Long story short, im 20 years old, I’ve never had a relationship or a “thing” with someone. I’ve only ever really liked one girl (and still do even about 4 years after getting rejected) and I’m afraid it’s becoming an obsession, maybe it already has.
I’ve realized one of the reasons I’ve been so attached is because I haven’t really given myself the opportunity to get to know other girls. But I’ve spent all my life never trying to pick up girls or ask girls out, and it’s not like I’m particularly shy or anything; I’m more reserved/introverted and can definitely hold my own in conversation, but I’m just totally clueless when it comes to flirting and stuff.
Im not ‘good-looking’ but I have a very masculine face (apparently) and I guess people don’t look away when I’m talking to them so that just be a good sign right? When my grooming and outfits are good, it has often gotten me the triple glance from ladies. But where do I go from there? What do I say once I walk up to them? How do I get to know them in conversation without making it an interview? Also where does texting play a part? I honestly hate online messaging and prefer in person meetings or calls, how do I maintain interest when out of physical contact without being clingy? Any and all tips appreciated 🙏🏾
Edit: I realize the way I framed the questions make it seem like I’m asking how to make the specific things I mentioned work; well I mean I am😂 but I want more general advice on how I can make myself available and ready to enter and build a relationship
6 comments
Respectfully, your idea of putting yourself out there is overly focused on specific stuff about meeting and talking to and impressing women. I think you’re right, it’s becoming an obsession for you.
Putting yourself out there is important. But do it by joining groups and trying new activities. Meet new people of all genders. Don’t see new people you meet just as potential partners, see them as people.
Women aren’t *just* looking for some dude who dresses OK and knows how to talk to them. Those are the table stakes. They want someone who has cool shit going on. It does not really matter what that is. It could be art, a sport, fashion, fitness, a social issue, literally anything. Make it part of your life. You dont need to be famous for it, but just find things that make you a unique and cool person and then continue developing them. For me it was primarily art and fitness (photography and BJJ/martial arts) but again it doesn’t really matter what it is.
I realize this is the most cliche how to meet women advice ever but it works.
Get a service industry job where you’ll have 1) female colleagues your own age and 2) opportunities to drink. I’m Asian (hapa) and socially awkward – college at a predominantly Caucasian ACC school was completely dry until I got a job washing dishes at a local bar. Lost my v-card to a waitress within a month of starting thanks to shift drinks (she didn’t stick around because male virgins are notoriously bad at sex, let alone relationships).
If you’re in college, go to parties and talk to people. If you’re not in college, still do that. If you get a good chat going with a girl, ask her to be your partner for a game of beerpong or flip cup or whatever’s going on. Have fun, exchange numbers, ask her out. If memory serves, that’s how it goes at your age 😄
Bro, it’s the year 2023 and you still don’t know how to put yourself out there? Just do what everyone else does and slide into some DMs or join a dating app. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.
Just say hi to people. (Not women, people)
Most of the time they’ll say it back or acknowledge in someway, sometimes a conversation starts even if short.
Worst case is you lose 2 seconds of your day to a stranger.
It in itself doesn’t do much but you end up being more socially confident in areas where it does matter and that leads to social seeking behaviour and you’ll enjoy it for the sake of it.
Literally man the best thing for you is to be yourself and be social. If you’re looking for mingling and to see where you might find women just socialize.
For me I never looked for a relationship they came to me always. My fiance is the one who asked me out. We worked at WaySub together (Yes I purposely said WaySub) and she was my supervisor. We started talking at work just being friendly. i wasn’t flirting or anything and eventually she took my number off the employee contact list in the kitchen an started texting my one day while she was off work. that was like a few days after we started talking as like “friends” and before I knew it we skipped friends and went to dating. We learned about each other as we went on.
Be yourself. Be social. Don’t look so hard. It’ll happen on it’s own most times. Also don’t lie. No white lies either. Just straight up be you and then when you find one thats interested in you, you’ll know they like you for you cause you didn’t put on some act to attract women.