I’m very sex positive. I love sex. I do not, however, love that my husband chooses to watch all kinds of shows that are basically soft core porn, in the living room, where our (grown) kids are hanging out. I also don’t love that I have an ugly tummy after having said kids, and could never compare to the endless stream of naked women that he sees on TV. Today, he was watching a show where women get raped, upstairs in our room. I told him that I hate that rape is used for entertainment, and, as a victim, I don’t care for that. I left him upstairs to watch his show, and later, he came into the living room to watch it, in front of everyone. It seemed intentional, like he was watching it in front of me just to upset me. He watched several episodes. I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable?
5 comments
WTF?! your husband is a total weirdo it least or completely deranged. Who watches a rape video in front of their kids. Something is terribly wrong with him.
You’re valid in your feelings, especially for the one where you have a clear trigger. That would bother me and he should refrain from watching stuff like that near you. But I do think your insecurity over just general sex on tv is a personal problem that is your responsibility to deal with. Unless he’s rocking a boner and jerking off to tv shows, it’s literally just a show and you’re probably gonna have to get over it.
What is he watching? Is your idea of softcore porn just game of thrones or something?
I think there is a middle ground here, if both parties are willing to be respectful of each other. I don’t think you should police your husband’s television watching choices, assuming that what you describe as “basically soft core porn” are normal television series (Amazon, HBO Max, Netflix, etc), and not actual softcore porn (Skinamax late night stuff). But I do think it is appropriate for you to ask him to not watch it all day in the middle of the house where everyone else is around who maybe doesn’t want to be watching it. Particularly if there is a trigger like sexual assault. It’s very uncaring of him to do that to you.
Regarding your kids, they are all adults now, and while you may be squeamish watching certain things with them, if they want to watch them with your husband, you should let them all as adults do what they want. But again, this should be something they choose, not something that is broadcast out to all of them whether they want to see it or not.
If a fictional portrayal of rape upsets you, that’s fair. Totally fair to ask him not to watch that stuff when you’re around.
As for the rest of your points, yes, it sounds like you’re being prudish and insecure and moralizing. Including something horrific like rape in media does not mean it’s being “used as entertainment.” The media is telling a story. Some stories include bad things, like violence. There’s nothing wrong with including bad things in fictional stories.
Also not sure why you have an issue with your adult children seeing sex scenes. They’re adults. If it makes them or you that uncomfortable, I have to question everyone’s levels of maturity.