I’ve met an interesting girl online recently, we started writing about each other and our interests, but I think that I have noticed something odd? She claims to not be into history, but when she found out that it’s my main interest she started asking me about it a lot. I wasn’t so sure about it, people should hate infodumps. Unwillingly I complied, and somehow she seemed to be fascinated with me just writing stuff about Feudal Japan which I learned from my Japanese friend. Now she asks for more, like if she wanted to learn from me. I’m too autistic to understand what is she thinking, I expected exactly the opposite.
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In the early days it’s hard to know what the other person is thinking. Usually, if they’re continuing to engage and ask questions, it’s an excellent sign. So I would assume positive honest intent and engage back as your authentic self.
Worst case, you dodge a bullet from someone who is fake or too “nice”; she will likely disengage because she’s bored or annoyed by your honest response.
More likely case, you’ve met someone who finds either you, or talking with you about stuff, really interesting and fun.
My husband has a special interest that now, after years, I know about and not as interested in. In those early days though, I was like “Ooh yes, tell me more about obscure ammo” and I’d google stuff about it when I wasn’t talking to him, just to find out more about what made him tick.
But I still love watching him get that animated and passionate about something. It’s one of the things that made me fall in love with him.
I was always told, if a women is engaging in your interest over hers. She’s into you. Now I’m not sure because for me a woman can be holding a literal sign and I wouldn’t notice.
You don’t always need to understand what one’s motivations or thinking is. I would mix it up and try to get to learn more about her interests as well.
no it’s normal. i am not interested myself in many things that some other people are interested in, but i would ask them because im curious about what they like and why they like it, and bc i would like to hear them talk about their interests. it’s a very normal move. and “people should hate infodumps” is very untrue. they “shouldn’t” hate anything, and if you see a sign of them not hating it then they most likely don’t 🙂 and if the very unlikely case that they actually do hate it happens, then it’s not your fault because that’s what they told you
My friends and I infodump to one another all the time. We all have different interests, so it stays interesting.
I’ve learned about breakfast cereal history in the US (it gets real crazy during the World Wars), what classifies as a “true bug” (it’s gotta be round with six lil leggies and has to be able to use its mouth to suck liquid, so “bedbug” is the origin of the classifier “bug”), and I shared which berries are true berries (a pumpkin and a banana and an eggplant are true berries, but a strawberry/raspberry/blackberry/loganberry is not).
We also all share dinosaur facts, and cool modern fauna fun facts. My favorite is that male Dyak’s fruit bats breastfeed their young!
Many people are genuinely enthused about learning new information.
Infodumping isn’t inherently bad. It goes wrong when:
* You type or say huge paragraphs without pausing for the other person to reply.
* You state facts with no relevance to the other person’s personality or points of relatability. If you could say the same facts to me (an online stranger) with the same wording, it means you’re using them as a mindless chatbot instead of treating them like a unique person.
* You ignore or leap away from the current conversational thread to start sharing your facts, like if someone is talking about how they feel about recent news and you change the subject without tying it back to the talk at hand.
To be it sounds like she is interested in you and your interests. I don’t see how this can be a red flag. She could just be wanting to get to know you better as a friend to see if you are compatible. Maybe she knows you in real life and likes you or maybe she doesn’t know you in real life and still likes you and wants to get to know you better? Either way just go along with it. Maybe ask about her interests and try to talk about that perhaps?
If she is only asking questions I’d be hesitant. If she is genuinely taking an interest in something you like (which people do and I appreciate) then she’d also be telling you about some aspect she has now looked up or became curious in.
I don’t know the first thing about computer hardware and shit, but I once had a little FWB relationship with a coworker who was building his own PC, and watching his face light up and how excited he got while he was trying to explain it to me was the cutest fucking thing. So I kept asking him questions about it even though I didn’t understand a single answer I got lol. It was just fun and endearing to see someone so passionate and excited to talk about their hobby
She might not be all that interested in the history, but likes you, and likes that you like it.
AKA: good sign
Seeing someone passionately talk about their interests is a really attractive thing imo. I don’t care for history either but I know someone who randomly says history facts. I find it super intriguing and could quite frankly listen to him rant about historical events even tho history isn’t an interest of mine
u/Groovy1x 👀
dude you are making a mistake by talking to her over text, all of this could be done in real life with eye contact, touch, flirting, fun, etc… You are wasting your words on texts that will get you nowhere
I’m also not into history at all. But if I was dating someone who was very interested in history, I’d also ask them about it. I wouldn’t be bored because they’re passionate about it and I want to know more about their interests because I’m interested in them.
I didnt have any particular interest in wrestling before I met my boyfriend, but I love him, and want to know about the things he’s interested in and I knew it would make him happy to be able to do the things he enjoys with him. That doesn’t mean I pretended to like it- It means I asked and learned about it, tried watching it, I gave it a chance and it is fucking fantastic. So much better than I expected. I do this with most things a partner likes and I have gained a lot of new interests.
To be honest, she could be doing it because she does want to know about the things you care about, or she could be doing it to allow you to talk about the things you enjoy. Neither of those are bad.
Sounds like shes enjoying learning from you. Personally i like a man who can teach me something. You got this, sounds like a vibe
Lol sorry I just have to…..
Manipulation strategy/Dark psychology. She could be faining interest in what your interested in to gain your trust and form a connection. Be weary if she opens up about her inner child, biggest fears, weird sexual kinks. You’ll likely respond by telling her yours which is what she’s going for. They will be used against you later. Look up gaslighting.
Or she just really likes you…..
I think it can be a red flag sometimes. Mirroring is common in early stages of emotionally abusive relationships and looks exactly like this. Especially because she admitted she didn’t like history at first. It sounds like mirroring.
But mirroring can also be healthy to a degree… Just be careful, be assertive in boundaries, and respect yourself.
As a former “I hate history” person. It’s not history we hate, it’s how it’s presented. If it can be presented in a fun, engaging way, I’m much more willing to learn about it. And even better if it’s from a friend that’s legit passionate about the subject.