I (28 NB) have been with my partner (24 NB) for almost a year. This is the longest relationship either of us have had (queer or otherwise). My partner is demi and generally uninterested in sex which I’ve known since we started dating. Since it’s important to me we’ve discussed different things that could make it more enjoyable for them so the effort feels more worth it for them. Other parts of our relationship are amazing and I am glad our friendship provided us with a very stable foundation.
One of the things that they really like is being dominated and I enjoy doing that but it’s not easy with them because I don’t feel sexually confidence with them. I’ve put in effort by buying us new sex toys, new underwear and being vulnerable enough to admit not having sex for months at time has left me feeling loved but unwanted.
Past experiences were more so causal hook ups/flings were I didn’t have to question how comfortable they were with intimacy. They sucked because I was never sure if they wanted me or if they wanted just anyone who was willing to settle for less commitment. (I understand part of me might be scared because I’m struggling to accept that they love me for me and not my body because that’s a bit new for me). This isn’t a deal breaker since I very much love them and they also have agreed it’s something that we can work on together. The problem might also be that past partners rarely made my pleasure a priority so I’ve probably finished with a partner 2 to 5 times maybe so I don’t really know what to tell them I like. (For additional context I’m 28 but didn’t lose my virginity until I was 24 1/2). They are younger but have had twice as many partners as I’ve had.
Basically, I spend most of the time when we are actually intimate focused on their pleasure and then it’s kind of considered done. I want to be more satisfied and feel more confident but I don’t know what to do to improve things. Open to any advice.