What mistakes did you make in your past / current relationship and how did you actively go about repairing the issues?

11 comments

1. I made many mistakes. We amended those mistakes by splitting up. It’s a good tactic I’d recommend it.

2. My first relationships I was a complete wimp, I didn’t allow myself to say I was unhappy and just let her decide everything.

   My middle relationships I over-corrected that behavior, kinda turned into an asshole and shut my emotions off.

   Now I’m married and found a good middle ground; I can speak up when I’m unhappy, I can compromise when my wife is not.

3. My first relationship I spent too much time worrying if my partner liked me because I had a deep seated belief that no one could really like me. It manifested its self in never really trusting her, when she was perfectly trustworthy and good. It destroyed our relationship because I was always worried she was going to leave me for someone more attractive, wealthy, or able to provide her with things I assumed she wanted. It took a while to realize what had happened. My second long term (6 year) relationship, the mistake I made was picking someone I didn’t really like. She checked a lot of the boxes in someone I liked, but her personality and mine did not mix very well. She was a trophy I was proud to take out places and be seen with, but my motivations were all wrong. I ain’t perfect, I am learning and I am sure to fuck up my next relationship with an easily avoidable obstacle.

4. Lying to avoid potential arguments. I had a previous relationship where my GF would criticize everything I did and who I hung out with and it messed with me for years. One of my coping mechanisms was to lie to other GFs just so I didn’t have to worry about it. It could have been as simple as why I had for lunch. For example, I would lie about going to In-n-out vs being healthy and eating a salad simply because I didn’t want to hear it from her. Eventually found a woman who worked through the lying with me, and after finally convincing me she loved me for who I was and not who she wanted me to be… that fixed it.

5. I spoiled her way too much and there’s no turning that ship around

6. Don’t allow anyone to rush decisions. If you’re not ready and/or comfortable to do something, you don’t have to. If the person you’re with “gets mad” and turns a conversation about your boundaries into an argument, the relationship doesn’t have to continue.

7. I had bad jealousy problems. I snooped through her phone, never found anything, and then felt like shit until I did it again, thankfully I grew out of that, but it all came from deep seeded insecurity issues. Not a time I’m proud of.

8. Never trade sanity for hot. Beauty can be found in aspects other than appearance but nothing fixes crazy.

9. Checking my partners messages. Ill spare the details but something happened around this time last year that really dealt a hammer blow to the trust in our relationship and as a result i started checking her messages every so often. I feel like shit every time i do even though theres nothing there and nothing for me to worry about anymore. Now im actively trying to stop. If she leaves her computer on, ill turn it off rather than check. If she leaves her phone somewhere ill give it to her rather than check. Its work in progress but im trying my best.

10. My fiance contacted a guy she used to mess around with to meet in private. She used him to get her weed and cigarettes cause she was not employed at the time and neither was I.

    She gets bad withdrawals and turns into basically Satan on steroids. So she got him to drive her to buy weed and then ditched him to go home when he wanted to go home with her and hang out.

    She tried hiding it from me cause she was embarrassed and didn’t want to upset me. I truthfully know she’d never do anything but it truly hurt she felt she needed to hide things and lie to me. just meant she shouldn’t have been doing it.

    To get passed that we worked hard. She made changes and is still working on it. She doesn’t talk to any ex’s or hook ups at all from her past. She forces herself to be open and honest with me about almost everything now. some stuff I know she won’t tell me but it’s not things im concerned with.

11. Got married young. No repair made, just waiting to die now.