I’m on mobile so I’m sorry for any formatting issues.
So a few days ago me and my new boyfriend did the deed for the first time together. We’ve been together for 6 months as I’m making this post. Things were getting heated and I asked if he had condoms, he replied no and suggested he just pull out instead. I said I didn’t trust that and we left to get some.
As we get going I noticed he didn’t have one on, I pointed it out and he said he’d just wanted to start without one but would put it on. I relented and after a bit he pulled out for a minute, I assumed he was putting one on then and we continued though I wasn’t actually looking to see. Afterwards he pulls out and finishes on my stomach. Which caught me off guard, at that point I didn’t want to kill the mood so I didn’t say anything else about it.
It’s worth noting I’m pro-choice while he’s pro-life, I expressed how I’d only wish to be intimate with him with some form of protection as to avoid that becoming a bigger issue. So we’ve talked in depth about these things before.
I don’t believe I was ovulating yet so pregnancy isn’t the concern here, but I can’t help but feel as though my trust was violated in a big way. It has honestly put me off from wanting to have sex with him again. I’ve been struggling with whether or not I’m just overreacting. Or if I should confront him about it, and I really don’t know what to say if I did. In some ways it’s made me rethink our relationship. I hate to feel this way as it’s arguably the best relationship I’ve been in.
So Reddit, am I making this a bigger deal than it should be? Am I right to feel this way? How do I go about this?
20 comments
Naw, you’re right. Yes, it’s better without of course. But you requested he suit up and he heavily implied he would. It’s pretty f’d up he still continued with no intention of honoring your request despite saying he would. It’s a breach of trust and a huge issue. I believe in the technical sense it is a form of rape.
this is called stealthing, it is a form of assault. you agreed to penetration with protection, he penetrated you without it.
leave. now. this person does not respect you, your body, or your boundaries.
Why in the hell didn’t you IMMEDIATELY break up with him?
>I relented and after a bit he pulled out for a minute, I assumed he was putting one on then and we continued though I wasn’t actually looking to see.
Shouldn’t have relented, and should have put your foot down
Regardless though, a good sex rule to have I think is if a guy won’t wear a condom for you, or is constantly bitter about doing so…. They don’t need to have sex with you let alone be your SO.
Condoms should be non negotiable, unless they can prove they’ve had a vesectomy. (Regardless of if you are one birth control cuz you can still get knocked up on birth control, it’s a statistics game.)
Your BF has no respect for you or your body. He is a liar. So agreed that really you should just be done with him…. But….
“I feel really disrespected with that stunt you pulled with us having sex. You broke my trust in lying to me and I do not trust you as a sexual partner. Condoms are non negotiable for me. If you cannot wear them, this relationship is going no where and we are done.”
That’s sexual assault and he is a creep. Don’t degrade yourself by going back to him.
It is a big deal. And one with serious consequences whichever way you lean, not to mention sexually transmitted diseases. You made it clear that he had to use a condom and actively went and bought some. He still chose not to wear one, a clear violation of your trust, a selfish and blatant disregard for your safety and expressed wishes. I would consider this a deal breaker.
I must add that you have a responsibility to be absolutely confident that protection is worn before penetration takes place.
It is stealthing and it is a crime. He may also be trying to babytrap you by intentionally getting you pregnant and then shaming you into keeping it so that you have to stay with him.
Leave this dude immediately.
Get rid if him. You could catch an STD!
Never ever use the pull out method and get on birth control. That you are not ovulating doesn’t mean you can’t get pregnant, you can even get pregnant during your period or in very rare cases if you are already pregnant. Be careful.
It’s a big deal. Shut this down.
Be firm about what you expect when it comes to your body. I’m sorry this happened.
I’m more sure that he’s much more interested in getting laid than a relationship.
I know you have your own feelings on this but it’s very distorted by your idealizing the situation into something much more wonderful than it actually is.
He is definitely showing signs of a guy just trying to bust a nut, at all cost, even disregarding your wish.
You sure he likes you? I guess you’ll find out soon when he eventually acts cold and distant, talking to some of other girl and bailing on you
Why are you with a pro life guy who lies about using condoms?
That’s not cool. You have to have an agreement.
never ever relent on protection, either cover the willy or the door is closed. I’d instantly dump my partner over this kind of shit.
I’m pretty sure this would be considered assault. You did not consent to the deed without protection. He knew what he was doing was wrong. Cut. Him. Loose.
This is a HUGE violation if not outright rape. He did things to you that you did NOT consent to – break up with him. I know that it seems like you’ll work out but girl he is not it. He’s not even worth a fling. Leave.
I am so sorry love but that is assault. Please save yourself some heartache and dum him now.
I didn’t want to kill the mood so I didn’t say anything else about it.
An unexpected pregnancy would kill that mood fast.
Yes, Speak up. I think you are on the right path rethinking that relationship.
There is no fucking way to “put it on later”, especially with a *new* boyfriend! Girl, you never heard of STD’s or what?!
You’re not making a big enough deal about it. Do not keep seeing this guy.