We have been a long distance couple for seven months now. Today she’s flying into my city and we’ve discussed that we’d like to have sex with each other first and foremost. She’s done stuff sexually with another guy, things such as giving him blowjobs and letting them eating her out. That’s it. Me? Nothing. While I’d be the first one to have PIV sex with her, that makes me a little more nervous when I know I shouldn’t. Because I have a roommate (26M) who is a little picky about us having visitors over, my girlfriend and I agreed to go to a fancy hotel to have sex. Any advice is appreciated.
3 comments
Try to relax. It’s easier said than done, but it might be good to keep in mind that whatever happens, you’ll have (an) intimate moment(s) together, and the fact that it’s with each other will make it special. You never know whether you’re going to run into issues in advance, but you can’t change them by stressing about them either. Just communicate about them if they occur! Communication is key in general, even though it can feel a bit awkward at first.
Just gonna mention it now to be sure, but a lot of women struggle reaching orgasm from PIV, either physically or because of a mental block similar to performance anxiety (or both). It’s good to focus on her pleasure for a good while before sex (and ask her whether she likes it when you’re doing certain things!), but if she says she doesn’t think she’s gonna cum, reassure her that you’d find it hot it if she did, but it’s not an issue if she doesn’t as long as she’s enjoying herself. You can also check whether she wants you to focus on her or dial it back a bit if she seems to be getting frustrated with herself for not cumming. Whatever happens though, don’t let it get to your self esteem, sometimes that’s just the way we’re wired. I obviously hope your gf doesn’t struggle with this, but just wanted to err on the side of caution!
Oh, and bring a condom and some lube to be sure. Also talk about whether she’s on birth control and possibly whether she’s been tested (oral sex also poses some risks for STI’s). Sometimes condoms fail. They did with the last two guys I slept with, both pretty early on too, so better safe than sorry imo.
First : your concern is good. It means you wanna make it enjoyable for both of you 🙂
Keep in mind it’s not gonna be perfect the first time, nor does it have to be. She certainly doesn’t expect that.
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Just know that **being good at sex is mostly human qualities** :
* **You need to listen to her reactions** to what you do, to know what works and what doesn’t. It can be words, and by all means communicate, but most women have trouble telling you exactly what they want. That’s why “ask her what she likes” doesn’t always work. It’s much more practical to listen to her breathing, moans, body movements, and keep doing whats works.
* **Be curious** : in order to find what works, you must… try many things !
* **Be actually invested in pleasing her**. Don’t just try for 5 minutes. You need the right mindset to do that. You seem to have it though 🙂
* **Ask and listen for feedback** : make her feel safe in telling you what’s good and not-that-good.
* **Know your body** : you need to know your limits, listen to your sensations. It’s not only about her body, but about the interaction between you too.
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One last thing : don’t listen to people saying it’s not about technique. It’s bullshit. This is just a way of saying they don’t know or can’t describe the techniques.
There are actually ways to describe what to try in a very comprehensive way that will make you a better lover. But they only work if you listen, are curious, and really invested. So start with that, you can work on your technique in the coming weeks 🙂
*(I talk about that on my newsletter)*
The 2 most important things are communication and enthusiasm. Be into her and talk to her and figure out what she likes/feels good. Her moans are a huge indicator. They mean keep doing EXACTLY what you are doing. Dont speed up or go harder. If she wants that she will say it or shake more or pull on you more. Read her body language not just what you think you should do.