough… But it really doesn’t have to hurt. Sounds like you had a wonderful first experience and that’s great for both of you.
*Eta: we really need good sex education. Not just “prevent pregnancy and STIs” but a real “this is how things work” program.
You’re so lucky!
thats like the idea first time, well done, happy for you guys
edit to add: i also didnt bleed my first time, thats super normal too. i think its like 50% do, 50% dont
My first time, I was on top and just kind of teasing his dick against me and ended up just sliding it in. It was like holy shit we are having sex. No blood or pain.
I didn’t hurt or bleed my first time either, because my partner made sure to do plenty of foreplay and go slow. This is how it should be! It’s totally normal 🙂
Everyone’s different.
I was my wife’s first and she pretty much described her experience just like you did.
Not everyone bleeds. Not everyone hurts.
To be very honest, the couple women I have talked to about this pretty much have said the same thing regarding their first times as well. I am not disparaging those who bled or who hurt. But, I think it is also one of those things that gets blow out of proportion to reality. Again, I am not trying to dismiss those who that has happened to.
Based on your description of the events. It also sounds like you both did a really good job and he was a gentleman in all regards.
The hymen (a thin flap of skin inside the vagine, which is usually what hurts and causes bleeding, when it’s broken during sex) can be broken by inserting a tampon. If that happens, the bleeding would look no different than your menstrual bleeding. For others, it can be thinner and easier to break without pain or bleeding. As others have said, not everyone experiences pain and/or bleeding.
Sorry, I’m not a doctor…but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. 😊
Lost it with my gf at the time a couple years ago when we were both 16 or so. She didn’t have any problems with pain so it seems normal.
Wow lucky you when I lover my virginity the bed looked like the Red Sea but then again I had never been fingered before or anything
Sounds like things went really well. Nothing to worry about at all. In fact, you got pretty lucky.
I was older (28f) but I didn’t bleed either. Definitely helped that I was quite turned on and we’d taken it slow so by the time we got down to it it wasn’t painful at all despite a slight sting.
What a wonderful “first time” story!
I think the think you did right is climax first. Many couples try sex before the woman has had an orgasm with her partner… or even had an orgasm *ever*! This sets her up for pain, since she’s less likely to be “opened up”, which is something people don’t really think about since it’s largely invisible. But it’s essential for pain-free sex. I cringe when I hear people saying “use lube” as if that will prevent issues with painful intercourse. Applying lube when the woman isn’t sufficiently aroused will just make it easier for the erection to penetrate a closed-up vagina – this is not success, it’s a recipe for pain and trauma.
I’ll paste more thoughts below. Glad you had a good time – I wish it could be like this for everyone!
___
I feel like the standard advice should shift from “some pain is normal” to “your pleasure is mandatory”. People don’t appreciate that – analogous to how male arousal prepares the penis for sex – female arousal prepares the vagina for intercourse. It relaxes, opens up, and becomes lubricated. I suspect many women try PIV before they’ve had an orgasm alone, let alone with their partner, and they’re trying sex before they have a great idea of what arousal feels like. So that’s my suggestion – emphasize pleasure and encourage them to move intercourse down the priority list. Make sure orgasms are happening before any PIV is attempted.* I don’t think jamming fingers or toys into a clenched up vagina will do much to prepare them (except ramp up fear/anxiety about penetration).
*To be clear, I am not necessarily recommending that a woman climax and then try PIV right after – some women lose all interest/arousal/pleasure right after climax. I am saying: make sure you’re getting off so you know what physical arousal feels like, and don’t try PIV unless you’re sure you’re physically aroused. For many women, that means some combination of clitoral stimulation (hands, mouth, or toys) and something sexy (erotica or non-threatening / low-pressure attention from a partner).
Hearing a good and consensual first time makes me so happy for y’all(:
I find myself wondering if those who experience bleeding were also the ones for whom a penis was their first-ever penetrative experience, ie, no fingering (even by oneself), tampons, etc
My first time didn’t hurt either. I orgasmed during the first time he was in me too, which was a shock when I heard that “never” happens the first time.
Congratulations, you were probably feeling safe, comfortable and horny, so you just had a nice first experience. Good for you
It’s normal and wow you got a good one for your first time!!! Good for you! most girls first time is all about the dude mostly and no foreplay.
Oh this is so refreshing to hear, I constantly hear horror stories about how painful sex is and it honestly scares me a bit.
I feel like it is fine yeah, but media usually portrays it as like ‘it will hurt for you and you will bleed, be careful!!’ . It is probably one of those other things to make people want to back out from doing it.
I was a virgin as was my husband when we married and it did not hurt nor did I bleed.
You do not need to bleed when you lose your virginity, that’s a myth!!!
It depends on how comfortable you are with the other person and your attitudes towards sex as a whole. Congrats!
First times shouldn’t hurt and some people won’t bleed which is okay! I wish I’d been told this after my first time bc I thought it was normal to hurt. If done right, it won’t.
The best way to make it not hurt is to be really ready. A bunch of good quality oral sex is a great way to be ready! I didn’t bleed my first time until hours later, but not everyone does.
Lost my virginity with my now wife who was also a virgin at the time. She didn’t bleed or make any mention of pain or discomfort.
We inched it in bit by bit, and being that it was our first time having actual sex we were slow and methodical.
Glad we were. Enjoyable time for us both.
You actually did it the ideal way. You had foreplay and came prior to the intercourse portion of sex, so you were likely more relaxed and naturally lubricated up.
Pain and bleeding doesn’t always happen, but it’s more prevalent during the loss of virginity because the inexperienced people having sex usually don’t do all the things necessary to get a girl ready physically.
First time bleed mysteries were created because people had sex too early back in ancient and their tissue was not grownup, so it teared easily and that’s it.
i was 16 and did not bleed either! funny how gorey they always make your first time seem to be when in reality it was chill and unmemorable personally
My (17f at the time) first time was actually really decent. No bleeding. If anything, I just felt a lot of pressure and that alone was alarming, but it wasn’t painful. I was sore though. My partner at the time was larger than average but not huge either. I guess everyone is different. But I mostly heard that everyone had pain/bleeding. So I get why your questioning it.
Same with me, I was really wet and into it and my first time didn’t hurt at all, just felt really good
It’s better than fine, sounds like a great first time! Congrats and enjoy!
Yeah it’s a good thing you two did wright the first time high five each other and pop the sparkling champagne you two crazy love birds!
Hymens vary just like snowflakes. Every single one is different. Being involved in sports can also partially tear the hymen. It sounds like you had plenty of foreplay so everything was well prepared.
It sounds like your first time was a good experience so congrats on that.
Not all that weird. My first time wasn’t painful. I did break my hymen and bled a little, but it didn’t really bleed much until later.
I never bled the first time either…
Well not everyone bleeding or hurt when u do it first time,
Why did u think that tho?
In fact, i dont know anyone that had a hard time when they did it first time.
The only reason people think it should hurt or bleed is because of porn and fetishisation. Most women’s hymens are already perforated or simply broken by the time they have sex for the first time. A squat, a tampon, the splits, can all break your hymen. And sex IS NOT SUPPOSED TO HURT!!! 🤦♀️
Biggest myth out there: “its SUPPOSED to hurt.” Blantantly false. If you are properly prepared (which it sounds like you were), then it shouldn’t hurt. I’m glad you had a great first experience!!