My boyfriend (34M) asked me (34F) to help him with something on his phone. Support asked me to send a screenshot of the error message he was getting. When I went into his gallery to attach the screenshot, I saw that he had screenshots of my sister from her social media page. So, to be fair, these are photos that anyone has access to. But that’s also kind of the issue. Why would you need to screenshot these photos if you can look at them anytime you want? I’m not dumb, I know why he has them. And I’m beyond grossed out.
Additional information: We have been together almost 7 years and we live together. My sister is 27 and is my best friend. She has spent the night at our house. My boyfriend and I have spent the night at her house. He has been to all of our family events. He IS family. Also, my boyfriend sucks with technology. I’m constantly helping him reset passwords, place/return orders, etc. I have found tons of porn and porn searches on his phone and I have told him numerous times, I don’t care what you look at, but it shouldn’t be this easy for me to find. I have told him about private browsing. To clarify, I have never looked through his phone. Anything I have found is literally because he has asked me to help and in helping, it was right there in front of me.
When I found the pictures, I tried to just finish what I was helping him with. I ended up just being so upset and my hands were shaking, that I threw the phone in his lap and told him he’s going to have to figure out himself because I saw the pics of my sister. He instantly knew he was in trouble and the first thing he said was “well I know you’re going to be mad at me tonight and probably tomorrow too”. I went into my bedroom and shut the door. As he tends to do, he came in 20 minutes later and asked if I wanted to talk. I told him that there’s no other reason for him to have them saved on his phones, that it is always going to be weird to have him around when she’s there, that I feel grossed out. He first accused me of looking through his phone, which I quickly corrected. Then he said “guys are just different” with no further explanation and the rest was just “I don’t know what to say” and telling me he was going to give me space. At one point he asked if I was going to leave him, but I don’t think he let me answer or he started saying something else, either way, it didn’t get answered.
I don’t know if this is a relationship deal breaker or if this is just something to have a conversation about. How do I not feel weird seeing him interact with my sister?
It also sucks because my sister is the person I would normally go to with this information, but I can’t tell her this.
24 comments
“I don’t know if this is a relationship deal breaker or if this is just something to have a conversation about. How do I not feel weird seeing him interact with my sister?” Are you stupid? Break up
My ex husband did this and had a affair with her yrs later. I didn’t find out until I was pregnant. This is not good.
That’s absolutely a deal breaker. It’s your little sister. I would tell mine and ask her if he conaxts her to chat or if she’s ever gotten a vibe. That’s a lazy explanation that guys are just different. For me there is no justifying this.
He doesn’t respect common decency boundaries. Like very basic.
Gross. Yes, this is a dealbreaker. Guys, *normal* guys, are not that different. Knowing that the jacks off to pictures of your sister? No, there’s no coming back from that. I’m sorry he’s such an unapologetic reprobate, and I’m sorry for the pain you’re in and for the pain that lies ahead.
The whole “guys are just different” is such a miserable excuse. He’s got the whole internet of options and instead goes to your sister’s social media. That’s not a “guys are different” thing. That’s a “your bf is creeping on your sister” thing. Tell your sister so she can block him on everything. Make him delete the screenshots. Then, ask yourself if you can really be with someone who treats you and your sister this way. Though I think you already know the answer.
Eh. If it were me, I’d end it but only because every time we have sex, I’d imagine my bf is most likely fantasizing about my sister which would be weird as fck.
Your boyfriend crossed the line. “Guys are just different” is at a minimum an excuse he’ll continue to use when you find things he shouldn’t have and at worse, right up there with boys will be boys and all the other sayings that build and excuse rape and abuse of women. That he wasn’t even apologetic means he has no respect for either of you. Tell your sister immediately, count your blessings, not the years and leave.
”I don’t know if this is a relationship deal breaker or if this is just something to have a conversation about.”
You joking right?!!!
I don’t do that to any photos/vids of anyone I know. That would be super weird and totally unnecessary if he’s already looking up porn. Kinda odd.
