Showed my vulnerable side, and got ridiculed for it.

41 comments

1. Welcome to the club. It sucks, but what you just experienced is unfortunately quite common. Yes, women want to see your vulnerable side. And yes, a substantial percentage will then use that vulnerability against you. The only advice I can give you is choose wisely who you actually open up to.

2. How could this be? Women overwhelmingly say they want a man who is “emotionally available” lol

3. Are you dating this woman? Like, in a relationship and having sex and all that?

4. Unfortunately I’ve learned to not show people close to you the things you are truely vulnerable and insecure about. Tell a therapist or work through it on your own, then you can tell them. This will make them feel like you have opened up to them with out the risk of them using it against you.
   People don’t care about your life the way you care about your life. They care about their life. They only want to seem like they care so they can feel good about themselves.

5. Man, fuck this girl. Cut her off cuz you’re worth more than that. If you show her that side of you and she makes fun of you for it, then let her go date the assholes she’s so fond of. Opening up to people is hard, you took a shot on her and she rejected it, onto the next one king.

6. I felt your pain man, I used to try to open up to people but it would almost always get shut down immediately or when I got emotional I would get ridiculed as well. The first time is hard but if you continue to do so to the wrong people it will continue and get darker. Best bet is to seek help through therapy where it is someone’s job to listen and help you come out of it, & if you do it is better to do so with a female. It will help you in the long run. You might have a chemical imbalance as well thelat contributes to your state of mind. I was the same way and I continued to think things would get better but they did not and I turned into a suicidal alcoholic mess but medication & therapy changed my life.

7. In a long term relationship, if you can’t trust the other person to support you, that makes for a shaky foundation. It’s a very basic ask in a relationship that, even if your partner doesn’t totally get you or isn’t perfect in terms of giving you support, you at least feel like you have someone in your corner. If you don’t have that, your feelings for them will take a hit at some point.

   As for your fear regarding whether everyone will treat you like this, obviously when your trust is broken, it’s hard to fully trust someone again. Don’t force it. Look around for the happy couples you know that support each other. Take them as inspiration.

8. Opening up your self is basically a leap of faith. You’re gonna see someone’s true color though when you do it, good or bad

9. I hate to say it, but this is incredibly common. I’ve experienced it and so have many other men

   It’s so tiring to hear about destroying toxic masculinity (which i agree we should) but then men get punished for actually expressing their emotions

10. Get rid of her. The fact that you showed your vulnerable side and she told someone else isn’t good. She can’t be trusted

11. Yeah, been there, that’s what happens

12. You’ve got the wrong girl. She has no respect for you. Find someone that does.

13. It is unfortunately all too common. Men are pigeonholed into being strong and not crying etc etc but women simultaneously want us to be comfortable showing our sensitive side. I (31M) have only ever cried in front or one of my exs (31F), my most recent one. She was an incredibly strong woman and only ever cried in front of me once as well. We were sitting on the couch one night talking and she got to talking about the stress in her life due to work, changes in health, and having not seen her family in 3 and a half years (she’s Brazilian and moved to the US 4 and a half years ago). As those words came out of her mouth tears start to well and then roll down her face. I wiped the tears and pulled her into a big hug. When she stopped crying and pulled away she noticed the tears rolling down my face and wiped them as well. In that moment, she seemingly was happy that I was being sensitive and was upset that she was upset. 3 weeks later it bit me in the ass when she said that she wished I had “been strong” in that moment instead of crying.

14. You’re with the wrong person. Easy as that.

15. IDK about you guys but my mother was very sweet, very attentionate and all, she took care of me and she did it well BUT man if you open up to her you have to know that the next time you’ll be in a quarrel she’ll use it against you so…..I learned the hard way to keep my vulnerability for me

16. Dump her. She doesn’t deserve you. And it’ll be her loss.

17. I opened up to a female friend (we never dated) I’ve known for 4 years just to vent and she stopped being my friend after that.

