So my partner told me about this website she frequents that has a little chat community that she has been a part of for a couple of years, she told me it’s fun and she knows everyone and they’re all random friends and all that.
The site is about something that I enjoyed years ago so I joined the community a week ago. Today I decide to join the chat and to my surprise I immediately identified her from some dead giveaways on the account name. I don’t know if it’s wrong of me but I felt curious to see what they were talking about and scrolled up the chat history. I saw messages from her saying she is horny, that is feeling horny and wants to have sex (in general), asking other users to show their dicks (sort of in a joking manner), and she had sent a selfie of herself (not dirty, but still to a group of random strangers) and asked if they remember the one she sent a couple days ago when she was drunk.
When I read that my stomach sunk and I just couldn’t believe it. I wanted to throw up.
When I figured it was her (before I scrolled up the chat) I texted her asking like “hey I think I found you in the chat is this you?” And then I scrolled up and read everything and saw the selfie, and I texted her like “wow that’s fucked up, I did not need to see that.”
I don’t know what to feel or how to feel about it. I’m so confused. When I told her what I saw and how I felt she did apologize and said she’d delete the app but that it’s all raunchy talk in the group chat and it’s all jokes. And I get it but still.
I’m not sure if I’m being just overly sensitive and insecure or this is a real problem.
TLDR: gf invited me to an online community chat she is a part of, a week later I join and find her chatting about wanting to have sex and asking for dick pics and sending pictures of herself.
17 comments
>I’m not sure if I’m being just overly sensitive and insecure
Yes
Yes, you are…
You caught a small part of what to expect in your future.
Its just joking around until it isn’t. she craves attention and it does not matter where she gets it from
I talk to people online but never like that, that’s basically disrespectful to you asking dudes to show their dicks, she wouldn’t be okay with you asking girls to send their tits. I’d say communicate for now, maybe couple therapy but if this is too much to deal with maybe breaking up could be a solution, it’s all on you though.
She craves attention because she likely has issues with her self worth.
If you want to continue in this relationship know that if you fail to validate her (which you will) she will go seeking attention elsewhere.
Additionally. You can help her but it’ll be a long and difficult path. I’d recommend reading “The Laws of Human Nature” great book!
It is at least disrespectful. Her behavior when she is free without any influence shows her true character. The fact that she now wants to delete the application does not change in any way the choices she has shown that she makes. Now everything depends only on you. Next time maybe it won’t happen online but in real life.
I draw the line when it becomes intimate. Just not something I would be comfortable with. I can talk raunchy with the best of them. But it’s in ideas or abstracts. Never personal, especially with internet strangers, like talking about doing things with each other. Gotta find your boundaries and stick to them. And if her boundaries are different, then you have to decide what you’re willing to compromise on or what is a hard line.
Yeah that’s not jokes …….she may delete it but probably will seek out attention elsewhere with others . I mean she’s had it for years so it may just be the type of person she is.
Your girlfriend is exploring her naughty side and the public venue suggests that she is on a slippery slope to greater extremes as time goes on. Sending photos to strangers online is also risky in terms of attracting the attention of potentially harmful characters, which is careless at best and very dangerous at worst. She clearly has a lot of maturing to do and her naughty proclivity may lead to more risky situations in the future. I think you need to have a heart-to-heart conversation with her and let her know that you are not interested in a relationship with someone who is so casually risky in a public space with strangers. She either understands and reigns in this side of her personality, or you both move on to other partners.
I’ve actually had a very similar experience with my partner’s interactions with an online community. The key difference is originally we were in an open relationship. I ended up enforcing more boundaries, and each time he would stay within them, but I found myself being more and more uncomfortable with his remaining online interactions still until I asked him if we could fully close the relationship. If you want to make it work, it takes a lot of communication. I had to put in a lot of work and heart to hearts for him to fully grasp how insecure I felt, and why I would never be okay with what he was doing even if I felt confident that he loved only me. To some people, they really are desensitized to being horny with strangers on the internet and see it as something purely mechanical or for fun. It’s not a healthy thing to rely on so much external validation from strangers, and I’ve expressed my opinion on that to him and started to get him to work on it. The toughest part I’ve had to wrap my head around is seeing that side of him, similar to what you’ve said. I’ve seen so many instances of him being flirty with random people, but I’ve also seen dms to those same people where he’s gushing about how much he loves me, and I think reconciling that someone can do both is the hardest part for me, one that I still struggle to get over. If you think it’s worth it, you can still talk to her and try to make sense of it, but only if you really want to put that effort in. If it’s too much to get over, or it doesn’t result in any meaningful change in her behavior, I’d not torment myself prolonging it any further.
Wait – so you gf is chatting with random people and uploading photos of herself? Like sexy photos?
How old is she? Fuck!! No one in a committed relationship would find this ok.
I would have a serious talk about boundaries and if she needs this kind of attention. If she does then this isn’t the relationship for you
The fact that she invited you shows she had no idea it crossed boundaries. Odd, but it does allow you to
Have a conversation
This is concerning, cause it’s also what you just happened to recently catch. If you said she was 19,20 or way younger I would chalk it up to immaturity but you’re pushing 30 and doing that shit? Yikes.
I’ll be honest that I’m someone who’s done those sort of things in the past while SINGLE. I’d never even consider it in a committed relationship. I’m in one right now and I don’t even have the desire to. If I’m horny or want attention, I can ask my partner, that’s the point of being in a monogamous relationship.
Have you guys ever had a talk about boundaries and what constitutes cheating in the relationship? I know it varies for everyone but for a lot of people this would be considered cheating. I’m really sorry you went through this. I hope you’re doing alright.
She realized she was wrong and offered to delete the App. You two need to have a talk and tell her that this type of behavior is not acceptable to you. Then see what happens from there unless you really want to break up with her.
Should I stay or should I go nowwwwwww
You get it? No, you shouldn’t. I’m a woman. If this situation were reversed and a man I was seeing asked other women to see their coin purses after announcing being horny, I’d be really pissed off. I do not know a single man that jokes with women like that.
Why was she not messaging YOU that?!?! What are we missing here?
Did she invite you or did you just join to spy?
I ask because an ex of mine joined a community like that to spy on me and I considered it a huge breach of trust.
Chatting and communities can be a healthy sublimation that can allow many relationship dynamics to work that otherwise wouldn’t… but your feelings are still valid. It sucks but I would say try and focus on specifically what it is that you’re feeling upset about.
If it’s something she’s done for a long time and tries to quit it without you both unpacking your feelings it could spark more resentment.
you’re not satisfying her enough. that’s why she crave for strangers dick
always fuck your girl enough
period