Me(26M) and my GF (20F) having dead bedroom because of her.
She always have some excuses. She doesn’t feel well, she’s stressed, she’s not in the mood, she’s not horny etc.
We are together for 2.5 y and I always had to star it. She never initiates first. All the things we used to do in bed that she loved started to annoy her and I was banned from doing it. activities such as playing with nipples, ears, gentle touching, hard touching, hair pulling, etc.
I always gave her an orgasm orally or by my fingers if I finished first. I NEVER left her without orgasm. For a year, if I finish first, she doesn’t want me to touch her anymore and says “this is enough for me, I’m satisfied”.
I tried to initiate it in all possible ways I know. Playing hard, playing soft, give her massage normal or erotic massage before. Now I’m just asking her if she’s in mood (obviously there is only one answer) because I’m tired of all this effort I have to put in and have like 10% chances to get something.
Because I never get compliments from her, she doesn’t initiate first, she rejects me all the time, I feel ugly, weak, unmanly and depressed
She is 100% not cheating on me physically. I wonder if he’s having an emotional affair with someone. I’m trying to find out, but I’d like to put that option aside just in case it’s not the cause and focus on whether there’s a problem between us.
Our relationship is ordinary. We argue sometimes, but we also have our beautiful moments. We spend a lot of time together, go for walks etc. I give her a lot of intimacy, hugs, kisses, listen to her, speak a lot. I don’t think she feels unloved.
I’m running out of ideas how can we boost our sex life or what is the problem. I need help…
P.S She is on birth control (implant) but like she was on the beginning. I do understand how hormones works but we are doing it like ones per month and that still feels like she is forcing her self to do it with me. I do love her and there is no option to dump her and move on, at least for now.
4 comments
Look like cheating to me, or she is very selffish person. You honestly described yourself as doormat. Was it like that always?
It seems you are giving her a lot, question is, what is she doing for you? She should be sexualy active at 20. My best guess after what you said initialy and to my reactions is that she is cheating on you or she is unhappy with sexual stuff so she want to skip it as fast as possible.
Tell her the sex feels one-sided. Express feelings to her, not facts. That is what women understand. Have the convo with her about it and then if it soesnt change it is definitely time to move on
She may be too young to have realized or learned that sex for men isn’t just about getting their rocks off. It’s an important part of building an emotional connection. She may be shocked to find out that men want to be wanted too. And honestly, if she’s stressed, sex/orgasm should make her feel less so. But she might have it framed all wrong; if she’s viewing sex as something she “gives” to you (which many women do since they fall into the gatekeeper role as the lower desire partner), the non-sexual stress she’s currently feeling is only added to when she knows you’re wanting to have sex because she feels like it’s something she has to give to you.
I would say you have to talk to her. It’s not enough to ask her, “Why don’t you want to have sex?” You’re going to get the same answer over and over again about her stress. Rather, explain to her (if this is the case) that you’re not feeling very connected to her, and sex is a very effective way to build that connection back, as well as to relieve her own stress. Your relationship will end if you’re sexually dead for too long and neither of you deserve to be in a sexless relationship.