18. I am really sorry that this happened to you.
    It has nothing to do with you though if you think about it. You shared some things and you were vulnerable which is absolutely fine. She was an idiot that decided that this is how she will handle it. Her behaviour should not have an impact on how you express yourself my friend.
    I hope you will find a person that appreciates you.

19. At least now you know she’s not relationship material

20. The ugliest thing is when you trust someone and open up, and then they talk to other people about what you said and gossip about you. It’s disgusting.

21. >I know I should probably end it, and it’s probably the right thing to do. But now I feel as if I can not show any emotion to anybody anymore.

    First, I’m sorry this happened. It was terrible of her to be two-faced and act emotionally supportive or at least understanding and then shit talk you behind your back. But instead of blaming yourself, get pissed.

    Yeah, I get that might sound toxic. Guess what? It *isn’t*. More often than not, folks who struggle with low self-esteem due to trauma aren’t as willing or able to get appropriately angry with someone treating them like crap. So, lean into your repressed anger. There is almost definitely at least an *atom* of your being that feels pissed about it.

    Being angry with a shitty person doesn’t mean acting unhinged or violent. It means letting yourself just *embrace* that feeling, like: “Hey, you know what? [So and so] is a bitch, and I deserve better. Fuck them! I can’t wait to live my best life and find someone who doesn’t pathetically trash talk other people like an asshole for whatever screwy reason.”

    Her bad attitude doesn’t determine your romantic future or limit you from finding someone better. Sure, someone else could act like her. But someone else might be *tremendously* kind when you’re vulnerable.

    You need to get a head start by building up your self-esteem because you’re the only one you can control. Also, the next time you think about opening up, consider if you truly can trust the person you’re opening up to and if they’ve given you solid reasons to do so. Although a few months of dating might seem like a while… to me, that’s too soon to go that deep with someone about serious insecurities. I’ve lived and learned.

22. You showed her who you truly are without subterfuge and she accidentally has done the same for you. I would be very upset but calmly ask her to explain her telling her friend about you opening up to her and even to be pointing out you were crying?

    Somethings are such that there is no possibility of coming back from it all.

    She isn’t as invested in you and your relationship as you thought she was.

    There is not sufficient love for you in this one (her) it seems.

23. She does not respect you. She’s not the one

24. Why won’t he open up to me? Why is he never vulnerable? You go through this a few times and the guard rarely comes down. Sorry bro, it happens.

25. What a 2-faced loser that girl is. She’s rubbish, and anyone who defends her is probably just as pitiful or worse. Absolutely hate people like this. Everyone is vulnerable to some degree and it is an honor to have someone trust you enough to show it. She doesn’t deserve you, she only deserves no one or someone just as bad as her or worse.

26. >this message that include my name, followed by “is a goof.” The next one in her phone says that I’m crying and shit and something about me being a dick.

    Okay the parts about you being a goof and a dick doesn’t sound related to opening up. I think she is one of those people who talks to their friends about their partners behind their back. This is something you need to confront her about.

    Also it is true that men opening up isn’t always accepted, so its important that we do it very gradually. Society expects us to be strong and leaders and sometimes opening up makes us appear weak. I find it easier to open up to a therapist, someone online, or to a friend.

27. Weakness = “the ick”, you don’t have to be Einstein to figure that equation out.

    Save your weakness for your friends and family. Give your dates a calibrated simulacrum of sexy emotional depth, not a dossier on your vulnerabilities.

28. Call her out on it. Whats she gonna do? Call you an asshole in a text to her friends?

    Fuck her. End it. Tell her straight that if you had done the same to her shed be all up in her pearls about it.

29. She’s a loser. Period. If someone opened up to me? I’d cherish it

30. Brother,

    I’m so sorry she was like this to you. I would f’ing let her have it for mocking you to her friend. Especially after you opened up to her.

