When is it time to give up?

I’m just so tired. Has anyone else been driven to this whole body exhaustion that feels permanent?

Been together for 19 years, I can’t believe it’ll be 20 years soon. Met in college, engaged after 2 years. Financial infidelity that I rescued him from, & I should not have. 6-digit rescue. I feel frozen. I get excited about renovating part of the house & then crumble because how can I live like this & I can’t do that renovation how I want because what if I need to sell the house? I get excited about traveling & then he guilt trips me for going anywhere alone because he’s incapable of saving $ for vacations, and I refuse to pay his way for every trip anymore.

He’s not a bad person, he’s just selfish & lazy. I have to remind him so, so many times to do basic things around the house. It’s exhausting. I thank god every day that I made the decision in our late 20s to never have children because I knew I would be a single parent & still have to deal with taking care of my husband. He wouldn’t even have an adult conversation with me about kids, so that was the final straw for that decision being made.

I have zero interest in being touched by him in any way. I think the bitterness from not having a real partner for almost 20 years has killed any attraction I may have once had. There’s no coming back from that, is there?

What is the tolerable level of unhappiness for the next 40 years until death? Is it enough that there’s someone to hold up the side of a piece of furniture for a couple minutes while I finish assembling the whole thing? Or that there’s someone to go out to eat with once in awhile? As long as I’m paying of course.

What would marriage counseling even do at this point? He’s a 40s man, he is not going to change. And even if he could, how could I view him differently at this point? Once that trust & respect is gone, I feel like I’ve read enough other posts on here to know it doesn’t return.

My elderly dog can’t leave this house. My husband will become extremely petty in a divorce, that’s his personality.

I just don’t know if I have the energy to blow this up when it’s not actively awful every day. But god, those people who are actively supported and cared for by their spouses, seeing that is just making me despair of ever being happy again. But maybe that’s an overrated, 1st world expectation. I’ve certainly never believed in the disney princess love story, & lord knows generations before us lived in stages of acceptance and depression without leaving. Is “fine” on some days enough?

My knees hurt, my hair has some gray, and I stress eat. I’m so angry sometimes that I waited my whole 20s & 30s for him to get his finances together so I could finally travel the world as I always wished to. I feel like I’m stuck & life is passing me by.

Who has been here? Did you stay & just start to live life on your terms? Or did you leave?