For the longest time I wanted to make friends, but not just normal friends. I wanted the kind that would run to hug me the second we spotted each other.
I wanted to make people excited to see me.
After a few years of practicing I achieved it, here’s my top 3 tips I use to achieve this consistently when I meet new people.
1. People are just mirrors, give them exactly what you want back.
I wanted people to be excited to see me, so when I met people I started with a simple smile.
The second time I saw them I recalled something funny that happened between us and got a bigger smile.
The third time I see them I’m basically grinning ear to ear.
Then they begin to reflect my happiness to see them back to me, until we’re both like, “HEY ITS YOU!”
Important note, start with gentle happiness. If you come out excited out the gate people will think it’s just you, not that you genuinely like them.
2. Don’t interrupt.
Nothing says, idgaf about you more than cutting someone off mid sentence.
When you meet people, ask things that genuinely make you curious.
Say: “Hey I’m curious how did you get into…how did you choose… why did you…”
Then actually listen to them.
This excites people because there’s few good listeners in the world.
3. Highlight similarities
When I meet people after I ask things I’m curious about, I will focus the conversation on what we share.
You like skydiving too?! My favorite place is over Honolulu, what’s yours?
Then people will feel like you naturally understand each other.
You also studied psychology?
You also have a single parent?
You also hate your job?
You also pick the grass starter Pokémon?
Focus on what you share and get them to share what they love so they associate that same love with you.
Have you used any of these to make friends?
28 comments
After the trauma I experienced, I highly doubt anyone is ever truly excited to see me. But who knows.
If you want a deeper dive than just this comment “How to win friends and influence people” is a 1934 book that says much the same as OP.
LOVE this post keep it up! (Hate capitalizing words but for this it felt necessary)
Good list. Also, learn how to impact others not just with your words but via your actions i.e. the things you do in life. Learn how to bring value to other people. Build a reputation for being good at something and impacting others. Make people actually respect you.
The reality is you are subconsciously judged not just for the things you say, but the things you actually do/accomplish in life and how you impact others.
Thanks a lot for this..!
make them laugh
Getting them to fucking see me full stop would be enough.
Enthusiastic people inspires enthusiasm towards them. That shit is just too contagious
You forgot to put in the second and third tips.
Do you know any podcasts or videos that do this? Would like to listen and learn from a real interaction.
I’m not sure if I can be bothered to proactively socialize anymore bro. Work, exercise, and video games is good enough for me. ‘dont be a walking dick’ philosophy has been working pretty well for me and my co-workers
Just curious why you strive to have people so excited to see you?
A huge addition to this, compliment them and their talents in front of others, people love to be around people they don’t feel they have to compete with
Thanks for this! I’m def gonna try to apply iy in the future 🙂
Can I ask another question though? (All good if you don’t have an answer)
When talking to a new person or someone I don’t know well, I freeze up, become monotone and lose all my personality. This is how pretty much everyone knows me now, as a quiet, serious guy. Is there a way I can change their impression of me or would that be too difficult?
Didn’t work for me…
Life hack
Thing is, if they’re excited to see you then that kinda means you need to perform for the duration of the time you are with them.
I CBA with that, too draining to be fake that long
The reason why I don’t get excited is because I assume that most people will leave me eventually(because most people do). It’s mentally draining to keep putting in effort that doesn’t get reciprocated.
I used and still using being curious about stuff and works really good 👍but what I didn’t know was highlighting similarities I guess an experiment is on the way for me 😃
and then theres me who simultaneously wants friends… but also finds the notion of someone running up to me and yelling “hey its you!” incredibly obnoxious lol
That sounds all great until they start viewing you as a people pleaser and not take you as seriously anymore.
Receive them like a dog, go straight running towards them when you see them with a smile in your face. Instaed of barking, just called them by their name.
That’ll deepen your bonding with them.
All of this is actually too self-centered. I think that’s the problem that leads to trying and then failing. A lot of the advice is applicable and well worth paying attention to, for your own etiquette, but honestly, the older I’ve gotten the more I’ve realized that social “goodwill” mostly comes from how little you’re concerned with yourself and about how well you actually look out for your surroundings.
If you contribute something that will make other people’s day better, then they will be happy to see you. If you’re funny, that helps. If you ask personal questions about their weekend, it helps. If you leave your own seat for a while to go chat with someone for a bit, that helps. If you make coffee, if you help people out, if you give them compliments it helps.
Of course you can’t do any of those things if it’s not something you mean. Then you won’t be confident doing it, and then they will notice that it’s making your feel badly and not enjoy the communication.
So IMHO the trick is to be yourself, but take any opportunity that pops up in the present moment where you go “Huh, I think I’ll go talk to her about that thing I just remembered!” and then try to do it. You’re displaying a natural interest and in turn they will feel exactly the way that we, in this thread, want to feel: That other people give a shit about us. It’s a need all of us have, and the strange thing is that you’ll actually get it… by giving it to others first.
Yes! Yes, ofc I would pick the grass starter Pokemon!
Don’t make people feel anything, stop gamifying socialization, it’s unauthentic at best and sociopathic at worst.
Let people feel what they feel, and let that be ok.
Best way to make people excited to see you is to owe them money
I’d recommend making sure you don’t fake what you give to people. If you’re happy to see someone, show them you are happy. But don’t fake being happy to see someone just to make them like you more. From experience, people will eventually pick up on the insincerety and they’ll lose trust in you. No trust, no real connection.
Good tips. I know that a genuine, bubbly, caring personality is so rare and pleasant that people respond positively.