    I watched a video of a trans man explaining how lonely and hard it was being a man as opposed to a girl. It’s rough, bro. [Being a man is not easy](https://youtu.be/7PC7lVgnSn0)

    Go find your tribe, find people you can open up to, who will support you. You may need to drop her and get an upgrade, my guy. She seems pretty heartless and callous. Those are not qualities you want in a GF or wife. You need someone tender and loving who is going to emotionally support you.

    I had a messed up childhood, and low self-esteem. Women avoided me and treated me like I was invisible. It hurt bad. It wasn’t until I met my GF (Wife now) and got in shape that that changed. Sadly, people can be very superficial and judge you with a glance.
    Looking your best, bring clean, groomed, fit, etc. It really makes a positive difference with your mood, psyche, confidence, and dating.

    Good luck out there brother. 👍🏽

31. might be an unpopular opinion but imo a lot of women lose attraction in scenarios like this. women generally want confident, strong partners who provide stability. i think it has to do with biological wiring and women having relied on men for survival for the longest time in human history.

    i know some women will disagree and i’m sure a lot do want a partner that can open up on a concious level but this is too common of an occurance for there not to be some sort of pattern. the dynamic in relationships often shifts after such occurances.

32. There was a really long thread on AskReddit I think that talked about this exact issue of what happens when a man shows any vulnerability. 90% of the comments were men stating one of these things happen without fail:

    1. She loses attraction and sees you as less of a man

    2. Doesn’t take it seriously, makes fun of you, tells all her friends

    3. She makes it about her

    4. She uses it against you at some point in the future

    There were VERY few testimonies of a woman responding to it well and just supporting you. They must be rare angels or something

33. No one in here is telling you the truth

34. I’ve never seen a woman who cared more about your feelings of vulnerability than about whether or not you can protect her. Throughout history men have been protectors of and providers for women. This is true even in today’s 2 income households. Your emotional issues don’t make her feel safe. You need a strong male support group. Your buddies will help you figure out how to deal with it and give you some excellent advice on working on yourself. They won’t tear you down and call you names behind your back. I will get some hate here from this one, but never believe a woman when she says it’s ok to unload your troubles on her. You may find she’ll use it against you in the future. It’s looks like she probably already has. Understand, this is not a slight on you or an indictment of women. There are just some things you need to understand about your differences. The most important thing you need from her is respect, that eroded when she wasn’t ready to take what you had to unload. Women need to respect you. For them, without respect for you, there is no love for you. You don’t have to be completely stoic, but keep your own council on some things. If you feel that bad about yourself and are not just looking for a little sympathy, then maybe a counselor is a better option to talk to about things like this. The more we’ll adjusted you are going into a relationship, the better chance you have of making it work for you long term. Good luck.🍀

35. You should only open up completely to close family and/or a therapist If I was you. There is nothing wrong with sharing something emotional but you have to keep it short. Rule number 1 never ever open up completely to a woman especially if she isn’t your wife. Women will claim that they want men to do it but they only want t the short version, if you give them the long version it will make you look weak and undesirable. Especially if it is related to dating, like it is with you.

36. Never tell a woman your weakness, she either hate you for being weak or use it to destroy you it’s a lose lose. Read the fable Sampson and Delilah it’s literally your situation

37. Tip my man, never show your emotions to your SO. That is just the way the world works unfortunately. If you love expressing emotions do it in writing in a journal that has a lock on it.

38. Yeah, if women say they accept men that are vulnerable 9 out of 10 times they are not only lying to yourself but themself too

    And far to many regularly break the trust and privacy in the relationship with sharing private details with others

    We men need to have higher standards and stop tolerating toxic behavior by women

39. That’s horrible. I’m glad you found out though, because likely she is going ro take you for a ride if you don’t tell her to fuck off

40. Girls don’t like vulnerable dudes, sometimes yes, but overall no, it’s a turn off. What a shame

41. Girls want a protector. Show your weaknesses and they lose interest in you.