I wouldn’t be able to get over this. My sister is my best friend, like yours is. If my husband did this with my sister’s pics, or if my brother in law did it with my pics, I would be disgusted and heartbroken. It’s just such a violation. If he does this with her pics, the closest person to you, what’s stopping him from doing the same thing with any other person in your life? I just think if you stay with him, this will cause constant pain and awkwardness. It could also put a strain on your close relationship with your sister. You deserve better!
Yeah no I would break it up. Especially because he tried to cover his ass and gas light you first. 7 years gone but hard pass.
My sister and my ex ruined a 6 year relationship. I’m never going back. She used to be my best friend. But they decided to both lie.
Your BF has a thing for your sister. He consciously searched and downloaded her pics for his spank bank. Your relationship is over when your SO fantasizes your sister. You’re going to have to move out and let your sister know you and your BF had a falling out and you’re not ready to talk about it.
Look, realistically knowing he jacks off to your sister *is* the dealbreaker.
But let’s say you’re able to overlook that. His response is what’s telling here. Rather than seem remotely apologetic, he is indifferent. He tried some soft deflection but wasn’t really bothered it didn’t work. Basically just a “shrug” and I guess you’ll leave me now.
Is that who you want to build a life with? Someone when caught doing something horrific is indifferent to it?
It always pisses me off whenever guys say that, “we are just different” no, we aren’t. He’s just one of the pieces of shit variety. Pieces of shit do this, not regular people. You need to decide if you are okay with him sexually objectifying your sister or not. And you should tell your sister so that she is aware you are dating a creep. She has a right to know since she is the one he is stalking.
So you found something upsetting in the first page of pictures huh? I suspect there’s more to find there and if you’re going to stick around you’d be better off finding it all.
I would say its a relationship ender for me.. I’m not a fan of porn or anything like that as I feel it’s being unfaithful, pleasuring yourself to another person.. but your own sister who he interacts with and sees alot.. yes I would end the relationship. He excuse is stupid and honestly sounds like he isn’t bothered you know and expects you to get over it.
I would end it for his violation of you and your sister, how would she feel if she knew this loser was knocking one out over her pics..
I’d tell her what you saw and know and end it with him.
Otherwise you will end up driving yourself man every time they interact.
It’s not a guy thing at all honey.
I have two younger sisters and if I ever found photos of them saved on my husband’s phone I’d lose my mind. The fact that you didn’t immediately throw him out is blowing my mind. It’s a deal breaker and honestly if you don’t leave, you’re gross too.
that’s disgusting. imagine if it was your sisters bf, you would probably tell her to leave him too right?
Well, for me, i couldn’t ever fuck him again knowing he wants to bang my sister.
This would be a deal breaker for me. As someone whose husband cheated on me with my sister this is disgusting.
He offered no real explanation, which means it’s as bad as you picture it. He is masturbating to photos of your sister. What would the future look like if you stayed?
– You would want to keep him and your sister as separated as possible, which would impact your very good relationship with your sister, who didn’t deserve it;
– You would wonder if he’s fantasizing about her all the time;
– You would not trust him going forward to not creep on people you love/know…
It would be a nightmare. I don’t think you have a choice. You’ve spent many years with him but think of the many years you’re saving by ending it now.
Also – it is absolutely not normal for a guy to masturbate to his girlfriends family members or friends. It is not. He could choose any woman on this internet for that, and according to his browser history, he does. So this is creepy and means he has a crush.
This is gross and a dealbreaker. He’s not even sorry.
If this is something he sees as normal and he does it openly (easy to find) what does he hide?
>”guys are just different”
Crock of shite. For every man who IS actively sexualizing his girlfriend’s sister to the point of needing “saved material” there are 10 others who have managed to get through life without needing to.
We can’t control all of our thoughts and shouldn’t have to. Sometimes we see someone and think they are attractive. No biggie. But we can control our actions. Once someone takes an active step to put a thought into an action, they already crossed the line.
He betrayed your trust and your family dynamic.