We got married and moved in together in January, in February I unfortunately lost my driving licence due to medical reasons. We live in a very remote area with no public transport meaning the only way I can go anywhere is if he drives me. He does different sports at least 3/4 nights a week and also every Saturday is spent playing cricket all day, which means Sunday is a write off as he’s always so tired from cricket. I work from home and only know 1 person where I live so it’s very lonely for me. When we moved in together I moved 2 hours away from home, leaving my whole family behind and my dog (he won’t let me have a dog).
This week my husband had to work away for 3 days, he then decided that he would tie in a trip with his friends whilst away meaning he was away for 1 week. He took me food shopping on Sunday but only gave me 30mins notice before leaving which meant I didn’t have time to plan what I needed for the entire week so only bought enough for what I thought I’d need, he then proceeded to complain about how much it cost!
This morning I messaged him asking when he would be home as I was running really low on food and I couldn’t book a food delivery slot as there were none left, he then replied saying he was actually coming home tomorrow not today. I went on a bit of a rant calling him selfish and inconsiderate, I can’t drive anywhere and need to get food, to which he replied ‘I don’t know what you want me to do about that’. Thankfully my parents live within 2 hours drive and came to pick me up so I could stay with them for a while so I at least had people to talk to and didn’t feel so isolated.
The last time we went on any sort of date was 6 weeks ago and we hardly spend any time as a couple unless it’s just watching TV at night time, the only time I get to leave the house is when we go food shopping. I suffer with anxiety which is probably making me overthink the situation, I also suffer with depression and the whole situation has made me feel really low.
I don’t know if I’m just overreacting and feeling sorry for myself or if he is just being selfish… I don’t know where to go from here. He hasn’t contacted me since our fall out…
edit – he also spends a lot of time gaming at night time with his friends, he often finishes late and comes to bed once I’m asleep, so any time I do have with him at home isn’t spent together
4 comments
You definitely need to line up other support. Having a spouse to help is great, but he cannot be your only source of survival. Plus caretakers fatigue is real. I’m sorry for all your issues, but please work on building your community, friends, or a service that can assist. Maybe consider moving closer to resources.
Yes, leaving your spouse who can’t drive for medical reasons stranded without a way to get food is selfish. And yes, not spending quality time with your spouse is selfish when you’re able to choose otherwise. This one instance sounds like it’s only a symptom of a larger problem. And it also sounds like you moved away from your support system, which doesn’t seem to be ideal in your situation.
Some of the stories I read here are so horrifying I don’t even know what to say really. What’s the use of a spouse that is always gone? I don’t get it, seriously. I would never be able to leave with a husband that is never home for no good reason.
My 1st thought is did you even get to know each other before getting married?
I can’t imagine treating my wife that way.