Am I aloud to be annoyed about this?

10 comments

1. Sorry about my English 😬

2. My partner is like this too. It can be pretty painful not being able to get my emotional needs met when they trigger him. He’s quite avoidant.

   It helps to have close friends to reach out to instead!

3. Have you told him this? Sometimes letting them know that you need someone to comfort you can help them fill that role

4. My ex was like this. His was a form of manipulation and emotional abuse. NOT SAYING YOUR PARTNER IS THE SAME, just that this particular behavior is. Anytime I needed support he would make it about him and make me feel even worse for trying to talk about it. I was always accused of bring him down, making him sad, effecting his day. I wasn’t being a “team player”. Eventually I stopped expressing my emotions entirely because it was always inconvenient for him. And then, he took to calling me a robot and picking fights over and over until I lost my cool and shouted. And then, he would blame the whole thing on me and make me apologize for being aggressive.

   Your partner may not know how this makes you feel. Talk to him about it. Not as an accusation but as a “this behavior really makes me feel” way. Personally, one of the benefits of have a partner in the first place is to have a safe haven (this goes both ways obviously). A place to expose your soft, smushy, sometimes tear streaked, spots and not have to worry. It’s understandable to have times where both parties are smushy and the same time and those times can be very trying. However, forcing one partner to always be the strong one is not healthy.

   I have spent two years relearning how to express my emotions and to trust that my new partner won’t shut me down. I have made significant progress but I still struggle immensely. No one should feel like they can’t express themselves with their partners. Friends are great but you shouldn’t have to rely on them for all your emotional support.

5. I say that you are allowed because he’s being a boy and not a man.

6. Allowed*

7. But also yes. There should be time for you and then for him

8. This sort of used to happen unintentionally with my ex. What I would say is “I understand your sad but this is starting to sound more like a you problem than a me problem” and usually he would apologise and notice. Then direct the topic back to me. If your partner isn’t doing that it’s kinda just straight up manipulation at that point

9. Can’t relate to the having a partner part, however i understand.

10. Sounds as if you don’t feel as if you can be a woman around your man.