How much do your standars vary when it comes to casually dating/hook ups vs someone you’ll actually be in a relationship with? What is it that changes?

9 comments

1. Tbh, for me it’s the same for both.. 🤷🏻‍♀️

2. If it’s just a hook up, I just have to find them attractive. Which means physically, but also they can’t be like… a bigot, or anything like that, which makes people automatically unattractive to me.

   If it’s a relationship, I have to actively like them as a person, as well as finding them attractive. We have to be emotionally compatible, and have similar views on things. Like, if a hook up doesn’t like pets, I don’t care. I’m never going to have a pet with them, so it doesn’t matter. If a person I want a relationship with doesn’t like pets, that’s a deal breaker.

3. Depends on the goal. Get off now or build a connection?
   Having said that, I’ve stopped two hookups midway after getting the ick over politics. So I guess I held those guys to higher standards than normal🤣

4. When I was younger, it was the same. Now in my 40s, I don’t do hookups anymore. They’re boring to me now. I now really want to delve into the other person’s brain and get to know their traumas and vulnerabilities, which takes a lot of time.

5. for a hook up, i’d look at appearance, this person has to be attractive, clean and easygoing.

   but when it comes to a long term relationship, we have to share the same way of thinking and this person has to be ambitious. not rich or whatever, i don’t absolutely care, but i don’t like lazy people

6. There’s not a lot of difference for me. If I don’t like someone enough as a person to date them, I also don’t like them enough to fuck them. If I don’t find someone attractive enough to fuck, I also don’t find them attractive enough to date.

   The only differences would probably be whether or not it was practically feasible to do something long-term as opposed to casual, and whether or not I had that inexplicable ‘click’ with someone that would cause me to want something longer-term. For me that click has never been about wither looks or a specific character trait or anything else I could define, it’s just either there or not.

7. I just wouldn’t hook up with a person with whom I wouldn’t like to be in a relationship.

   An only thing that would vary is long distance. If he lives in another town or abroad, it will be only casual.

8. If it’s just a hookup, it’s probably going to be someone I can’t develop feelings for. Therefore he’d be someone I’d realistically wouldn’t ever date even if he were the only guy left on the planet etc. I just have to find him mildly attractive (ie makes me laugh), is clean, fit and not obnoxious. He just has to be respectful of me (eg not looking at seeing me at unrealistic hours). It’s not that I don’t care for him but I just don’t want to give him any thought of the day the way he doesn’t give me any! I’m not interested in feelings and it’s just that spur of the moment lust to beat stress!

   If he’s someone whom I’d date, I’d invest time and money into it. I would do things that make him happy and I hope he also respects me and is committed to us. He’d be someone I’d run the length of the earth for, someone I’d make sacrifices for, take out to dinner, laugh, buy things, send words of encouragement during the day, someone I’d consider a friend and partner. When I smile and laugh at his jokes, it would be genuine and filled with affection. I would lavish him with food, laughter, love and all my attention. There’s more than respect; connection and a feeling of I can’t go a day without thinking of him and wanting him.

   Anyway it doesn’t matter; both aren’t options for me right now. Most guys would pick Hookups over the other with me. And I don’t want that anymore so i’m happily single and just going about my life, enjoying it as much as I possibly can.

9. There are definitely more things I’m looking for in a relationship than a hookup.

   For a hookup, I’d only care that we’re attracted to each other and that we have enough chemistry to have a good time.

   For a relationship, I want the above, plus emotional connection, similar values and goals, and someone who’s at a similar place in life as I am.